1
00:00:28,602 --> 00:00:33,803
♪ When I was just a little girl

2
00:00:33,882 --> 00:00:39,042
♪ I asked my mother, what will I be?

3
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:42,725
♪ Will I be pretty?

4
00:00:42,805 --> 00:00:45,245
♪ Will I be rich?

5
00:00:45,326 --> 00:00:49,646
♪ Here's what she said to me

6
00:00:49,726 --> 00:00:53,846
♪ Que será, será

7
00:00:53,927 --> 00:00:59,407
♪ Whatever will be, will be

8
00:00:59,488 --> 00:01:04,809
♪ The future's not ours to see

9
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,770
♪ Que será, será

10
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:13,490
♪ What will be, will be

11
00:01:14,851 --> 00:01:19,811
♪ When I was just a child in school

12
00:01:19,894 --> 00:01:25,974
♪ I asked my teacher, what should I try?

13
00:01:26,055 --> 00:01:28,854
♪ Should I paint pictures?

14
00:01:28,936 --> 00:01:31,536
♪ Should I sing songs?

15
00:01:31,615 --> 00:01:35,575
♪ This was her wise reply

16
00:01:35,658 --> 00:01:39,898
♪ Que será, será

17
00:01:39,978 --> 00:01:44,938
♪ Whatever will be, will be

18
00:01:45,019 --> 00:01:49,940
♪ The future's not ours to see

19
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:54,181
♪ Que será, será

20
00:01:55,181 --> 00:02:01,102
♪ What will be, will be... ♪

21
00:02:05,384 --> 00:02:07,383
Damn.

22
00:02:07,465 --> 00:02:09,425
It's your turn, Heather.

23
00:02:12,145 --> 00:02:15,064
No, Heather. It's Heather's turn.

24
00:02:15,146 --> 00:02:17,106
Heather.

25
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,106
Sorry, Heather.

26
00:02:21,187 --> 00:02:25,867
♪ Que será, será

27
00:02:25,949 --> 00:02:31,309
♪ Whatever will be, will be

28
00:02:31,389 --> 00:02:36,030
♪ The future's not ours to see

29
00:02:36,111 --> 00:02:40,951
♪ Que será, será

30
00:02:41,032 --> 00:02:46,032
♪ What will be, will be

31
00:02:46,112 --> 00:02:53,472
♪ Que será, será ♪

32
00:03:04,757 --> 00:03:06,596
Dear diary...

33
00:03:06,677 --> 00:03:10,478
'Heather told me
she teaches people real life.

34
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:14,038
'She said real life sucks losers dry.

35
00:03:14,119 --> 00:03:18,839
'If you want to fuck with the eagles,
you have to learn to fly.

36
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:23,120
'I said, "So, you teach people
to spread their wings and fly?"

37
00:03:23,201 --> 00:03:25,121
'She said, "Yes."

38
00:03:25,201 --> 00:03:27,641
'I said, "You're beautiful..."'

39
00:03:27,723 --> 00:03:30,242
God, come on, Veronica.

40
00:03:30,323 --> 00:03:32,322
What is your damage, Heather?

41
00:03:32,404 --> 00:03:34,203
Don't blame me, blame Heather.

42
00:03:34,284 --> 00:03:37,044
She told me to haul your ass
into the caf pronto.

43
00:03:37,125 --> 00:03:38,364
Back me up, Heather.

44
00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:41,404
She really wants to talk to you, Veronica.

45
00:03:41,486 --> 00:03:44,685
OK, I'm going. Jesus Christ.

46
00:03:55,128 --> 00:03:57,048
Hello, Heather.

47
00:03:57,128 --> 00:03:59,128
Veronica. Finally.

48
00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:01,890
I got a note of Kurt Kelly's.

49
00:04:01,970 --> 00:04:05,891
I need you to forge a hot and horny
but realistic note in Kurt's handwriting.

50
00:04:05,971 --> 00:04:08,651
We'll slip it onto
Martha Dumptruck's lunch tray.

51
00:04:08,732 --> 00:04:11,731
I don't have anything
against Martha Dunnstock.

52
00:04:11,812 --> 00:04:13,892
You don't have anything for her.

53
00:04:13,974 --> 00:04:16,134
Come on. It'll be very.

54
00:04:16,213 --> 00:04:20,534
The note will give her shower nozzle
masturbation material for weeks.

55
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:25,294
I'll think about it.

56
00:04:25,376 --> 00:04:27,335
Don't think.

57
00:04:32,497 --> 00:04:35,537
Veronica needs something to write on.
Bend over.

58
00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:45,459
Dear Martha, you're so sweet...

59
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:48,219
I'm telling you, man, it'd so be righteous

60
00:04:48,301 --> 00:04:51,740
to be in a Veronica Sawyer -
Heather Chandler sandwich.

61
00:04:51,822 --> 00:04:53,660
Hell, yes.

62
00:04:53,742 --> 00:04:57,903
I want to put a Heather on my johnson
and spin her around like a pinwheel.

63
00:04:57,983 --> 00:04:59,462
Punch it in.

64
00:05:28,070 --> 00:05:30,869
Westerburg feeds the world.
Come on, people.

65
00:05:30,951 --> 00:05:34,550
Give that leftover lunch money
to people who don't have lunches.

66
00:05:34,632 --> 00:05:37,191
God, aren't they fed yet?

67
00:05:37,272 --> 00:05:40,111
Do they even have thanksgiving in Africa?

68
00:05:40,193 --> 00:05:43,713
Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians, Tater Tots.

69
00:05:43,794 --> 00:05:45,714
It's a real party continent.

70
00:05:45,794 --> 00:05:48,034
Sawyer, guess what today is.

71
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:50,914
Ouch. Lunch-time poll?
What's the question?

72
00:05:50,996 --> 00:05:53,436
Yeah, what's the question, Heather?

73
00:05:53,516 --> 00:05:57,397
God, you were with me in study hall
when I thought of it.

74
00:05:57,476 --> 00:05:59,996
I forgot.

75
00:06:00,077 --> 00:06:02,637
Such a pillowcase.

76
00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:08,359
It's not that bizarro thing you were babbling
about over the phone last night, is it?

77
00:06:08,439 --> 00:06:10,078
Of course it is.

78
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:16,680
I told Dennis if he gives me another
political topic, I'd spew burrito chunks.

79
00:06:24,242 --> 00:06:26,001
Oh, Veronica, I'm sorry.

80
00:06:26,083 --> 00:06:27,802
Betty Finn. Gosh.

81
00:06:27,884 --> 00:06:31,403
I'm sorry I couldn't go
to your birthday party last month.

82
00:06:31,484 --> 00:06:34,404
It's OK. Your mom said you had a big date.

83
00:06:34,486 --> 00:06:37,445
I'd probably miss my own
birthday for a date.

84
00:06:37,526 --> 00:06:39,486
Don't say that.

85
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:44,646
I was looking around the other day
and I dug up these old photographs.

86
00:06:46,008 --> 00:06:48,127
Oh. They're great.

87
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,248
Come on, Veronica.

88
00:06:50,328 --> 00:06:52,448
I was talking to somebody.

89
00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:01,330
Great. Here comes Heather.

90
00:07:01,411 --> 00:07:03,651
Oh, shit.

91
00:07:03,732 --> 00:07:06,972
- Hi, Courtney. Love your cardigan.
- Thanks.

92
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:09,012
I got it last night at The Limited.

93
00:07:09,093 --> 00:07:12,613
Like, totally blew my allowance.

94
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:17,133
Check this out. You win $5 million
from the Publisher Sweepstakes

95
00:07:17,215 --> 00:07:19,855
and the same day
the guy gives you the cheque,

96
00:07:19,935 --> 00:07:25,896
aliens land on the earth and say they'll blow
up the world in two days. What do you do?

97
00:07:25,977 --> 00:07:27,577
That's easy.

98
00:07:27,657 --> 00:07:31,216
I'd just slide that wad over to my father

99
00:07:31,297 --> 00:07:34,257
because he's one of the
state's top brokers.

100
00:07:34,339 --> 00:07:38,140
If I got that money,
I'd give it all to the homeless.

101
00:07:38,220 --> 00:07:39,859
Every cent.

102
00:07:40,941 --> 00:07:42,901
You're beautiful.

103
00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:47,822
If you're going to openly be a bitch...

104
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,901
Why can't we talk to
kinds of different people?

105
00:07:50,983 --> 00:07:54,783
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
Do I look like Mother Teresa?

106
00:07:54,864 --> 00:07:58,503
If I did, I probably wouldn't mind
talking to the geek squad.

107
00:08:01,986 --> 00:08:05,746
Did see that? Heather number one
just looked right at me.

108
00:08:05,826 --> 00:08:09,746
Does it not bother you that
everybody thinks you're a piranha?

109
00:08:09,827 --> 00:08:11,786
Like I give a shit.

110
00:08:11,868 --> 00:08:14,707
They all want me as a friend or a fuck.

111
00:08:14,788 --> 00:08:18,068
I'm worshiped at Westerburg
and I'm only a junior.

112
00:08:27,831 --> 00:08:32,592
I can't believe this, we're going to a
party at Remington University tonight

113
00:08:32,672 --> 00:08:37,792
and we're brushing up on our conversational
skills with the scum of the school.

114
00:08:38,874 --> 00:08:40,033
Hi.

115
00:08:40,835 --> 00:08:42,233
Hi.

116
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:46,434
So this is what's called a lunch-time poll.

117
00:08:46,515 --> 00:08:49,555
You win $5 million
in the Publisher Sweepstakes

118
00:08:49,636 --> 00:08:52,436
and the same day whatshisface
gives you the cheque

119
00:08:52,516 --> 00:08:54,315
aliens land on earth

120
00:08:54,397 --> 00:08:56,156
and say they'll blow up the world
in two days.

121
00:08:56,237 --> 00:08:58,797
What are you going to do with the money?

122
00:08:58,878 --> 00:09:00,437
I'd go to Egypt.

123
00:09:00,518 --> 00:09:02,077
With a girl.

124
00:09:02,159 --> 00:09:05,599
I'd use the money for
an end-of-the-world get-together.

125
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,399
I'd pay Madonna a million bucks
to sit on my face

126
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,441
and ride like the Kentucky Derby.

127
00:09:10,521 --> 00:09:13,681
That's the most spooky-assed question
I ever heard.

128
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,561
After taxes, I'll only be getting...

129
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:18,441
She should pay me, though.

130
00:09:18,523 --> 00:09:23,283
You go to the zoo and get a lion and
put a remote control bomb up its butt...

131
00:09:23,365 --> 00:09:26,044
Then there's social security, legal fees...

132
00:09:26,124 --> 00:09:30,165
Push the button on the bomb
and you and the lion die like one.

133
00:09:31,286 --> 00:09:33,446
What?

134
00:09:38,007 --> 00:09:41,126
Oh, my God. Here we go.

135
00:09:57,332 --> 00:10:00,252
Oh, my God.

136
00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:25,297
Hi, Veronica.
Five keeps an infant alive.

137
00:10:28,380 --> 00:10:31,699
You wanted to be a member of
the most powerful clique in school.

138
00:10:31,779 --> 00:10:35,379
If I wasn't already the head of it,
I'd want the same thing.

139
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,580
Come on, Veronica.

140
00:10:37,660 --> 00:10:39,860
You used to have a sense of humor.

141
00:10:42,862 --> 00:10:46,502
Veronica, could you
come back here a minute?

142
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:48,862
A true friend's work is never done.

143
00:10:48,944 --> 00:10:51,264
- Gross.
- Gross.

144
00:10:51,344 --> 00:10:54,784
Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.

145
00:10:54,865 --> 00:10:58,464
- Maybe you should see a doctor.
- Yeah, maybe.

146
00:10:58,546 --> 00:11:02,626
Come on, Heather,
let's take another look at today's lunch.

147
00:11:17,430 --> 00:11:20,269
God, Veronica, drool much?

148
00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:22,430
His name's Jason Dean.

149
00:11:22,511 --> 00:11:24,471
He's in my American History.

150
00:11:34,874 --> 00:11:36,834
Hello, Jason Dean.

151
00:11:36,914 --> 00:11:40,033
Greetings and salutations.

152
00:11:40,115 --> 00:11:42,234
Are you a Heather?

153
00:11:42,316 --> 00:11:43,395
No.

154
00:11:43,476 --> 00:11:46,836
I'm a Veronica. Sawyer.

155
00:11:48,237 --> 00:11:51,236
This may seem like
a really stupid question...

156
00:11:51,318 --> 00:11:53,518
There are no stupid questions.

157
00:11:55,639 --> 00:11:59,519
You inherit $5 million.
The same day aliens land on the earth

158
00:11:59,599 --> 00:12:03,439
and say they're going to blow it up
in two days. What do you do?

159
00:12:06,201 --> 00:12:09,120
That's the stupidest question
I've ever heard.

160
00:12:09,202 --> 00:12:12,681
Who's that guy in the coat
think he is anyways?

161
00:12:12,763 --> 00:12:14,442
Bo Diddley?

162
00:12:14,523 --> 00:12:16,963
Veronica's into his act, no doubt.

163
00:12:17,044 --> 00:12:20,083
I don't know. Probably row out
to the middle of a lake,

164
00:12:20,165 --> 00:12:22,645
bring along a bottle of tequila,

165
00:12:22,725 --> 00:12:25,805
my sax and some Bach.

166
00:12:27,365 --> 00:12:28,884
How very.

167
00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:33,326
Come on, Veronica.

168
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,087
Later.

169
00:12:36,168 --> 00:12:38,128
Definitely.

170
00:12:41,330 --> 00:12:43,329
Let's kick his ass.

171
00:12:43,409 --> 00:12:45,450
Shit, Ram, we're seniors, man.

172
00:12:45,530 --> 00:12:47,970
We're too old for kind
of that kind of crap.

173
00:12:49,051 --> 00:12:51,411
Let's give him a good scare, though.

174
00:12:57,373 --> 00:12:59,132
You going to eat this?

175
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:03,453
What did your boyfriend say when you told
him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?

176
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:05,695
Answer him, dick.

177
00:13:05,774 --> 00:13:10,135
Hey, Ram, doesn't this cafeteria
have a "no fags allowed" rule?

178
00:13:10,215 --> 00:13:14,895
They seem to have an open-door policy
for assholes, though, don't they?

179
00:13:17,617 --> 00:13:19,537
What did you say, dickhead?

180
00:13:19,618 --> 00:13:22,097
I'll repeat myself.

181
00:13:26,379 --> 00:13:30,700
They won't expel him, they'll just
suspend him for a week or something.

182
00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:34,860
He used a real gun.
They should throw his ass in jail.

183
00:13:34,942 --> 00:13:37,501
No way. He used blanks.

184
00:13:37,582 --> 00:13:41,101
All JD really did was
ruin two pairs of pants.

185
00:13:41,182 --> 00:13:43,142
Maybe not even that.

186
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,503
Can you bleach out urine stains?

187
00:13:45,583 --> 00:13:50,703
You seem pretty amused. I thought
you had given up on high school guys.

188
00:13:50,785 --> 00:13:52,785
Never say never.

189
00:13:55,227 --> 00:13:57,307
What are you going to do, Heather?

190
00:13:57,387 --> 00:14:00,666
Take the two shots or send me out?

191
00:14:02,347 --> 00:14:04,626
Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?

192
00:14:04,709 --> 00:14:07,428
First you ask if you can be red,

193
00:14:07,508 --> 00:14:09,628
knowing that I'm always red.

194
00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:15,469
Shit.

195
00:14:17,031 --> 00:14:18,951
It's your turn, Heather.

196
00:14:24,473 --> 00:14:26,433
Easy shot, Heather.

197
00:14:26,513 --> 00:14:28,632
No way, no day.

198
00:14:28,714 --> 00:14:31,393
Give it up, girl.

199
00:14:39,236 --> 00:14:41,596
- Holy shit.
- Incredible!

200
00:14:44,798 --> 00:14:48,037
So tonight's the night.
Are you two excited?

201
00:14:48,118 --> 00:14:50,318
I'm giving Veronica her shot,

202
00:14:50,399 --> 00:14:52,719
her first Remington party.

203
00:14:52,798 --> 00:14:54,878
You blow it tonight, girl,

204
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,520
and it's keggers with kids all next year.

205
00:15:10,164 --> 00:15:11,483
Why?

206
00:15:11,564 --> 00:15:12,563
Why not?

207
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,964
Heather, your mother's here.

208
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,285
Come on, whoever wants a ride.

209
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:24,806
- Bye. Thank you.
- Bye-bye, girls.

210
00:15:24,886 --> 00:15:27,726
Hey, take a break, Veronica. Sit down.

211
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:33,448
So what was the first week
of spring vacation withdrawal like?

212
00:15:33,528 --> 00:15:35,488
I don't know. It was OK, I guess.

213
00:15:35,569 --> 00:15:38,449
Hey, kid, isn't the prom coming up?

214
00:15:39,531 --> 00:15:41,170
I guess.

215
00:15:41,250 --> 00:15:43,330
Any contestants worth mentioning?

216
00:15:43,411 --> 00:15:44,970
Maybe.

217
00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:48,330
There's kind of
a dark horse in the running.

218
00:15:49,372 --> 00:15:52,812
God, will somebody tell me
why I read these spy novels?

219
00:15:52,893 --> 00:15:55,213
Because you're an idiot.

220
00:15:55,294 --> 00:15:57,654
Oh, yeah, that's it.

221
00:15:57,734 --> 00:16:00,054
You two...

222
00:16:00,135 --> 00:16:04,974
Great pâté, but I gotta motor if I want
to be ready for that party tonight.

223
00:16:08,337 --> 00:16:10,016
Corn nuts!

224
00:16:10,097 --> 00:16:11,416
BQ or plain?

225
00:16:11,498 --> 00:16:13,257
BQ!

226
00:16:16,859 --> 00:16:20,058
You're going to pull a
super-chug with that?

227
00:16:21,139 --> 00:16:25,340
No, but if you're nice,
I'll let you buy me a slushie.

228
00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:29,341
I see you know
your convenience-speak pretty well.

229
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:33,421
Yeah, well, I've been
moved around all my life.

230
00:16:33,502 --> 00:16:37,342
Dallas, Baton Rouge, Vegas...

231
00:16:37,424 --> 00:16:39,543
Sherwood, Ohio.

232
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,504
There's always been
a Snappy Snack Shack.

233
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:48,064
Any town, any time, pop a ham and cheese
in the microwave and feast on a turbo-dog.

234
00:16:49,106 --> 00:16:50,944
Keeps me sane.

235
00:16:52,026 --> 00:16:53,705
Really?

236
00:16:55,587 --> 00:16:59,908
That thing you pulled in the caff today
was pretty severe.

237
00:16:59,988 --> 00:17:04,189
Yeah, well, the extreme
always seems to make an impression.

238
00:17:07,990 --> 00:17:10,230
Did you say a cherry or Coke slushie?

239
00:17:10,310 --> 00:17:13,630
I didn't. Cherry.

240
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,192
Great bike.

241
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:26,954
Yeah. Just a humble perk
from my dad's construction company.

242
00:17:27,034 --> 00:17:28,793
Seen the commercial, right?

243
00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:31,915
"Bringing every state to a higher state."

244
00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:33,956
Wait a minute. Jason Dean.

245
00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:36,595
Your pop's Big Bud Dean Construction?

246
00:17:36,676 --> 00:17:39,795
It must be rough moving place to place.

247
00:17:39,878 --> 00:17:43,758
Everybody's life has got static.
Is your life perfect?

248
00:17:43,838 --> 00:17:46,837
Yeah. I'm going to
a Remington University party.

249
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,320
No, my life's not perfect.

250
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,440
I don't really like my friends.

251
00:17:55,522 --> 00:17:59,322
Yeah, I don't really like
your friends, either.

252
00:18:01,363 --> 00:18:04,722
Well, it's just like
they're people I work with

253
00:18:04,804 --> 00:18:07,883
and our job is being popular and shit.

254
00:18:09,205 --> 00:18:11,884
Maybe it's time to take a vacation.

255
00:18:21,486 --> 00:18:25,086
Hello, ladies.
Throw your coats on the floor.

256
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:27,087
Veronica, this is Brad.

257
00:18:27,169 --> 00:18:28,568
Excellent.

258
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:31,848
Did you girls bring
your partying slippers?

259
00:18:31,929 --> 00:18:34,849
- Let's party.
- She loves to party.

260
00:18:40,691 --> 00:18:43,331
'Dear diary, I want to kill,

261
00:18:43,411 --> 00:18:46,611
'and it's for more than
just selfish reasons.

262
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,452
'More than a spoke in my menstrual cycle.

263
00:18:49,534 --> 00:18:51,372
'You have to believe me.'

264
00:18:51,454 --> 00:18:55,814
It's so great to talk to a girl
and not have to ask "what's your major?"

265
00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:57,855
I hate that.

266
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,376
So, when you go to college,

267
00:19:06,457 --> 00:19:09,137
what subjects do you think you'll study?

268
00:19:11,899 --> 00:19:15,018
Come on, David.
Shouldn't we get back to the party?

269
00:19:15,099 --> 00:19:16,739
We will.

270
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:19,700
It's just you're so hot tonight.

271
00:19:19,780 --> 00:19:21,740
I can't control myself.

272
00:19:32,383 --> 00:19:35,663
'I can't explain it but
I'm allowed an understanding

273
00:19:35,744 --> 00:19:40,344
'that my parents and these
Remington assholes have chosen to ignore.

274
00:19:40,425 --> 00:19:42,905
'I understand that I must stop Heather.'

275
00:20:17,554 --> 00:20:19,834
How's my little cheerleader?

276
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:26,674
Oh, I know everyone
at your high school isn't so uptight.

277
00:20:26,756 --> 00:20:29,716
- Come on.
- I don't feel so good, OK?

278
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:32,716
Let's do it on the coats.
It'll be excellent?

279
00:20:32,797 --> 00:20:35,197
I have a prepared speech I tell my suitor

280
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:37,996
when he wants more
than I'd like to give him.

281
00:20:38,079 --> 00:20:39,959
Gee, blank, I had a really nice...

282
00:20:40,039 --> 00:20:42,519
Save the speeches for Malcolm X.

283
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,840
I just want to get laid.

284
00:20:48,641 --> 00:20:51,081
You don't deserve my fucking speech.

285
00:20:52,442 --> 00:20:55,161
'Betty Finn was a true friend
and I sold her out

286
00:20:55,243 --> 00:20:58,082
'for a bunch of Swatchdogs
and Diet Cokeheads.

287
00:20:58,163 --> 00:21:01,842
'Killing Heather would be like offing
the Wicked Witch of the West.

288
00:21:01,924 --> 00:21:05,123
'Wait, East. West!
I sound like a fucking psycho.'

289
00:21:16,287 --> 00:21:19,806
What's your damage?
Brad says you're being a cooze.

290
00:21:19,888 --> 00:21:23,769
I feel really sick, like I'm gonna throw up.
Can we please jam now?

291
00:21:23,848 --> 00:21:25,607
No. Hell, no.

292
00:21:36,731 --> 00:21:40,171
'Tomorrow I'll be kissing
her aerobicised ass

293
00:21:40,252 --> 00:21:43,892
'but tonight let me dream of
a world without Heather,

294
00:21:43,973 --> 00:21:46,093
'a world where I am free.'

295
00:21:53,015 --> 00:21:55,095
You stupid fuck.

296
00:21:55,176 --> 00:21:57,575
You goddamn bitch.

297
00:21:57,657 --> 00:22:02,297
You were nothing before you met me.
You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn.

298
00:22:02,377 --> 00:22:05,857
You were a Bluebird, you were a Brownie,

299
00:22:05,938 --> 00:22:08,578
you were a Girl Scout Cookie.

300
00:22:08,658 --> 00:22:11,298
I got you into a Remington party.

301
00:22:11,380 --> 00:22:15,099
What's my thanks?
It's on the hallway carpet.

302
00:22:15,181 --> 00:22:16,980
I got paid in puke.

303
00:22:17,061 --> 00:22:20,381
Lick it up, baby. Lick it up.

304
00:22:21,982 --> 00:22:24,062
Monday morning you're history.

305
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:26,382
I'll tell everyone about tonight.

306
00:22:26,463 --> 00:22:29,742
Transfer to Washington,
transfer to Jefferson,

307
00:22:29,824 --> 00:22:34,344
no one at Westerburg's gonna let you
play their reindeer games.

308
00:22:42,907 --> 00:22:45,986
Dreadful etiquette. I apologize.

309
00:22:46,988 --> 00:22:48,587
That's OK.

310
00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:54,909
I saw the croquet set up in the back.
You up for a match?

311
00:23:04,832 --> 00:23:07,152
I thank you.

312
00:23:07,232 --> 00:23:11,593
That was my first game of strip croquet.

313
00:23:11,673 --> 00:23:13,673
You're welcome.

314
00:23:13,754 --> 00:23:17,473
It's a lot more interesting
than just flinging off your clothes

315
00:23:17,554 --> 00:23:20,114
and boning away
on a neighbor's swing set.

316
00:23:20,196 --> 00:23:22,676
There's lots to be said for throwing off...

317
00:23:26,876 --> 00:23:28,916
What a night.

318
00:23:28,998 --> 00:23:30,836
What a life.

319
00:23:30,918 --> 00:23:34,437
They wanted to move me
into high school out of the sixth grade

320
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,359
because I was supposed to be
this big genius.

321
00:23:37,439 --> 00:23:39,439
Then we decided to chuck the idea

322
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:43,319
because I'd have trouble
making friends, blah, blah, blah.

323
00:23:43,401 --> 00:23:45,441
Now blah, blah, blah is all I do.

324
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,519
I use my grand IQ
to decide what color gloss to wear

325
00:23:48,602 --> 00:23:51,482
and how to hit three keggers before curfew.

326
00:24:00,725 --> 00:24:04,605
Heather Chandler is one bitch
that deserves to die.

327
00:24:04,686 --> 00:24:06,965
Killing her won't solve anything.

328
00:24:08,527 --> 00:24:11,766
I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

329
00:24:14,568 --> 00:24:16,488
But before that...

330
00:24:16,568 --> 00:24:19,928
I'd love to see Heather Chandler
puke her guts out.

331
00:24:24,769 --> 00:24:28,530
Trust me, she skips
the Saturday morning trip to grandma's

332
00:24:28,611 --> 00:24:30,571
even when she's not hung over.

333
00:24:31,891 --> 00:24:35,331
We'll just concoct ourselves
a little hangover cure

334
00:24:35,413 --> 00:24:39,052
that'll induce her to spew
red, white and blue, then.

335
00:24:40,694 --> 00:24:44,895
What about milk and orange juice?
What's the up-chuck factor on that?

336
00:24:44,974 --> 00:24:48,373
I'm a no-rust-build-up man, myself.

337
00:24:48,456 --> 00:24:50,415
Don't be a dick.

338
00:24:50,496 --> 00:24:52,376
That stuff will kill her.

339
00:25:00,017 --> 00:25:03,296
I know, we can cook up some soup
and put it in a Coke.

340
00:25:04,299 --> 00:25:06,138
That's pretty sick, eh?

341
00:25:06,220 --> 00:25:09,540
Should it be chicken noodle
or bean with bacon?

342
00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:14,139
Put a lid on that stuff.
I say we go with big blue here.

343
00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:15,941
What are you talking about?

344
00:25:16,022 --> 00:25:20,942
She would never drink anything
that looked like that, anyway.

345
00:25:21,023 --> 00:25:24,223
So we'll... put it in this.

346
00:25:24,303 --> 00:25:26,943
She won't be able to see
what she's drinking.

347
00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:28,984
Let me get a cup, jerk.

348
00:25:33,026 --> 00:25:34,906
OK.

349
00:25:35,987 --> 00:25:38,867
Milk and orange juice.

350
00:25:38,947 --> 00:25:43,387
Maybe we could, like, cough up
a phlegm globber in it or something.

351
00:25:54,030 --> 00:25:56,389
- No?
- Nothing.

352
00:25:56,472 --> 00:26:00,432
Oh, well. Milk and orange juice
will do quite nicely.

353
00:26:00,512 --> 00:26:02,673
You're chicken.

354
00:26:02,752 --> 00:26:04,712
You're not funny.

355
00:26:12,074 --> 00:26:13,833
I'm sorry.

356
00:26:29,318 --> 00:26:31,958
- Veronica?
- What?

357
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:36,120
Never mind. I'll, er, carry the cup.

358
00:26:40,561 --> 00:26:42,640
Morning, Heather.

359
00:26:44,441 --> 00:26:48,322
Veronica... and Jesse James.

360
00:26:48,403 --> 00:26:50,763
Quelle surprise.

361
00:26:50,844 --> 00:26:54,043
Hear about Veronica's
affection for regurgitation?

362
00:26:54,125 --> 00:26:57,324
Last night we both
said things we didn't mean.

363
00:26:57,405 --> 00:26:59,124
Did we?

364
00:26:59,205 --> 00:27:01,043
How did you get in?

365
00:27:01,126 --> 00:27:05,086
Veronica knew
you'd have a hangover

366
00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:07,647
so I whipped this up for you.

367
00:27:07,728 --> 00:27:09,487
It's a family recipe.

368
00:27:09,568 --> 00:27:11,808
What, you put a phlegm globber in it?

369
00:27:11,888 --> 00:27:14,848
I'm not going to drink that piss.

370
00:27:14,929 --> 00:27:17,488
I knew this stuff'd be too intense for her.

371
00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,530
Intense.

372
00:27:21,610 --> 00:27:23,329
Grow up.

373
00:27:23,410 --> 00:27:27,611
You think I'll drink it
just because you call me chicken?

374
00:27:30,812 --> 00:27:32,732
Just give me the cup, jerk.

375
00:27:51,577 --> 00:27:53,617
Corn nuts.

376
00:28:09,381 --> 00:28:11,501
Oh, my God.

377
00:28:11,582 --> 00:28:14,022
I can't believe it.

378
00:28:14,103 --> 00:28:16,062
I just killed my best friend.

379
00:28:16,144 --> 00:28:18,024
And your worst enemy.

380
00:28:18,104 --> 00:28:20,063
Same difference.

381
00:28:28,746 --> 00:28:30,946
What are we going to tell the cops?

382
00:28:33,507 --> 00:28:36,067
"Fuck it if she can't take a joke, Sarge."

383
00:28:36,147 --> 00:28:38,627
Cops.

384
00:28:38,708 --> 00:28:41,707
I can't believe this is my life.

385
00:28:41,789 --> 00:28:44,389
Oh, my God.

386
00:28:44,469 --> 00:28:46,989
I'm going to have to send
my SAT scores

387
00:28:47,069 --> 00:28:49,469
to San Quentin instead of Stanford.

388
00:28:52,151 --> 00:28:54,791
All right, just a little freaked, here.

389
00:28:56,192 --> 00:28:58,911
At least you got what you wanted.

390
00:28:58,993 --> 00:29:00,874
Got what I wanted?

391
00:29:00,953 --> 00:29:03,873
It's one thing to want
somebody out of your life,

392
00:29:03,953 --> 00:29:08,233
it's another thing to serve them
a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.

393
00:29:32,281 --> 00:29:36,000
All right, we did a murder
and that's a crime,

394
00:29:36,082 --> 00:29:41,883
but if this were like
a suicide thing, you know?

395
00:29:44,603 --> 00:29:46,322
Like a suicide thing?

396
00:29:46,404 --> 00:29:48,683
Yeah, yeah.

397
00:29:49,764 --> 00:29:53,685
You can do Heather's handwriting
as well as your own, right?

398
00:29:54,766 --> 00:29:56,445
Right?

399
00:30:02,768 --> 00:30:05,208
- Yeah.
- All right.

400
00:30:07,169 --> 00:30:10,008
You might think what I've done is shocking?

401
00:30:10,089 --> 00:30:11,289
Yeah.

402
00:30:17,091 --> 00:30:20,171
To me, though,
suicide is the natural answer

403
00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:23,810
to the myriad of problems
life has given me.

404
00:30:23,892 --> 00:30:27,131
That's good but Heather
would never use the word myriad.

405
00:30:27,213 --> 00:30:29,534
This is the last thing she'll ever write,

406
00:30:29,613 --> 00:30:32,533
she'll want to use
as many 50-cent words as possible.

407
00:30:32,614 --> 00:30:35,574
She missed myriad
on the vocab test two weeks ago.

408
00:30:35,656 --> 00:30:37,696
That only proves my point more.

409
00:30:37,775 --> 00:30:40,855
The word is a badge
for her failures at school.

410
00:30:40,935 --> 00:30:43,975
Oh. OK, you're probably right.

411
00:30:46,577 --> 00:30:52,738
People think just because
you're beautiful and popular,

412
00:30:52,819 --> 00:30:56,218
life is easy and fun.

413
00:30:56,300 --> 00:30:58,540
Yeah.

414
00:30:58,621 --> 00:31:04,382
No one understood I had feelings too.

415
00:31:07,302 --> 00:31:10,301
I die knowing no one knew the real me.

416
00:31:13,024 --> 00:31:15,184
That's good.

417
00:31:15,264 --> 00:31:17,224
Have you done this before?

418
00:31:20,465 --> 00:31:23,505
Any other principal
would take the same position...

419
00:31:23,586 --> 00:31:25,626
keep things business as usual.

420
00:31:25,706 --> 00:31:28,265
Heather Chandler's
not your everyday suicide.

421
00:31:28,347 --> 00:31:31,866
- She was very popular.
- If I let these kids out before lunch,

422
00:31:31,948 --> 00:31:34,987
the switchboard would light up
like a Christmas tree.

423
00:31:35,068 --> 00:31:40,748
I was impressed that she made proper use
of the word myriad in her suicide note.

424
00:31:40,830 --> 00:31:44,069
I find it profoundly disturbing

425
00:31:44,151 --> 00:31:47,510
that we're told of
the tragic destruction of youth

426
00:31:47,592 --> 00:31:50,472
and all we can think to talk about

427
00:31:50,552 --> 00:31:53,951
is adequate mourning times
and misused vocabulary words.

428
00:31:54,034 --> 00:31:55,833
Oh, Christ!

429
00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:59,074
We must revel in this revealing moment.

430
00:31:59,153 --> 00:32:02,872
Look, I suggest that
we get everybody together,

431
00:32:02,955 --> 00:32:05,954
both students and teachers,
in the cafeteria

432
00:32:06,035 --> 00:32:09,995
and just talk and feel...

433
00:32:10,077 --> 00:32:11,755
together.

434
00:32:11,837 --> 00:32:15,157
Thank you, Ms Fleming.
You call me when the shuttle lands.

435
00:32:15,238 --> 00:32:17,718
Now, is this Heather the cheerleader?

436
00:32:17,798 --> 00:32:20,438
That would be Heather McNamara.

437
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,519
Damn. I'd be willing to go half a day
for a cheerleader.

438
00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:28,920
God, it's unfair. It's just so unfair.

439
00:32:29,001 --> 00:32:32,080
We should get off a whole week,
not just an hour.

440
00:32:32,162 --> 00:32:33,881
Write the school board.

441
00:32:33,962 --> 00:32:36,681
Watch it, you might be digesting food.

442
00:32:36,763 --> 00:32:39,643
- Yeah, where is your urge to purge?
- Fuck it.

443
00:32:39,724 --> 00:32:41,483
Look...

444
00:32:43,964 --> 00:32:47,203
Heather left behind one of her Swatches.

445
00:32:48,285 --> 00:32:50,845
She'd want you to have it, Veronica.

446
00:32:50,926 --> 00:32:55,646
She always said
you couldn't accessorize for shit.

447
00:32:55,727 --> 00:32:57,807
Sorry to hear about your friend.

448
00:32:57,887 --> 00:33:00,606
I thought she was your usual airhead bitch.

449
00:33:00,688 --> 00:33:02,608
Guess I was wrong.

450
00:33:02,688 --> 00:33:04,648
We all were.

451
00:33:07,090 --> 00:33:08,889
What a waste.

452
00:33:10,050 --> 00:33:12,009
Oh, the humanity.

453
00:33:19,212 --> 00:33:20,811
Veronica?

454
00:33:28,895 --> 00:33:31,614
Veronica, what are you doing?

455
00:33:43,098 --> 00:33:49,058
I'm just so thrilled...
to finally have an example

456
00:33:49,139 --> 00:33:53,059
of the profound sensitivity of
which a human animal is capable.

457
00:33:53,140 --> 00:33:56,740
That example is Heather Chandler.

458
00:33:56,822 --> 00:33:58,500
I have her note.

459
00:34:00,822 --> 00:34:03,622
I'm gonna pass this note around the class

460
00:34:03,702 --> 00:34:07,102
so you can all feel
its pathetic beauty for yourself.

461
00:34:08,064 --> 00:34:10,183
And while we do this,

462
00:34:10,265 --> 00:34:13,705
I think it's a good opportunity to share...

463
00:34:13,785 --> 00:34:17,625
the feelings that this suicide
has spurred in all of us.

464
00:34:17,706 --> 00:34:20,426
Now, who would like to begin?

465
00:34:20,506 --> 00:34:22,466
I heard it was really gnarly.

466
00:34:22,546 --> 00:34:26,307
She sucked down a bowl of
multi-purpose deodorizing disinfectant

467
00:34:26,387 --> 00:34:28,026
and then smash!

468
00:34:28,108 --> 00:34:32,787
Tracy, let's not rehash the coroner's
report, let's talk emotions.

469
00:34:33,949 --> 00:34:36,309
Heather and I used to go out

470
00:34:36,390 --> 00:34:38,470
but she said I was boring.

471
00:34:38,550 --> 00:34:41,430
But now I realize I really wasn't boring...

472
00:34:41,512 --> 00:34:44,231
it's just that she was
dissatisfied with her life.

473
00:34:46,992 --> 00:34:49,192
That's... very good, Peter.

474
00:34:56,194 --> 00:34:59,593
Are we going to be tested on this?

475
00:34:59,675 --> 00:35:01,635
'We were the same size

476
00:35:01,716 --> 00:35:05,756
'so we could borrow each other's
clothes, mix it up. It was fun.'

477
00:35:05,838 --> 00:35:10,198
"I remember I won her
a rhino at the 4-H Club... '"

478
00:35:10,278 --> 00:35:12,678
You're an asshole. Mute him.

479
00:35:13,678 --> 00:35:18,319
- 'We liked the same clothes... '
- How many networks did you run to?

480
00:35:18,399 --> 00:35:20,639
'It won't be the same without her.'

481
00:35:20,721 --> 00:35:23,921
What are you talking about?
You hated her. She hated you.

482
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:27,320
'Every English class
I looked forward to seeing her... '

483
00:35:27,401 --> 00:35:30,641
Heather Chandler
is more popular than ever now.

484
00:35:32,003 --> 00:35:34,802
- Scary stuff.
- Yeah.

485
00:35:36,644 --> 00:35:39,004
Hey, son, I didn't hear you come in.

486
00:35:39,084 --> 00:35:42,724
Hey, Dad, how was work today?

487
00:35:46,847 --> 00:35:50,927
It was miserable.
Some damn tribe of withered old bitches

488
00:35:51,007 --> 00:35:54,207
doesn't want us to terminate
that fleabag hotel.

489
00:35:54,288 --> 00:35:58,688
All because Glen Miller and his band
once took a shit there.

490
00:35:58,769 --> 00:36:01,968
Just like Kansas.
You remember fucking Kansas?

491
00:36:02,050 --> 00:36:04,490
That was the one with the wheat, right?

492
00:36:04,570 --> 00:36:08,371
Yeah. Save the Memorial Oak Tree Society.

493
00:36:08,451 --> 00:36:10,851
Showed those fucks.

494
00:36:10,932 --> 00:36:14,973
30 of those 4th of July fireworks
attached to the trunk.

495
00:36:15,053 --> 00:36:17,013
Arraigned but acquitted.

496
00:36:17,093 --> 00:36:21,694
Gosh, Pop,
I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.

497
00:36:21,774 --> 00:36:23,694
Oh. Veronica, this is my dad.

498
00:36:23,775 --> 00:36:25,734
Dad, Veronica.

499
00:36:25,816 --> 00:36:26,975
Hi.

500
00:36:28,656 --> 00:36:32,656
Son, why don't you ask
your little friend to stay for dinner?

501
00:36:32,736 --> 00:36:36,336
I can't. My mom's making
my favorite meal tonight...

502
00:36:36,417 --> 00:36:38,777
spaghetti, lots of oregano.

503
00:36:38,859 --> 00:36:40,498
How nice.

504
00:36:40,578 --> 00:36:42,498
The last time I saw my mom

505
00:36:42,579 --> 00:36:46,660
she was waving from
a library window in Texas. Right, Dad?

506
00:36:48,381 --> 00:36:50,140
Right...

507
00:36:50,221 --> 00:36:51,580
son.

508
00:36:54,142 --> 00:36:56,102
Right.

509
00:36:58,023 --> 00:37:00,582
Take a break, Veronica. Sit down.

510
00:37:03,384 --> 00:37:07,103
So what was the first day
after Heather's suicide like?

511
00:37:07,185 --> 00:37:09,225
Well, it was OK, I guess.

512
00:37:10,305 --> 00:37:12,225
Terrible thing.

513
00:37:12,306 --> 00:37:16,226
So, will we get to meet
this dark horse prom contender?

514
00:37:16,307 --> 00:37:18,787
Maybe.

515
00:37:18,867 --> 00:37:22,506
God, will somebody tell me
why I smoke these things?

516
00:37:22,588 --> 00:37:24,827
Because you're an idiot.

517
00:37:25,709 --> 00:37:27,829
Oh, yeah. That's it.

518
00:37:27,909 --> 00:37:29,989
You two...

519
00:37:30,070 --> 00:37:34,070
Great pâté but I have to motor
if want to be ready for that funeral.

520
00:37:39,592 --> 00:37:41,391
I blame not Heather

521
00:37:41,472 --> 00:37:44,871
but rather a society

522
00:37:44,953 --> 00:37:47,113
that tells its youth

523
00:37:47,193 --> 00:37:52,273
that the answers can be found
in the MTV video games.

524
00:37:53,395 --> 00:37:57,915
We must pray that the other
teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio,

525
00:37:57,996 --> 00:38:01,515
know the name of that righteous dude

526
00:38:01,597 --> 00:38:04,557
who can solve their problems.

527
00:38:04,638 --> 00:38:08,719
It's Jesus Christ and he's in the book.

528
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,199
Amen.

529
00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:19,200
'O God, this is a tragic thing

530
00:38:19,281 --> 00:38:22,560
'and sometimes
I have a hard time dealing with it.

531
00:38:22,642 --> 00:38:24,842
'Please send Heather to heaven.'

532
00:38:24,921 --> 00:38:27,681
'Dear God, please make sure
this never happens to me,

533
00:38:27,763 --> 00:38:29,722
'I don't think I can handle suicide.

534
00:38:29,804 --> 00:38:34,564
'Early acceptance into an Ivy League school
and please let it be Harvard. Amen.'

535
00:38:34,645 --> 00:38:39,525
'Jesus God in heaven,
why did you kill such hot snatch?

536
00:38:39,605 --> 00:38:43,445
'It's a joke, man.
Jeez, people are so serious.

537
00:38:43,526 --> 00:38:45,525
'Hail Mary, who aren't in heaven,

538
00:38:45,608 --> 00:38:48,567
'pray for all us sinners
so we don't get caught.

539
00:38:48,648 --> 00:38:50,607
'Another joke, man.'

540
00:38:50,688 --> 00:38:54,448
'I prayed for the death of
Heather Chandler many times.

541
00:38:54,529 --> 00:38:58,048
'I felt bad every time I did it
but I kept doing it.

542
00:38:58,129 --> 00:39:00,769
'Now I know you understood everything.

543
00:39:00,851 --> 00:39:03,650
'Praise Jesus. Hallelujah.'

544
00:39:04,932 --> 00:39:06,892
'Hi. I'm sorry.

545
00:39:06,972 --> 00:39:12,733
'Technically, I did not kill Heather Chandler,
but, hey, who am I trying to kid, right?

546
00:39:12,813 --> 00:39:16,253
'I just want my high school
to be a nice place.

547
00:39:16,334 --> 00:39:18,012
'Amen.

548
00:39:18,095 --> 00:39:20,055
'Did that sound bitchy? '

549
00:39:24,736 --> 00:39:28,016
Veronica, what are you doing tonight?

550
00:39:29,258 --> 00:39:33,498
I don't know. Mourning.
Maybe watch some TV. Why?

551
00:39:35,139 --> 00:39:38,258
Well, Ram asked me out tonight...

552
00:39:38,339 --> 00:39:41,459
but he wants to double with Kurt...

553
00:39:41,540 --> 00:39:43,980
and Kurt doesn't have a date.

554
00:39:44,061 --> 00:39:46,620
Heather, I have something going with JD.

555
00:39:46,700 --> 00:39:50,020
Please, Veronica.
Put Billy the Kid on hold tonight.

556
00:39:50,102 --> 00:39:52,181
I'll be your best friend.

557
00:39:55,423 --> 00:39:58,142
So we on tonight, man, or what?

558
00:39:58,224 --> 00:40:00,184
I don't know.

559
00:40:00,265 --> 00:40:02,624
I still got to talk to Heather, dude.

560
00:40:02,705 --> 00:40:04,625
Weird funeral?

561
00:40:05,746 --> 00:40:08,346
That pudwapper just stepped on my foot.

562
00:40:08,426 --> 00:40:11,385
- Let's kick his ass.
- Cool off.

563
00:40:11,467 --> 00:40:13,947
- We're seniors.
- Goddamn geek!

564
00:40:15,108 --> 00:40:18,869
Well. Sit and spin.

565
00:40:18,948 --> 00:40:21,348
That little prick.

566
00:40:33,111 --> 00:40:35,511
You piece of shit fag.
You like to suck big dicks?

567
00:40:35,593 --> 00:40:38,673
- Cut it out.
- Say, "I like to suck big dicks."

568
00:40:38,753 --> 00:40:41,752
Leave him alone, Ram.

569
00:40:44,474 --> 00:40:46,033
Say it.

570
00:40:48,796 --> 00:40:50,235
Say it!

571
00:40:50,316 --> 00:40:51,955
OK, OK.

572
00:40:53,276 --> 00:40:55,236
You like to suck big dicks.

573
00:41:00,398 --> 00:41:02,358
I like to suck big dicks.

574
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:08,319
I can't get enough of 'em.
Are you satisfied?

575
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,280
Don't worry. Ram's been so sweet lately,

576
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,360
consoling me and stuff.

577
00:41:13,441 --> 00:41:16,521
It'll be really very. Promise.

578
00:41:16,602 --> 00:41:19,802
OK. Just as long as
it won't be one of those nights

579
00:41:19,882 --> 00:41:24,002
where they get shitfaced
and take us to a pasture to tip cows.

580
00:41:29,765 --> 00:41:32,604
- Is it sleeping, dude?
- I think so, man.

581
00:41:36,246 --> 00:41:37,805
Come here.

582
00:41:37,887 --> 00:41:42,927
Oh, shit. Cow tipping is the
fucking greatest! Punch it in.

583
00:41:45,128 --> 00:41:48,168
Shit. On the count of three, guy.

584
00:41:49,689 --> 00:41:51,328
One...

585
00:41:51,409 --> 00:41:53,248
two... three!

586
00:42:03,013 --> 00:42:07,253
When I get that feeling,
I need sexual healing.

587
00:42:07,333 --> 00:42:09,413
Yeah, right, asshole.

588
00:42:15,855 --> 00:42:17,815
What is this shit?

589
00:42:24,298 --> 00:42:27,058
Doing a favor for Heather. Double date.

590
00:42:27,137 --> 00:42:30,256
I tried to tell you at the funeral
but you rode off.

591
00:42:30,339 --> 00:42:32,298
Another fucking Heather.

592
00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:39,220
I'm sorry. I'm feeling a
little superior tonight.

593
00:42:40,421 --> 00:42:42,381
Seven schools in seven states

594
00:42:42,461 --> 00:42:45,860
and the only thing different
is my locker combination.

595
00:42:48,583 --> 00:42:53,503
Our love is god. Let's go get a slushie.

596
00:43:04,226 --> 00:43:09,026
I'm not belittling the foodless fund,
Peter, but we're talking teen suicide here.

597
00:43:09,107 --> 00:43:14,067
The number one song in America today
is Teenage Suicide Don't Do It by Big Fun.

598
00:43:14,149 --> 00:43:19,069
Westerburg finally got one of these things
and I'm not gonna blow it.

599
00:43:19,149 --> 00:43:23,909
So Heather gets the front page and
I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.

600
00:43:23,991 --> 00:43:28,351
Hi, guys, I came to check up
on this week's lunch-time poll topic.

601
00:43:28,431 --> 00:43:31,871
Don't worry about it, Veronica.
Sit down?

602
00:43:31,953 --> 00:43:36,433
That funeral yesterday
must have really been rough?

603
00:43:36,514 --> 00:43:37,913
Oh, yeah.

604
00:43:37,994 --> 00:43:42,875
We were wondering if you had any poems,
artwork that Heather did

605
00:43:42,955 --> 00:43:46,595
that we can put in
the Heather Chandler yearbook spread?

606
00:43:46,676 --> 00:43:48,475
The what?

607
00:43:48,557 --> 00:43:54,277
Look, it's a two-page layout with her
suicide note right up here in the corner.

608
00:43:56,078 --> 00:43:58,717
It's more tasteful than it sounds.

609
00:43:58,799 --> 00:44:02,680
I don't know, Dennis,
this stuff leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

610
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,759
Like last night, Veronica?

611
00:44:08,521 --> 00:44:11,441
Excuse me? I don't get it.

612
00:44:11,522 --> 00:44:13,321
You did last night.

613
00:44:13,402 --> 00:44:15,322
Kurt told us of your little date.

614
00:44:15,403 --> 00:44:19,163
Yeah, and? I left him drunk
and flailing in cow shit.

615
00:44:19,244 --> 00:44:22,404
Well, I don't know. He was really detailed.

616
00:44:22,484 --> 00:44:24,724
Shut up, Courtney.

617
00:44:24,805 --> 00:44:27,765
No, don't shut up.
I'd like to know exactly what I did.

618
00:44:28,846 --> 00:44:32,806
Come on, Veronica.
I'll show you the lunch-time poll topic.

619
00:44:34,927 --> 00:44:36,926
What the fuck?

620
00:44:37,007 --> 00:44:40,047
I rarely listen to
Neanderthals like Kurt Kelly

621
00:44:40,129 --> 00:44:42,009
but he said that he and Ram

622
00:44:42,088 --> 00:44:46,208
had a nice little sword fight
in your mouth last night.

623
00:44:46,290 --> 00:44:50,370
Ew! That son of a bitch.

624
00:44:52,250 --> 00:44:53,889
Hi, Kurt?

625
00:44:53,971 --> 00:44:56,610
Hi, this is Veronica Sawyer.

626
00:44:56,692 --> 00:45:01,971
I didn't expect to be calling, either.
I guess my emotions took over.

627
00:45:02,054 --> 00:45:06,734
I was wondering if you wanted those things
you've been saying to really happen.

628
00:45:06,814 --> 00:45:10,774
It's always been a fantasy of mine
to have two guys at once.

629
00:45:10,855 --> 00:45:13,574
Oh, sure, you can write to Penthouse forum.

630
00:45:15,497 --> 00:45:17,896
Yeah, in the woods behind the school.

631
00:45:17,977 --> 00:45:19,776
At dawn.

632
00:45:19,857 --> 00:45:21,817
Don't forget Ram.

633
00:45:29,699 --> 00:45:35,259
Why am I writing a suicide note when we're
just going to be shooting them with blanks?

634
00:45:35,341 --> 00:45:38,381
We're not gonna be using blanks this time.

635
00:45:39,502 --> 00:45:41,542
You can't be serious.

636
00:45:41,622 --> 00:45:43,421
I am.

637
00:45:43,503 --> 00:45:46,422
Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.

638
00:45:46,504 --> 00:45:49,583
Wait a second, wait a second.
Do you take German?

639
00:45:49,664 --> 00:45:51,263
French.

640
00:45:51,345 --> 00:45:53,864
All right. These are echt Luger bullets.

641
00:45:53,946 --> 00:45:57,225
My grandfather snared
a shitload of them back in WWII.

642
00:45:57,306 --> 00:45:59,706
They're like tranquillizers,

643
00:45:59,787 --> 00:46:05,027
only they break the skin's surface enough
to cause blood but no real damage.

644
00:46:05,107 --> 00:46:08,386
So it looks like
the person's been shot and killed

645
00:46:08,468 --> 00:46:11,787
and really they're just
unconscious and bleeding?

646
00:46:11,869 --> 00:46:13,468
Oh.

647
00:46:13,550 --> 00:46:15,349
Right.

648
00:46:15,430 --> 00:46:19,510
See, we shoot Kurt and Ram,
make it look like they shot each other

649
00:46:19,591 --> 00:46:24,550
and by the time they regain consciousness,
they'll be the laughing stock of the school.

650
00:46:24,632 --> 00:46:27,751
The note's the punch line.
How'd that turn out?

651
00:46:27,834 --> 00:46:30,953
First tell me the similarity
is not incredible.

652
00:46:32,354 --> 00:46:34,113
It's incredible similarity.

653
00:46:36,315 --> 00:46:38,355
OK.

654
00:46:40,036 --> 00:46:42,115
"Ram and I died the day we realized"

655
00:46:42,196 --> 00:46:46,676
"we could never reveal our forbidden love
to an uncaring and un-understanding world."

656
00:46:46,758 --> 00:46:50,878
"The joy we shared in each other's arms
was greater than any touchdown,"

657
00:46:50,958 --> 00:46:53,118
"yet we were forced to live the lie"

658
00:46:53,199 --> 00:46:56,598
"of sexist, beer-guzzling, jock assholes."

659
00:46:56,679 --> 00:46:58,919
That's perfect.

660
00:46:58,999 --> 00:47:02,479
Let's take a look at some
of the homosexual artifacts

661
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,520
I dug up to plant at the scene.

662
00:47:06,201 --> 00:47:08,920
All right. An issue of Stud Puppy.

663
00:47:09,002 --> 00:47:11,522
That's great!

664
00:47:11,603 --> 00:47:15,882
A candy dish, a Joan Crawford postcard.

665
00:47:15,965 --> 00:47:17,885
Good.

666
00:47:17,965 --> 00:47:19,925
Some mascara.

667
00:47:21,084 --> 00:47:25,685
All right, now, here's the one
perfecto thing I picked up...

668
00:47:25,766 --> 00:47:26,926
mineral water.

669
00:47:27,006 --> 00:47:31,846
Come on, a lot of people
drink mineral water. It's come a long way.

670
00:47:31,927 --> 00:47:33,646
Yeah, but this is Ohio.

671
00:47:33,728 --> 00:47:37,328
If you don't have a brewski in your hand,
you might as well be wearing a dress.

672
00:47:37,408 --> 00:47:39,608
Oh, you're so smart.

673
00:47:50,252 --> 00:47:52,332
Hi, Veronica.

674
00:47:52,412 --> 00:47:54,332
Hi, guys.

675
00:47:56,453 --> 00:47:58,493
Glad you could make it.

676
00:48:06,775 --> 00:48:08,895
So should I just whip it out or...

677
00:48:08,976 --> 00:48:13,017
Well, I've made a circle
on each side of the clearing.

678
00:48:13,097 --> 00:48:15,537
Ram, you come over here.

679
00:48:15,618 --> 00:48:17,057
Kurt.

680
00:48:18,898 --> 00:48:22,177
When you get to the circle, strip.

681
00:48:22,259 --> 00:48:24,218
What about you?

682
00:48:24,300 --> 00:48:27,659
I was hoping you could
rip my clothes off me, sport.

683
00:48:29,181 --> 00:48:30,540
Oh.

684
00:48:30,622 --> 00:48:32,261
Good idea.

685
00:48:40,303 --> 00:48:43,463
OK. Count of three, guys.

686
00:48:45,385 --> 00:48:47,024
One...

687
00:48:49,666 --> 00:48:51,385
two...

688
00:48:52,947 --> 00:48:55,707
Three!

689
00:48:58,187 --> 00:49:00,146
You missed him completely?

690
00:49:00,228 --> 00:49:02,227
It was worth it just to see the look...

691
00:49:02,309 --> 00:49:05,189
Don't move. I'll get him back.

692
00:49:41,398 --> 00:49:43,157
Ha!

693
00:50:11,124 --> 00:50:13,123
- No.
- Now!

694
00:50:24,208 --> 00:50:26,767
- Hey, I heard it that time.
- What?

695
00:50:26,847 --> 00:50:28,927
Another gunshot from the woods.

696
00:50:29,008 --> 00:50:30,967
Oh, shit. Let's roll!

697
00:50:31,049 --> 00:50:32,929
Kurt doesn't look too good.

698
00:50:33,008 --> 00:50:35,128
Just remember he's left-handed.

699
00:50:35,209 --> 00:50:38,489
Keep going until you hit the clearing.

700
00:50:38,570 --> 00:50:40,689
Come on.

701
00:50:44,772 --> 00:50:47,132
- Mother of shit!
- Call in.

702
00:50:47,212 --> 00:50:51,532
Hey, I heard something out there.

703
00:50:51,613 --> 00:50:53,573
I'm checking it out.

704
00:50:53,653 --> 00:50:57,292
This is Officer McCord.
I've got two dead bodies in the woods

705
00:50:57,374 --> 00:50:59,133
behind Westerburg High.

706
00:51:45,345 --> 00:51:49,226
'Milner, can you hear me?
What's going down? '

707
00:51:49,306 --> 00:51:53,025
Yeah... I think what I heard
was just a bunny rabbit.

708
00:51:53,107 --> 00:51:56,786
All I've got here is two kids
making out in a station wagon.

709
00:51:56,868 --> 00:51:58,749
'Should I pry them apart? '

710
00:51:58,828 --> 00:52:01,988
No. Forget it.
I got all the answers back here.

711
00:52:02,069 --> 00:52:03,708
Hey...

712
00:52:03,790 --> 00:52:06,349
are they naked?

713
00:52:17,673 --> 00:52:20,312
Yeah, so what's the deal?

714
00:52:20,394 --> 00:52:23,913
Suicide. Double suicide.
They shot each other.

715
00:52:23,995 --> 00:52:26,035
Hey, that's Kurt Kelly.

716
00:52:26,115 --> 00:52:28,515
Yeah, and the linebacker, Ram Sweeney.

717
00:52:30,436 --> 00:52:34,075
My God, suicide. Why?

718
00:52:35,357 --> 00:52:38,356
Does this answer your question?

719
00:52:38,438 --> 00:52:40,758
Oh, man. They were fags.

720
00:52:40,839 --> 00:52:45,479
Listen up. "We realized we could never
reveal our forbidden love"

721
00:52:45,559 --> 00:52:48,879
"to an uncaring
and un-understanding world."

722
00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:51,639
Jesus H Christ!

723
00:52:51,721 --> 00:52:54,561
The quarterback buggering the linebacker.

724
00:52:55,642 --> 00:52:57,562
What a waste.

725
00:52:57,642 --> 00:52:59,602
Oh, the humanity.

726
00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:35,930
So we killed them, didn't we?

727
00:53:36,012 --> 00:53:38,131
Yeah. Of course.

728
00:54:03,217 --> 00:54:06,697
Echt Luger bullets. I'm such an idiot.

729
00:54:09,739 --> 00:54:13,458
Look, you believed it
because you wanted to believe it.

730
00:54:13,540 --> 00:54:18,300
Your true feelings
were too gross and icky for you to face.

731
00:54:19,581 --> 00:54:22,420
I did not want them dead.

732
00:54:23,982 --> 00:54:27,022
- You did too.
- I did not.

733
00:54:27,102 --> 00:54:28,341
Did too.

734
00:54:28,424 --> 00:54:29,743
- I did not.
- Did too.

735
00:54:29,822 --> 00:54:31,661
- Did not.
- Did too.

736
00:54:31,743 --> 00:54:33,943
- Did not! Did not!
- Did too!

737
00:54:34,025 --> 00:54:36,105
Shut up! I did not want them dead.

738
00:54:36,185 --> 00:54:39,505
- Come on, you did. You're just...
- ♪ Mary had a little lamb... ♪

739
00:54:39,586 --> 00:54:43,145
I did not!

740
00:54:44,386 --> 00:54:45,986
Young love!

741
00:54:46,067 --> 00:54:49,828
School's cancelled today
because Kurt and Ram killed themselves

742
00:54:49,908 --> 00:54:51,907
in a repressed homosexual suicide pact!

743
00:54:51,988 --> 00:54:53,947
No way.

744
00:54:56,028 --> 00:54:57,788
God!

745
00:54:59,350 --> 00:55:02,749
The football season is over, Veronica.

746
00:55:02,831 --> 00:55:05,591
Kurt and Ram
had nothing to offer the school

747
00:55:05,672 --> 00:55:07,712
but date rapes and AIDS jokes.

748
00:55:09,153 --> 00:55:11,233
Sure.

749
00:55:12,433 --> 00:55:15,432
Can we make an ice run
before the funeral?

750
00:55:21,674 --> 00:55:24,714
If there's any way
you can hear me, Kurt buddy...

751
00:55:27,276 --> 00:55:30,755
I don't care that
you really were some... pansy.

752
00:55:32,397 --> 00:55:34,397
You're my own flesh and blood

753
00:55:34,478 --> 00:55:36,438
and you made me proud.

754
00:55:38,999 --> 00:55:41,919
My son's a homosexual and I love him.

755
00:55:44,280 --> 00:55:46,239
I love my dead, gay son.

756
00:55:47,521 --> 00:55:52,481
How do you think he'd react to a son
that had a limp wrist with a pulse?

757
00:56:08,485 --> 00:56:13,925
'Dear diary, my teen angst bullshit
has a body count.

758
00:56:14,007 --> 00:56:17,167
'The most popular people
in school are dead.

759
00:56:17,247 --> 00:56:21,848
'Everybody's sad
but it's a weird kind of sad.

760
00:56:21,929 --> 00:56:27,090
'Suicide gave Heather depth,
Kurt a soul, Ram a brain.

761
00:56:28,210 --> 00:56:30,170
'I don't know what it's given me

762
00:56:30,251 --> 00:56:34,810
'but I've got no control
over myself when I'm with JD.

763
00:56:34,893 --> 00:56:37,773
'Are we going to prom or to hell? '

764
00:56:37,852 --> 00:56:42,772
Now, it seems we were in
a similar position on Monday

765
00:56:42,854 --> 00:56:45,894
when I thoughtfully suggested
we get everybody together

766
00:56:45,975 --> 00:56:49,015
for an unadulterated
emotional outpouring, but no.

767
00:56:49,095 --> 00:56:53,055
You took this as an opportunity
to play yet another round

768
00:56:53,136 --> 00:56:55,415
of "let's laugh at the hippy".

769
00:56:55,497 --> 00:56:58,896
- Pauline...
- Shut up, Paul.

770
00:56:58,977 --> 00:57:01,177
I've seen a lot of bullshit...

771
00:57:01,259 --> 00:57:03,778
ángel dust, switchblades,

772
00:57:03,859 --> 00:57:07,858
sexually perverse photography exhibits
involving tennis rackets...

773
00:57:07,939 --> 00:57:10,058
but this suicide thing...

774
00:57:11,340 --> 00:57:15,300
guess that's more on Pauline's wavelength.

775
00:57:15,381 --> 00:57:18,060
We're just going to write off today

776
00:57:18,141 --> 00:57:23,541
and on Friday she can hold
her little love-in or whatever.

777
00:57:24,983 --> 00:57:26,742
Whatever.

778
00:57:32,345 --> 00:57:33,744
Attention!

779
00:57:35,185 --> 00:57:37,745
May I have your attention, please?

780
00:57:37,826 --> 00:57:41,867
This school has been
torn apart by tragedy.

781
00:57:41,948 --> 00:57:45,667
I'm here today to fuse it back again
through togetherness.

782
00:57:45,748 --> 00:57:49,108
I want everyone to clasp hands.

783
00:57:49,188 --> 00:57:52,907
We need to connect this cafeteria
into one mighty circuit!

784
00:57:52,989 --> 00:57:55,909
- Excuse me.
- Here comes the TV crew!

785
00:57:55,991 --> 00:57:57,750
Lock your paws!

786
00:57:57,831 --> 00:58:00,471
- We're ready when you are.
- Hi, there.

787
00:58:01,511 --> 00:58:05,511
Come on. Let's go. Here.

788
00:58:05,593 --> 00:58:08,432
This will be on TV.
Let's show them how you feel!

789
00:58:08,513 --> 00:58:11,913
Looks like Miss Phlegm's
on another one of her crusades.

790
00:58:11,994 --> 00:58:14,074
With usual success, of course.

791
00:58:14,154 --> 00:58:15,913
Come on, get up!

792
00:58:15,995 --> 00:58:17,634
Hi, what's your name?

793
00:58:17,715 --> 00:58:19,514
I'm Heather Duke.

794
00:58:25,037 --> 00:58:28,436
Is this as good for you as it is for me?

795
00:58:28,519 --> 00:58:31,158
Those fish sticks can wait. Let's go.

796
00:58:31,239 --> 00:58:33,198
Come on, kids!

797
00:58:35,039 --> 00:58:37,318
The whole world is watching!

798
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:41,840
Show them that you care!

799
00:58:42,921 --> 00:58:45,560
Greetings and salutations.

800
00:58:45,642 --> 00:58:50,402
I'll need a VHS copy of this by Monday
for my Princeton application.

801
00:58:51,803 --> 00:58:55,442
You can beat this,
don't let suicide get you down.

802
00:58:56,725 --> 00:58:59,205
That thing this afternoon,

803
00:58:59,285 --> 00:59:02,045
I'm so angry, it was chaos, fucking chaos.

804
00:59:03,486 --> 00:59:05,366
What are you talking about?

805
00:59:05,446 --> 00:59:09,165
I mean, today was great.
Chaos was great.

806
00:59:09,247 --> 00:59:12,566
Chaos is what killed the
dinosaurs, darling.

807
00:59:13,848 --> 00:59:15,968
Face it, our way is the way.

808
00:59:16,049 --> 00:59:18,489
We scare people into not being assholes.

809
00:59:18,569 --> 00:59:21,169
Our way is not our way.

810
00:59:21,250 --> 00:59:24,089
Oh, yeah? Tell that to
the judge, all right?

811
00:59:24,170 --> 00:59:26,008
Tell it to Kurt Kelly.

812
00:59:26,091 --> 00:59:28,451
I'm telling it to you.

813
00:59:30,812 --> 00:59:32,892
God, you can be so immature.

814
00:59:32,973 --> 00:59:36,572
Oh! You kids are making
too much damn noise.

815
00:59:38,214 --> 00:59:40,293
We beat the bitches.

816
00:59:40,374 --> 00:59:42,854
Beautiful. The beaver's home.

817
00:59:42,935 --> 00:59:45,895
Judge told them to slurp shit and die.

818
00:59:45,975 --> 00:59:49,494
I put a Norwegian in the boiler room.

819
00:59:49,577 --> 00:59:51,976
Masterful.

820
00:59:52,057 --> 00:59:54,896
And then when that blew,

821
00:59:54,977 --> 00:59:58,137
it set off a pack of
thermals I stuck upstairs.

822
01:00:07,821 --> 01:00:10,141
Some days it's great to be alive.

823
01:00:12,581 --> 01:00:14,981
Stick it to those goddamn...

824
01:00:15,063 --> 01:00:17,023
Do you like your father?

825
01:00:18,463 --> 01:00:20,903
Never given the matter much thought.

826
01:00:23,783 --> 01:00:25,743
Liked my mother.

827
01:00:26,545 --> 01:00:29,625
They said her death was an accident

828
01:00:29,706 --> 01:00:32,545
but she knew what she was doing.

829
01:00:32,626 --> 01:00:37,506
She walked into the building two minutes
before my dad blew the place up.

830
01:00:37,588 --> 01:00:40,748
She waved at me and then...

831
01:00:40,828 --> 01:00:42,788
boom.

832
01:00:42,869 --> 01:00:46,670
'Dudes, if I get one more request
for that Big Fun song,

833
01:00:46,750 --> 01:00:48,469
'I'm gonna commit suicide.'

834
01:00:48,550 --> 01:00:50,309
Playing our song.

835
01:00:50,390 --> 01:00:53,030
'Here it is, Teenage Suicide Don't Do It.'

836
01:00:54,511 --> 01:00:57,790
♪ Teenage suicide
♪ Don't do it

837
01:00:57,872 --> 01:01:00,352
♪ Teenage suicide
♪ She blew it

838
01:01:00,432 --> 01:01:02,512
♪ Teenage suicide

839
01:01:02,592 --> 01:01:03,871
♪ Don't do it... ♪

840
01:01:06,433 --> 01:01:08,474
That's it. We're breaking up.

841
01:01:08,554 --> 01:01:11,874
What? You can't bring them back,
you must know that.

842
01:01:11,955 --> 01:01:15,996
I'm not trying to bring anybody back
except maybe myself.

843
01:01:26,638 --> 01:01:28,477
No!

844
01:01:29,959 --> 01:01:32,759
To think once
I actually thought you were cool.

845
01:01:32,839 --> 01:01:37,279
If you can't deal with me now
then just stay home and shoot your TV,

846
01:01:37,361 --> 01:01:39,961
blow up a couple toasters or something.

847
01:01:40,042 --> 01:01:44,122
Just don't come to school
and don't mess with me.

848
01:01:46,723 --> 01:01:48,722
You'll be back.

849
01:02:00,286 --> 01:02:02,606
Me and Martha Dumptruck?

850
01:02:02,687 --> 01:02:04,486
Where did you get this?

851
01:02:05,648 --> 01:02:10,008
Oh, I just had the nicest little chat
with Ms Dumptruck.

852
01:02:10,088 --> 01:02:12,129
Got along famously.

853
01:02:12,209 --> 01:02:15,569
It's scary how everybody's got
a little story to tell.

854
01:02:15,649 --> 01:02:18,089
Want to see the canoeing shots?

855
01:02:18,171 --> 01:02:20,009
What is this? Blackmail?

856
01:02:24,091 --> 01:02:26,252
I'll give you a week's lunch money.

857
01:02:28,412 --> 01:02:32,131
I don't want your money.
I want your strength.

858
01:02:32,213 --> 01:02:35,253
Westerburg does not need
mushy togetherness,

859
01:02:35,334 --> 01:02:37,534
it needs a strong leader.

860
01:02:37,615 --> 01:02:40,655
Heather Chandler was that leader but...

861
01:02:40,735 --> 01:02:43,135
But she couldn't handle it.

862
01:02:43,216 --> 01:02:45,215
I think you can.

863
01:02:46,297 --> 01:02:48,256
Moby Dick is dunked.

864
01:02:48,338 --> 01:02:53,018
The white whale drank some bad plankton
and splashed through a coffee table

865
01:02:53,099 --> 01:02:55,739
and now it's your turn to take the helm.

866
01:02:55,819 --> 01:02:57,939
What about the photographs?

867
01:02:58,019 --> 01:03:01,459
Oh, don't worry.
I'll ask you to do me a favor

868
01:03:01,540 --> 01:03:03,620
and it'll be one you'll enjoy.

869
01:03:03,701 --> 01:03:06,301
You'll get the negatives back then.

870
01:03:08,662 --> 01:03:12,141
But in the meantime, strength.

871
01:03:13,903 --> 01:03:15,983
Here's a little gift...

872
01:03:17,063 --> 01:03:19,224
from Heather to Heather.

873
01:03:58,994 --> 01:04:00,593
- Guess who.
- Heather?

874
01:04:18,718 --> 01:04:20,037
'Hello? '

875
01:04:20,118 --> 01:04:21,757
Hello, Betty? This is Veronica.

876
01:04:25,439 --> 01:04:27,998
I don't believe it, I'm winning!

877
01:04:29,320 --> 01:04:32,080
Don't you start getting cocky on me, girl.

878
01:04:33,842 --> 01:04:36,081
I really missed you.

879
01:04:36,162 --> 01:04:39,202
I know I'm not as exciting as
your other friends.

880
01:04:39,283 --> 01:04:41,243
That is bullshit.

881
01:04:41,323 --> 01:04:43,283
Shoot.

882
01:04:43,364 --> 01:04:45,644
Do you know I'm still a virgin?

883
01:04:45,724 --> 01:04:48,804
OK, I French-kissed Al Springer once.

884
01:04:48,885 --> 01:04:50,845
It was a total disaster.

885
01:04:50,925 --> 01:04:53,845
Shoot the ball.

886
01:04:56,367 --> 01:05:01,247
Betty, your daydreams are a lot better than
my realities, believe me.

887
01:05:03,808 --> 01:05:06,888
But now, prepare to die.

888
01:05:06,968 --> 01:05:08,727
Ronnie.

889
01:05:23,853 --> 01:05:26,613
You're not just going for those two shots.

890
01:05:26,693 --> 01:05:30,333
I mean, go ahead, knock me out.
It's the only way to win.

891
01:05:32,015 --> 01:05:34,294
It's not my style.

892
01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:38,136
Nice guys finish last, I should know.

893
01:05:46,778 --> 01:05:48,137
Bravo.

894
01:05:49,218 --> 01:05:50,937
Bravo.

895
01:05:52,020 --> 01:05:54,579
Listen, I got to get home, OK?

896
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:56,779
OK.

897
01:05:56,861 --> 01:05:58,659
Thanks.

898
01:05:58,741 --> 01:06:00,621
Bye, Betty.

899
01:06:00,701 --> 01:06:02,140
Bye.

900
01:06:02,221 --> 01:06:05,141
Betty, leaving so soon?

901
01:06:05,223 --> 01:06:06,781
I'm red.

902
01:06:34,109 --> 01:06:38,189
'The Westerburg suicides
were tough on all of us,

903
01:06:38,270 --> 01:06:42,989
'but we shared the pain of losing
three very popular students.

904
01:06:43,071 --> 01:06:46,710
'I came into the cafeteria,
asked them to hold hands... '

905
01:06:46,792 --> 01:06:49,631
Isn't that that flake
we met at the open house?

906
01:06:49,713 --> 01:06:52,033
' Burst of cleansing synchronicity,

907
01:06:52,113 --> 01:06:55,512
'TV cameras happened
onto our path and captured... '

908
01:06:55,594 --> 01:06:58,154
Cleansing synchronicity?

909
01:06:58,234 --> 01:07:02,035
Outpouring of emotion?

910
01:07:02,115 --> 01:07:04,435
Ha! Look! There's Heather.

911
01:07:05,676 --> 01:07:08,355
There's Heather. Where are you, Veronica?

912
01:07:08,437 --> 01:07:14,157
'Before a teenager decides to kill himself,
there are certain facts that he should know.

913
01:07:14,239 --> 01:07:20,039
'After all, this decision affects all of us
and there's only one chance to get it right.'

914
01:07:32,883 --> 01:07:34,842
'Getting some supervi... '

915
01:07:34,923 --> 01:07:36,761
Turn that back on.

916
01:07:36,844 --> 01:07:39,164
These programs are eating suicide up.

917
01:07:39,243 --> 01:07:42,083
They're making it sound like
a cool thing to do.

918
01:07:42,165 --> 01:07:47,125
Are you trying to tell me it's not a time
for troubled youth? Stand up straight.

919
01:07:47,205 --> 01:07:50,405
All we want is to be
treated like human beings,

920
01:07:50,486 --> 01:07:53,006
not patronized like bunny rabbits.

921
01:07:53,087 --> 01:07:55,248
I don't patronize bunny rabbits.

922
01:07:55,328 --> 01:07:57,327
Treated like human beings?

923
01:07:57,408 --> 01:08:01,168
Is that what you said,
little Miss Voice-of-a-generation?

924
01:08:01,249 --> 01:08:04,488
How do you think adults
act with other adults?

925
01:08:04,570 --> 01:08:07,249
You think it's all just
a game of doubles tennis?

926
01:08:07,330 --> 01:08:10,770
When teenagers complain
they want to be treated like human beings,

927
01:08:10,851 --> 01:08:13,651
it's because they are
being treated like human beings.

928
01:08:13,732 --> 01:08:18,212
Well, I guess I picked the wrong time
to be a human being.

929
01:08:18,293 --> 01:08:20,292
Well, you'll live.

930
01:08:26,415 --> 01:08:28,375
Want some pâté?

931
01:08:30,456 --> 01:08:32,896
Hi, everybody. Door was open.

932
01:08:32,976 --> 01:08:35,335
Veronica, have you heard?

933
01:08:35,416 --> 01:08:37,776
We were doing Chinese at the food fair

934
01:08:37,858 --> 01:08:41,178
when we heard Martha Dumptruck
tried to buy the farm.

935
01:08:41,257 --> 01:08:45,097
She belly-flopped in front of a car
wearing a suicide note.

936
01:08:46,099 --> 01:08:47,858
Is she dead?

937
01:08:47,940 --> 01:08:51,619
No. That's the punch line.
She's in stable condition.

938
01:08:51,700 --> 01:08:56,740
Just another case of a geek trying to imitate
the popular people and failing miserably.

939
01:08:56,822 --> 01:08:58,782
Is that pâté?

940
01:09:02,823 --> 01:09:06,303
- I said I was sorry.
- You were out of control.

941
01:09:06,384 --> 01:09:09,464
Heather and Kurt were a shock
but Martha Dumptruck?

942
01:09:09,545 --> 01:09:12,664
Get crucial. She dialed
suicide hotlines in her diapers.

943
01:09:12,745 --> 01:09:14,864
You're not funny.

944
01:09:15,906 --> 01:09:20,106
Look, Martha couldn't take the heat
so she got out of the kitchen.

945
01:09:20,187 --> 01:09:24,906
Just think what a better place this world
would be if every nimrod followed her cue.

946
01:09:24,989 --> 01:09:27,869
Just shut up. Hot Probs is on.

947
01:09:27,949 --> 01:09:29,428
Oh, shit. Yeah.

948
01:09:29,509 --> 01:09:34,029
'Skipper's OK but sometimes
I feel like I'm on that island

949
01:09:34,110 --> 01:09:37,270
'and Gilligan can be so
stupid sometimes... '

950
01:09:37,351 --> 01:09:41,031
If it wasn't for the courage
of the fearless crew,

951
01:09:41,112 --> 01:09:44,272
the Minnow would be lost,
and you are too.

952
01:09:44,352 --> 01:09:45,952
Next call.

953
01:09:46,032 --> 01:09:49,953
'Hey, you've got the dog-catcher.'

954
01:09:50,033 --> 01:09:54,393
'My name is Heather.
No... it's not Heather.'

955
01:09:55,675 --> 01:09:57,715
No, it...

956
01:09:59,236 --> 01:10:02,836
It's Madonna. Jeez. No, not that.

957
01:10:02,916 --> 01:10:06,315
Hey, babe, I need a name.

958
01:10:12,039 --> 01:10:13,959
My name is Tweety.

959
01:10:14,039 --> 01:10:15,999
'Tweety?

960
01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:18,959
'Ooh, tweet! '

961
01:10:19,041 --> 01:10:20,800
God has cursed me, I think.

962
01:10:22,561 --> 01:10:26,401
The last guy I had sex with
killed himself the next day.

963
01:10:29,242 --> 01:10:31,202
I'm failing math.

964
01:10:31,283 --> 01:10:33,002
My whole life is a mess.

965
01:10:33,083 --> 01:10:35,963
I'm supposed to be captain of
the cheerleading...

966
01:10:36,045 --> 01:10:39,284
She knows we listen to this show.

967
01:10:39,365 --> 01:10:42,685
Holy shit! We'll crucify her.

968
01:10:42,767 --> 01:10:46,166
' My parents are divorced and stuff... '

969
01:10:48,368 --> 01:10:51,688
'Heather told everyone about Heather.

970
01:10:53,048 --> 01:10:56,687
'Yes, dear diary,
I've cut off Heather Chandler's head

971
01:10:56,769 --> 01:11:00,128
'and Heather Duke's head
has sprouted in its place

972
01:11:00,209 --> 01:11:02,209
'like some mythological thing

973
01:11:02,290 --> 01:11:05,690
'my eighth-grade boyfriend
would have known about.

974
01:11:06,852 --> 01:11:09,652
'Heather's even doing the old note trick.

975
01:11:11,772 --> 01:11:14,491
'I've seen JD's way.

976
01:11:14,574 --> 01:11:18,253
'I've seen Miss Pauline Fleming's way

977
01:11:18,334 --> 01:11:20,294
'and nothing has changed.

978
01:11:20,374 --> 01:11:22,614
'I guess that's Heather's way.

979
01:11:22,695 --> 01:11:25,414
'And, Jesus, what about JD?

980
01:11:25,496 --> 01:11:27,896
'I can't get him out of my head.

981
01:11:27,976 --> 01:11:30,416
'Wait. Where's Heather going? '

982
01:11:30,497 --> 01:11:32,657
Where's Heather going?

983
01:11:32,737 --> 01:11:34,898
She's going to cry.

984
01:11:39,059 --> 01:11:41,659
Fucking child protector caps.

985
01:11:44,940 --> 01:11:46,940
Now where is she going?

986
01:11:51,742 --> 01:11:53,300
Heather.

987
01:11:54,662 --> 01:11:58,702
- What are you trying to do? Kill me?
- What are you trying to do? Sleep?

988
01:12:00,623 --> 01:12:03,063
Suicide is a private thing.

989
01:12:03,145 --> 01:12:05,664
Heather, you're throwing your life away

990
01:12:05,745 --> 01:12:08,665
to become a statistic
in the US fucking A Today.

991
01:12:08,746 --> 01:12:11,666
That's the least private
thing I can think of.

992
01:12:11,746 --> 01:12:14,705
What about Heather and Kurt and Ram?

993
01:12:18,268 --> 01:12:21,107
If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?

994
01:12:24,349 --> 01:12:26,148
Probably.

995
01:12:27,630 --> 01:12:30,990
Hey now, if you were happy
every day of your life,

996
01:12:31,071 --> 01:12:34,671
you wouldn't be a human being,
you'd be a game show host.

997
01:12:34,751 --> 01:12:39,632
What do you say we knock off early,
buy some shoes, something lame like that?

998
01:12:40,593 --> 01:12:42,312
OK.

999
01:12:48,315 --> 01:12:50,074
So it's come to this.

1000
01:12:50,155 --> 01:12:51,954
Heather Chandler did polls,

1001
01:12:52,035 --> 01:12:56,555
I want you to do a petition,
as a favor, as the favor.

1002
01:12:56,637 --> 01:12:59,596
You've heard of the group Big Fun, right?

1003
01:12:59,677 --> 01:13:02,876
That's right. Teenage Suicide Don't Do It.

1004
01:13:02,958 --> 01:13:07,878
Right. Some teenybopper rag
says that they want to play a prom.

1005
01:13:07,959 --> 01:13:11,880
It could be Westerburg's
if we get everybody's John Hancock.

1006
01:13:11,960 --> 01:13:13,719
I'll get right on it, coach.

1007
01:13:13,801 --> 01:13:17,040
Little gift for you. I won't be needing it.

1008
01:13:50,368 --> 01:13:51,968
Heather?

1009
01:13:52,049 --> 01:13:53,248
Veronica.

1010
01:13:53,330 --> 01:13:55,930
Color me stoked, girl.

1011
01:13:56,010 --> 01:13:58,050
Everyone's signed this petition,

1012
01:13:58,131 --> 01:14:01,450
even the ones who think
Big Fun are tuneless Eurofags.

1013
01:14:01,531 --> 01:14:03,250
People love me.

1014
01:14:03,332 --> 01:14:05,252
You haven't signed yet.

1015
01:14:05,332 --> 01:14:08,372
People love you but I know you.

1016
01:14:08,452 --> 01:14:11,292
Jennifer Forbes told me
the petition she signed

1017
01:14:11,374 --> 01:14:14,933
was to put a hot tub in the cafeteria
and Doug Hilton said...

1018
01:14:15,015 --> 01:14:18,014
Some people need
different kinds of convincing.

1019
01:14:18,095 --> 01:14:20,374
Just sign the petition, OK?

1020
01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:22,376
Don't talk to me like that, OK?

1021
01:14:22,456 --> 01:14:24,776
Look, it was JD's idea.

1022
01:14:24,857 --> 01:14:29,537
He made out the signature sheet
and everything so why not just sign it?

1023
01:14:29,617 --> 01:14:30,896
No.

1024
01:14:33,138 --> 01:14:34,697
Jealous much?

1025
01:14:38,499 --> 01:14:42,980
Heather, why can't you just be a friend?
Why are you such a megabitch?

1026
01:14:44,181 --> 01:14:46,101
Because I can be.

1027
01:14:47,462 --> 01:14:49,741
Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?

1028
01:14:49,822 --> 01:14:53,782
Do you think if Betty Finn's
fairy godmother made her cool,

1029
01:14:53,862 --> 01:14:57,102
she'd still hang out
with her dweebette friends?

1030
01:14:57,184 --> 01:14:59,424
No way, Veronica.

1031
01:15:11,347 --> 01:15:13,667
Want to go out tonight?

1032
01:15:13,747 --> 01:15:16,627
Catch a movie, some miniature golf?

1033
01:15:16,709 --> 01:15:21,829
I was thinking more along the lines
of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open,

1034
01:15:21,910 --> 01:15:24,070
making it look like a suicide.

1035
01:15:24,151 --> 01:15:26,870
Now you're talking. I could be up for that.

1036
01:15:26,950 --> 01:15:30,430
I've already started
underlining meaningful passages

1037
01:15:30,511 --> 01:15:33,711
in her copy of Moby Dick,
if you know what I mean.

1038
01:15:35,233 --> 01:15:37,273
I knew you'd be back, Veronica.

1039
01:15:38,434 --> 01:15:41,393
I knew it. I was positive sure.

1040
01:15:45,835 --> 01:15:47,794
It's over, JD, over.

1041
01:15:47,875 --> 01:15:49,433
Grow up!

1042
01:15:49,516 --> 01:15:51,354
You don't get it.

1043
01:15:51,436 --> 01:15:53,516
You were wrong. I was right.

1044
01:15:56,037 --> 01:15:58,077
Strength, damn it!

1045
01:15:59,359 --> 01:16:01,319
Come on, come back!

1046
01:16:10,402 --> 01:16:12,240
Yes?

1047
01:16:12,322 --> 01:16:16,762
Your friend Jason Dean stopped by.
He seemed very concerned about you.

1048
01:16:16,843 --> 01:16:20,442
He said he thought
you might try to kill yourself.

1049
01:16:20,523 --> 01:16:22,482
You have been depressed lately.

1050
01:16:22,564 --> 01:16:24,524
Oh, he left this for you.

1051
01:16:31,646 --> 01:16:33,605
Oh, my God.

1052
01:16:34,607 --> 01:16:38,607
He said that we should
keep you away from sharp objects,

1053
01:16:38,687 --> 01:16:41,847
closed garage doors,
chemical substances.

1054
01:16:41,928 --> 01:16:44,808
- Prescription drugs.
- Prescription drugs.

1055
01:17:23,058 --> 01:17:27,698
"To neither love
nor reverence wilt thou be kind,"

1056
01:17:27,779 --> 01:17:32,219
"and even for hate thou canst but kill,"

1057
01:17:32,300 --> 01:17:34,460
"and all are killed."

1058
01:17:36,501 --> 01:17:37,980
I like it.

1059
01:17:38,062 --> 01:17:40,461
It's got that what-a-cruel-world

1060
01:17:40,541 --> 01:17:44,981
so let's-toss-ourselves-in-the-abyss
type of ambiance?

1061
01:17:46,783 --> 01:17:49,782
Come on. It's Heather's copy of Moby Dick.

1062
01:17:52,063 --> 01:17:55,023
Why don't you give it a try?
Underline something.

1063
01:17:57,025 --> 01:17:59,625
Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho!

1064
01:17:59,706 --> 01:18:03,587
You think you're a rebel?
Do you actually think you're a rebel?

1065
01:18:03,666 --> 01:18:06,586
You're not a rebel.
You're fucking psychotic.

1066
01:18:08,308 --> 01:18:10,828
You say "tom-ay-to", I say "tom-ah-to".

1067
01:18:10,908 --> 01:18:12,828
Hold it.

1068
01:18:12,909 --> 01:18:16,148
Eskimo. Look at that.

1069
01:18:17,230 --> 01:18:19,830
That's one word. I love it!

1070
01:18:19,911 --> 01:18:24,310
I usually go for the whole sentence myself
but this is perfecto.

1071
01:18:24,391 --> 01:18:28,070
Eskimo, you know, it's so mysterious.

1072
01:18:29,272 --> 01:18:32,792
Eskimo.

1073
01:18:37,434 --> 01:18:39,393
Come on.

1074
01:18:41,075 --> 01:18:43,275
JD, you are not listening to me.

1075
01:18:44,316 --> 01:18:46,796
Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag!

1076
01:18:48,596 --> 01:18:50,876
Th-th-that knife is filthy.

1077
01:18:50,958 --> 01:18:54,478
Do you think I'm going to
take out her tonsils with it?

1078
01:18:54,559 --> 01:18:57,879
Excuse me, I think I know Heather
a little better than you do.

1079
01:18:57,959 --> 01:19:02,160
If she was going to slit her wrists,
the knife would be spotless.

1080
01:19:02,960 --> 01:19:06,199
How's this? Can you see your fucking
reflection in the thing?

1081
01:19:09,002 --> 01:19:12,201
Tomorrow someone else
will move into her place.

1082
01:19:13,643 --> 01:19:15,402
That person could be me.

1083
01:19:20,084 --> 01:19:23,564
Ha! There's only one of us
knows Heather's handwriting.

1084
01:19:23,645 --> 01:19:27,125
If you think I'll write another
suicide note, you're wrong.

1085
01:19:27,206 --> 01:19:29,846
You don't get it! Society nods its head

1086
01:19:29,927 --> 01:19:34,447
at any horror the American teenager
can think to bring upon itself.

1087
01:19:34,528 --> 01:19:38,968
Nobody's going to care about
exact handwriting. Help me. Quick.

1088
01:19:48,811 --> 01:19:51,050
Life sucks.

1089
01:19:54,172 --> 01:19:56,132
It's perfecto.

1090
01:19:57,252 --> 01:20:00,931
Jesus, I've got
a meaningfully marked-up Moby Dick.

1091
01:20:01,014 --> 01:20:03,373
What else does a suicide need?

1092
01:20:03,455 --> 01:20:05,415
Now, if you'll excuse me.

1093
01:20:10,656 --> 01:20:12,415
No!

1094
01:20:18,578 --> 01:20:20,537
Open the door!

1095
01:20:28,220 --> 01:20:30,180
Eskimo.

1096
01:20:34,461 --> 01:20:39,061
Heather Duke underlined a lot of things
in this copy of Moby Dick

1097
01:20:39,143 --> 01:20:43,023
but I believe the word Eskimo,

1098
01:20:43,103 --> 01:20:45,463
underlined all by itself,

1099
01:20:45,544 --> 01:20:49,344
is the key to understanding Heather's pain.

1100
01:20:49,425 --> 01:20:53,425
On the surface, Heather Duke
was the vivacious young lady

1101
01:20:53,506 --> 01:20:55,785
we all knew her to be...

1102
01:20:55,867 --> 01:20:59,506
but her soul was in Antarctica,

1103
01:20:59,588 --> 01:21:05,629
freezing with the knowledge
of the way fellow teenagers can be cruel...

1104
01:21:06,629 --> 01:21:11,469
the way that parents can be unresponsive...

1105
01:21:11,549 --> 01:21:15,829
and as she writes so eloquently
in her suicide note,

1106
01:21:15,911 --> 01:21:18,870
the way that life can suck.

1107
01:21:20,832 --> 01:21:24,071
We'll all miss Sherwood's little Eskimo.

1108
01:21:26,313 --> 01:21:30,793
Let's just hope
she's rubbing noses with Jesus.

1109
01:21:30,875 --> 01:21:33,035
Is this turnout weak or what?

1110
01:21:34,395 --> 01:21:37,435
I had at least 70 more
people at my funeral.

1111
01:21:39,036 --> 01:21:40,275
Heather?

1112
01:21:44,318 --> 01:21:46,277
Oh, God, Veronica,

1113
01:21:46,358 --> 01:21:49,678
my afterlife is so boring.

1114
01:21:49,759 --> 01:21:52,559
If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time...

1115
01:21:52,639 --> 01:21:54,278
What are you doing here?

1116
01:21:54,359 --> 01:21:56,959
I made your favorite...

1117
01:21:57,041 --> 01:21:59,201
spaghetti.

1118
01:21:59,281 --> 01:22:01,240
Lots of oregano.

1119
01:22:03,721 --> 01:22:05,560
Dinner!

1120
01:22:07,483 --> 01:22:09,442
Veronica! Dinner!

1121
01:22:33,648 --> 01:22:36,688
'Dear diary, last entry.

1122
01:22:36,769 --> 01:22:38,528
'No one can stop JD...

1123
01:22:38,610 --> 01:22:42,491
'not the FBI, the CIA or the PTA.

1124
01:22:42,570 --> 01:22:46,970
'He once told me that
the extreme always makes an impression.

1125
01:22:47,051 --> 01:22:48,811
'Well, now it's my turn.

1126
01:22:48,892 --> 01:22:53,692
'Let's see how the son of a bitch reacts
to a suicide he didn't perform himself.'

1127
01:23:30,182 --> 01:23:31,981
I can't believe you did it.

1128
01:23:32,062 --> 01:23:34,022
I was teasing.

1129
01:23:35,422 --> 01:23:36,861
I loved you.

1130
01:23:38,103 --> 01:23:40,903
Sure, I was coming up here to kill you.

1131
01:23:43,385 --> 01:23:47,785
First I was going to try and get you back
with my amazing petition.

1132
01:23:51,546 --> 01:23:55,986
It's a shame you can't see what
our fellow students really signed.

1133
01:23:59,748 --> 01:24:01,708
All right, listen.

1134
01:24:04,950 --> 01:24:10,551
"We students of
Westerburg High will die. Today."

1135
01:24:10,630 --> 01:24:14,189
"Our burning bodies
will be the ultimate protest"

1136
01:24:14,272 --> 01:24:17,191
"to a society that degrades us."

1137
01:24:18,272 --> 01:24:20,232
"Fuck you all."

1138
01:24:21,753 --> 01:24:27,313
It's not very subtle, but neither's
blowing up a whole school, now, is it?

1139
01:24:29,035 --> 01:24:31,475
Talk about your suicide pacts?

1140
01:24:33,916 --> 01:24:36,796
When our school blows up tomorrow,

1141
01:24:36,876 --> 01:24:40,956
it's going to be the kind of thing
to infect a generation!

1142
01:24:41,038 --> 01:24:44,597
I mean, it's going to be
a Woodstock for the '80s.

1143
01:24:52,961 --> 01:24:54,920
Damn it, Veronica.

1144
01:24:56,561 --> 01:24:59,481
We could have
toasted some marshmallows together.

1145
01:25:03,124 --> 01:25:05,963
What does she want? A written invitation?

1146
01:25:06,043 --> 01:25:08,043
Veronica! Dinner!

1147
01:25:08,124 --> 01:25:09,883
Sheesh.

1148
01:25:14,766 --> 01:25:16,725
Veronica, I...

1149
01:25:19,566 --> 01:25:24,486
Oh, I... I... I should have let you
take that job at the mall.

1150
01:25:24,567 --> 01:25:29,247
It was just that I was afraid of you
coming home late at night and I...

1151
01:25:37,811 --> 01:25:40,691
Hey, Mom, why so tense?

1152
01:25:46,373 --> 01:25:49,573
Hey, Prob, I need some help
with my homework.

1153
01:25:49,654 --> 01:25:52,694
Not right now, tiger. I'm a little busy.

1154
01:26:20,540 --> 01:26:24,701
Veronica, JD told me
you committed suicide last night.

1155
01:26:24,781 --> 01:26:28,460
- Where is he? Where's JD?
- We have to talk.

1156
01:26:28,542 --> 01:26:33,462
Whether to kill yourself or not is the most
important decision a teenager can make.

1157
01:26:33,543 --> 01:26:34,942
Get a job.

1158
01:29:07,859 --> 01:29:10,179
Rodney, where's everybody going?

1159
01:29:11,380 --> 01:29:15,180
- It's Friday.
- Shit, another damn pep assembly.

1160
01:29:15,261 --> 01:29:19,581
Yeah. You know, these things,
they get pretty artificial

1161
01:29:19,662 --> 01:29:22,461
but you know, at least
you get out of class.

1162
01:29:23,542 --> 01:29:26,302
Rodney, what's underneath the gym?

1163
01:29:30,024 --> 01:29:31,984
The boiler room.

1164
01:29:38,146 --> 01:29:40,666
May I see your hall pass?

1165
01:29:44,868 --> 01:29:47,827
I knew that loose was too noose.

1166
01:29:49,068 --> 01:29:51,948
I mean noose too loose.

1167
01:29:53,269 --> 01:29:55,228
Goddamn you, woman.

1168
01:29:56,190 --> 01:29:58,150
Like father, like son.

1169
01:29:58,231 --> 01:30:02,671
A serious-as-fuck bomb in the boiler room
to set off a pack of thermals upstairs.

1170
01:30:05,073 --> 01:30:10,032
Ok, let's start by putting the bomb down
on the ground.

1171
01:30:13,954 --> 01:30:15,633
I knew that.

1172
01:30:16,074 --> 01:30:17,873
I knew that.

1173
01:30:17,955 --> 01:30:21,074
OK, put your hands on your head.

1174
01:30:22,196 --> 01:30:24,315
You didn't say "Simon says".

1175
01:30:47,161 --> 01:30:48,920
Let's go!

1176
01:30:49,001 --> 01:30:51,322
Let's go, Rottweilers, let's go!

1177
01:30:51,843 --> 01:30:55,082
Let's go, Rottweilers, let's go!

1178
01:31:18,808 --> 01:31:20,087
W- E-S!

1179
01:31:20,169 --> 01:31:22,409
- T-E-R!
- T-E-R!

1180
01:31:22,489 --> 01:31:25,049
- B-U-R!
- B-U-R!

1181
01:31:25,130 --> 01:31:26,649
- G!
- G!

1182
01:31:26,730 --> 01:31:29,130
- What does it spell?
- Westerburg!

1183
01:31:29,211 --> 01:31:32,171
- Again!
- Westerburg!

1184
01:31:32,251 --> 01:31:34,251
Westerburg!

1185
01:32:05,579 --> 01:32:07,939
Lean to the left, lean to the right!

1186
01:32:08,020 --> 01:32:11,340
Stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!

1187
01:32:23,423 --> 01:32:24,902
Stop!

1188
01:32:51,750 --> 01:32:54,269
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1189
01:33:25,918 --> 01:33:29,637
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

1190
01:33:35,039 --> 01:33:37,999
You think because
you started this you can end it?

1191
01:33:38,081 --> 01:33:41,080
I'll kill, I'll fucking
kill you, I swear to God.

1192
01:33:44,442 --> 01:33:47,202
How do I turn off the bomb, asshole?

1193
01:33:47,283 --> 01:33:49,163
Fuck you!

1194
01:33:57,726 --> 01:33:59,646
Shit!

1195
01:34:00,886 --> 01:34:03,605
It's all over, JD. Help me stop it.

1196
01:34:13,649 --> 01:34:16,328
You want to clean the
slate as much as I do.

1197
01:34:17,289 --> 01:34:21,569
All right, so maybe I am
killing everyone in the school...

1198
01:34:21,650 --> 01:34:23,610
because nobody loves me.

1199
01:34:24,891 --> 01:34:28,891
Let's face it, all right?
The only place different social types

1200
01:34:28,972 --> 01:34:32,251
can genuinely get along
with each other is in heaven.

1201
01:34:36,934 --> 01:34:39,454
Which button do I press to turn it off?

1202
01:34:39,535 --> 01:34:41,975
Try the red one, all right?

1203
01:34:43,815 --> 01:34:47,696
People are going to look at
the ashes of Westerburg and say,

1204
01:34:47,776 --> 01:34:50,696
"Now, there is a school
that self-destructed,"

1205
01:34:50,777 --> 01:34:55,497
"not because society didn't care
but because the school was society!"

1206
01:34:57,580 --> 01:34:59,339
It's pretty deep?

1207
01:34:59,419 --> 01:35:01,419
Which red button?

1208
01:35:03,940 --> 01:35:06,860
Press the middle one to turn it off...

1209
01:35:06,941 --> 01:35:08,901
if that's what you really want.

1210
01:35:08,981 --> 01:35:11,501
You know what I want, babe?

1211
01:35:12,663 --> 01:35:13,902
What?

1212
01:35:22,904 --> 01:35:25,424
Cool guys like you out of my life.

1213
01:36:13,356 --> 01:36:15,316
Color me impressed.

1214
01:36:18,197 --> 01:36:22,797
You... you really fucked me up
pretty bad, Veronica.

1215
01:36:27,120 --> 01:36:29,080
You...

1216
01:36:30,640 --> 01:36:32,600
you got power.

1217
01:36:34,040 --> 01:36:36,000
Power I didn't think you had.

1218
01:36:40,842 --> 01:36:42,521
The slate is clean.

1219
01:37:06,008 --> 01:37:08,608
Pretend I did blow up the school...

1220
01:37:09,769 --> 01:37:11,729
all the schools.

1221
01:37:13,049 --> 01:37:15,089
Now that you're dead,

1222
01:37:15,170 --> 01:37:17,569
what are you going to do with your life?

1223
01:38:45,470 --> 01:38:48,310
Veronica... you look like hell.

1224
01:38:48,392 --> 01:38:50,752
Yeah? I just got back.

1225
01:38:52,593 --> 01:38:54,633
Veronica, what are you doing?

1226
01:38:54,713 --> 01:38:56,432
Heather, my love,

1227
01:38:56,514 --> 01:38:58,674
there's a new sheriff in town.

1228
01:39:03,836 --> 01:39:05,955
Hey, Martha!

1229
01:39:06,036 --> 01:39:09,475
My date for the prom
kind of flaked out on me.

1230
01:39:09,557 --> 01:39:12,236
If you aren't doing anything that night,

1231
01:39:12,317 --> 01:39:15,956
maybe we can rent some new releases,
pop some popcorn.

1232
01:39:18,239 --> 01:39:19,917
I'd like that.

1233
01:39:20,000 --> 01:39:22,760
Yeah. So would I.

1234
01:39:47,325 --> 01:39:53,005
♪ When I was just a little girl

1235
01:39:53,086 --> 01:39:59,326
♪ I asked my mother, what will I be?

1236
01:40:00,408 --> 01:40:03,088
♪ Will I be pretty?

1237
01:40:03,169 --> 01:40:06,129
♪ Will I be rich?

1238
01:40:06,209 --> 01:40:10,329
♪ Here's what she said to me

1239
01:40:10,410 --> 01:40:16,012
♪ Que será, será

1240
01:40:20,093 --> 01:40:26,134
♪ Whatever will be

1241
01:40:26,214 --> 01:40:28,454
♪ Will be

1242
01:40:29,255 --> 01:40:32,575
♪ Will be

1243
01:40:33,656 --> 01:40:40,297
♪ The future's not ours to see

1244
01:40:41,177 --> 01:40:45,817
♪ Well, well, well, well, ohh

1245
01:40:45,899 --> 01:40:51,859
♪ Que será, que será

1246
01:40:51,940 --> 01:40:54,179
♪ Que será

1247
01:40:57,022 --> 01:41:02,742
♪ When I grew up and fell in love

1248
01:41:02,822 --> 01:41:08,783
♪ I asked my lover, what will I be?

1249
01:41:10,185 --> 01:41:15,704
♪ Will I be rich day after day?

1250
01:41:15,786 --> 01:41:20,026
♪ Here's how my lover said

1251
01:41:20,106 --> 01:41:26,267
♪ Que será, será

1252
01:41:27,349 --> 01:41:29,949
♪ Yeah

1253
01:41:30,028 --> 01:41:35,989
♪ Whatever will be

1254
01:41:36,070 --> 01:41:37,909
♪ Will be

1255
01:41:38,790 --> 01:41:41,430
♪ Will be

1256
01:41:44,872 --> 01:41:49,312
♪ Que será, será

1257
01:41:53,194 --> 01:41:56,154
♪ Whatever will be
♪ Whatever

1258
01:41:56,234 --> 01:41:58,314
♪ Will be

1259
01:41:59,316 --> 01:42:01,356
♪ Will be

1260
01:42:02,197 --> 01:42:04,996
♪ Will be

1261
01:42:07,556 --> 01:42:10,636
♪ The future's not ours to see

1262
01:42:18,960 --> 01:42:23,281
♪ Que será
♪ Que será

1263
01:42:23,361 --> 01:42:25,000
♪ Will be

1264
01:42:25,082 --> 01:42:27,041
♪ Que será

1265
01:42:30,002 --> 01:42:32,242
♪ Y'all get down ♪