1 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:45,582 Daaaa... 2 00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,667 A one, two, three... 3 00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:52,213 Da, da, ba, da, da, ba, du-wa 4 00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:56,050 Oh, oh, oooh... 5 00:02:56,217 --> 00:03:00,722 If Santa passes by my stocking 6 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:04,350 I promise not to mind a lot 7 00:03:04,684 --> 00:03:09,147 The only thing I want for Christmas 8 00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:13,067 Is just to keep the things that I've got 9 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:17,947 Loving arms around me 10 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:22,118 A garden of forget-me-nots Forget-me-nots 11 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:29,125 The only thing I want for Christmas All I want for Christmas 12 00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:38,426 Is just to keep the things that I've... go-o-o-ot... 13 00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:45,475 Things that I've go-o-o-ot 14 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,234 Open your minds 15 00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,569 Do or die I've gotta learn that auction cry 16 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:59,530 Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer 17 00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:03,576 25 dollar bid and then a 30 dollar, 30 18 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:06,371 Will ya gimme 30, make it a 30 bid, a 30 dollar 19 00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:11,000 Will ya gimme 30, who will-a give me a 30 dollar bid? 20 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,127 Got a 30 dollar bid and then a 35 21 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:16,172 Will ya gimme 35, to make it 35, will ya 35? 22 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:19,717 Will ya gimme 5, 35 dollar bid 23 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:22,595 35 dollar bid and then a 40 dollar, 40 24 00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,640 40, will ya gimme 40, make a 40 bid, for 40 dollar 25 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:26,683 Will ya gimme 40? 26 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,643 Who will gimme a 40 dollar bid? 27 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,186 40, 40 dollar bid 28 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:32,188 Got a 40 dollar bid and then a 45 29 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:34,148 Will ya gimme 45 to make it 45? 30 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:38,319 Will ya gimme 5? Sold that hog for a 45 dollar bid 31 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,030 Now, from the boy who went to school 32 00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:42,865 There grew a man who played it cool 33 00:04:53,668 --> 00:04:56,087 You, er, you ever been on a motorbike? 34 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,423 Oh, er, nah. 35 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,384 Never been with a biker then? 36 00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,219 Me? A biker? No. 37 00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:06,764 Have you? 38 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,016 No, I haven't, no. 39 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:10,935 Not my cup of tea. 40 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,690 So, er... 41 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,110 does your mum set you up with lots of guys? 42 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,571 Er, no. Actually, you're the first. 43 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:22,864 Oh. 44 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,116 Lucky me. 45 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,916 I need a piss. 46 00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:35,543 Coming? 47 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,296 Joking. 48 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,801 Er, one more and then... 49 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:46,095 let's make a move. 50 00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:47,889 Great. 51 00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:53,353 Wey! 52 00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,021 -Oh, sorry. Sorry, lads. -Chop, chop. 53 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:22,799 Who's next? 54 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,175 Hi. 55 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,052 -Erm... -What crisps do you have? 56 00:06:29,180 --> 00:06:31,891 Ready salted. Salt and vinegar. Prawn cocktail. 57 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,684 We'll have one of each. 58 00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:35,103 That's ?4.80. 59 00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,627 -Ooh, yeah... -That's it, yeah. That's okay. 60 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,923 Nice, okay. One more? 61 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:47,675 Please. 62 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,180 Hello? 63 00:07:52,430 --> 00:07:53,431 Hiya. 64 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,570 How was it, Col? 65 00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,572 You had a nice time? 66 00:08:10,364 --> 00:08:11,949 Yeah. Yeah. 67 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:16,454 -Nice chap, isn't he? -Mm-hmm. 68 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,917 Alright. Night, darling. 69 00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,504 Stockings at eight, okay? 70 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:28,549 You won! 71 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,717 Amazing, Mum! 72 00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:33,804 Hark the herald angels sing... 73 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,600 I want some figgy pudding, I want some figgy pudding... 74 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,269 -You alright, Bax? -Baxy, are you okay sweetheart? 75 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,979 You alright there, love? Yeah? 76 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,981 -Look, are you having your dinner? -Here, give us your cracker. 77 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,900 Look, Nanny's done you a lovely dinner. 78 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:49,946 -That's it, open that cracker, aww... -Here Dad, do the cracker with her. 79 00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:51,322 -Come on. -Did you get some play dough? 80 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,406 You wanna do it, yeah? 81 00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,824 Oh, right. Here y'are... 82 00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:57,036 What's his name? 83 00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:58,829 Erm... 84 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,582 We didn't really, er... 85 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,960 -You don't know his name? -I...I didn't ask, Don. 86 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,962 -I can wait nearby, if you want? -No, it's fine. 87 00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,171 It's okay. 88 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:08,589 Take the dog. 89 00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:11,259 It's not clean. I...I don't wanna take the dog. 90 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,845 What normal person asks someone for a date on Christmas Day? 91 00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,515 -Well, maybe he's alone. -Yeah, maybe he's lonely. 92 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,184 Maybe I'll get my head bashed in or something. I don't know. 93 00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,186 Nonsense. Ignore your brother. 94 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:23,646 It's an adventure. 95 00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,648 Since when did Colin like adventures? 96 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:28,859 Well, I think a biker sounds exciting. 97 00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,737 You can borrow your dad's leather jacket. 98 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,709 Silent night 99 00:09:45,376 --> 00:09:48,337 Holy night 100 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,174 All is calm 101 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,803 All is bright 102 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:59,807 Round yon virgin 103 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:03,185 Mother and child 104 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:10,109 Holy infant so tender and mild 105 00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:13,988 Sleep in heavenly... 106 00:10:14,071 --> 00:10:17,199 Oh...peace 107 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:24,206 Sleep in heavenly peace 108 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,800 Beautiful. Beautiful. 109 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,107 Erm... 110 00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,008 Er... 111 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,313 Oh, bugger! 112 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:30,356 Leave it. 113 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,109 Er...just...leave it? 114 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:37,780 Ooh... 115 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,285 Mm. 116 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,332 What am I gonna do with you? 117 00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:57,591 Whatever you want... 118 00:11:58,342 --> 00:11:59,385 really. 119 00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:00,720 Hold up your hands. 120 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:03,889 Other way. 121 00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:04,849 Oh. 122 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,647 Oh! 123 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:12,857 I know this one, actually. 124 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,817 So, er...ready? 125 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:15,985 Ugh! 126 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,488 Oh, yeah. 127 00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:20,531 Urgh. 128 00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:25,411 Yeah. Wow, you're strong! 129 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,330 Uh... 130 00:12:30,624 --> 00:12:31,500 Do you give? 131 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,835 What...excuse...? 132 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,211 Do you give? 133 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,464 Ee...ee...argh, yes! 134 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,631 Yes! 135 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:38,966 Ugh! 136 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:29,809 Sorry. 137 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,521 -Urgh. -Down. 138 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:34,438 Erm... 139 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,482 Down? 140 00:13:36,690 --> 00:13:37,608 Lick. 141 00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,529 Erm...er... 142 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:43,989 Uh... 143 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,748 Like that? Erm, oh... 144 00:13:59,296 --> 00:14:00,130 Huh. 145 00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:03,843 Huh. 146 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,846 Hu, hu, hu, huh. Mm... 147 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:09,974 Mm...uh... 148 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,327 Alright. 149 00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:48,804 Ah. 150 00:14:49,513 --> 00:14:50,723 -Go... -Urgh. 151 00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:26,842 Alright. 152 00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,349 Yeah. 153 00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:36,310 Ray. 154 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:39,688 Colin. 155 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:45,611 Oh... 156 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,285 So, if you, erm, don't mind a little walk, 157 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,204 I saw a pub on my way here 158 00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,664 that's open till midnight. 159 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,166 I've gotta go. 160 00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:01,794 Hey, girl. 161 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,253 Oh...oh, oh... 162 00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,380 Yeah, of course. 163 00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:07,758 Of course you do. 164 00:16:08,175 --> 00:16:09,259 Erm... 165 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:15,641 I'm... 166 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:16,892 I'm... 167 00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,435 sorry I was a bit... 168 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,106 I was a bit hopeless earlier. 169 00:16:23,107 --> 00:16:24,608 I guess like most things in life, 170 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:26,694 it just takes a bit of practice. 171 00:16:27,903 --> 00:16:28,988 Yeah. 172 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:31,907 Maybe, erm... 173 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,704 I could practice with you? 174 00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:39,623 Erm... 175 00:16:41,667 --> 00:16:43,460 I'm not around much, so... 176 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,006 -Ah. -Yeah. 177 00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,134 Alright then, Colin. 178 00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:52,428 Merry Christmas. 179 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,892 Thank you! 180 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:18,662 Hello. 181 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:20,247 He lives! 182 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,707 Yeah, just about. 183 00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:25,419 I told you that cold air would turn your throat inside out. 184 00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,589 You have a nice time? 185 00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:30,382 Mm. 186 00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:32,843 Nice chap? 187 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:33,969 Mm. Yeah. 188 00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:35,679 Mm. Did you get yourself a boyfriend? 189 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:38,974 Oh, no. Don't think so, Mum. I...don't think he liked me that much. 190 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:40,100 Oh, of course he did. 191 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,231 Did you kiss? 192 00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,734 I don't think that is any of your business. So... 193 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,152 Well, fair enough. 194 00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,070 Mm. 195 00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:52,613 Right. 196 00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,615 One more chocolate? 197 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:55,991 Mm. 198 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:20,682 Wanker. 199 00:18:27,189 --> 00:18:28,857 Have you got plans tonight? 200 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,400 Nothing. 201 00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:33,362 Any news from that biker chap of yours? 202 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,447 He's not my biker, Mum. 203 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:39,660 Anything I can do to help? 204 00:18:52,339 --> 00:18:55,134 10...9...8... 205 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:58,220 7...6...5... 206 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:01,974 4...3...2...1... 207 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:04,685 Happy New Year! 208 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:33,422 No, no, no! 209 00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:35,632 I'm sorry, I'm just following orders, ma'am. 210 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:37,843 Excuse me? 211 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,095 Excuse me? 212 00:19:41,722 --> 00:19:42,931 Hold on. Don't, ju... 213 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,225 Do you sleep well at night? 214 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:48,645 -Sorry, do I...do I sleep well at night? -Yeah. 215 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,440 -I...I'm just following orders, ma'am. -Following orders? 216 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:53,609 -If you wanna appeal there's a... -Oh, I don't wanna appeal. 217 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,777 Come on, just take your fucking ticket off! 218 00:20:00,574 --> 00:20:01,700 Erm... 219 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,203 Hello? 220 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,331 Yeah, I'm at work. -Excuse me? 221 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,708 -Erm... -Excuse me, we're not done here. 222 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,752 Well, if I...if I leave early, yeah. If...if I leave now. 223 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,378 You're not going anywhere! 224 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,297 Alright, I'll text you the address. 225 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:16,548 Are you deaf?! 226 00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,759 Er, yeah. Erm, I shouldn't be long, so, erm... 227 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,677 Fuck you, you fucking prick! 228 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,763 -Lovely. -Go on, fuck off. 229 00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,765 Yeah, okay. Alright. See you in a bit. 230 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:30,270 Yeah. 231 00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:34,858 -Col... -Yeah? 232 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:36,276 What about these? 233 00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,278 Yeah, he doesn't need a present, Mum. 234 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,782 Soap. Some nice soap. 235 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:43,575 Gosh. 236 00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:45,994 -Pete... -Erm... 237 00:20:46,453 --> 00:20:48,997 Pete, have you taken that nice soap? 238 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,792 -What? -Have you taken the nice soap? 239 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,679 Gosh, you're tall. 240 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:05,430 Er, sorry, Peggy. 241 00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:06,974 Er, er, Peggy, Peter. 242 00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:09,101 Erm, nice to meet you. -Ray. 243 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:12,479 -How d'you do? -Erm, time for a quick drink? 244 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,564 Er, no thank you. Not when I'm riding. 245 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,191 No, of course not. Oh. What was I thinking? 246 00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:20,153 Er, good lad, yeah. Well, well, something soft? 247 00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:22,781 -We'd better get going. -Yeah. 248 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:26,159 You, er, you don't sound local, Ray. Where's home? 249 00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:28,203 Chislehurst. 250 00:21:28,245 --> 00:21:29,413 Chislehurst. 251 00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:30,872 Well, it's very nice. 252 00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:34,293 I've never thought of Colin as a Chislehurst sort of person. 253 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,295 Oh, he'll survive. 254 00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:40,632 Alright. Come on then, Colin. 255 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:41,883 Alright. Just... 256 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,093 Alright, yeah... 257 00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:46,763 Oh, er, Ray, Ray, sorry to fuss but er, 258 00:21:46,805 --> 00:21:48,348 you do have a spare helmet, yes? 259 00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:50,475 -Yes. -Only, he actually has to wear it. 260 00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:51,226 Dad... 261 00:21:51,268 --> 00:21:53,854 Because er, he...he...he's not getting on without one. 262 00:21:53,895 --> 00:21:55,772 He is not getting on without one. 263 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:56,857 Great. 264 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:00,527 Nice bike. 265 00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:01,611 Plain black. 266 00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,113 None of this neon crap 267 00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,073 like you see everywhere nowadays, don't you? 268 00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:06,950 Colin. 269 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,827 Yep, um... 270 00:22:09,286 --> 00:22:10,287 yeah. 271 00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:12,998 Are you sure you know what you're doing? 272 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,291 Yeah. Don't worry, Dad. 273 00:22:14,624 --> 00:22:16,710 I'm...I'm not worried. 274 00:22:17,085 --> 00:22:19,046 I rode a bike when I met Colin's mum. 275 00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:22,591 And then sold it when the twins come along. 276 00:22:22,966 --> 00:22:25,093 Bought a very expensive pram. 277 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:28,305 But I don't suppose you two need to worry about that. 278 00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:32,225 Not... 279 00:22:32,309 --> 00:22:33,727 I mean, not yet anyway. 280 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:36,646 Oh! 281 00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:44,654 Alright then, be good! Right? 282 00:22:44,696 --> 00:22:46,865 -Have fun! -Watch out for the ice! 283 00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:37,791 I think this jacket might be a bit crap. 284 00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:39,918 But er... 285 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,796 Hey...hey, girl. 286 00:23:43,296 --> 00:23:45,215 -Hey. -Oh, hello, Rosie. 287 00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:46,633 You remember me? 288 00:23:48,969 --> 00:23:50,137 Thank you. 289 00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:51,847 Shut the door. 290 00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:53,598 One second. 291 00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:12,159 It's a lovely flat. 292 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:49,946 Oh... 293 00:24:52,949 --> 00:24:54,451 I didn't think you'd have a piano. 294 00:24:54,743 --> 00:24:56,286 -No? -No. 295 00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:57,579 Don't seem like the sort. 296 00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,831 So, what "sort" do I seem like? 297 00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:04,711 Oh, well, no, no. I meant it as a compliment, you know. 298 00:25:04,753 --> 00:25:06,338 Why don't I show you where everything is, 299 00:25:06,379 --> 00:25:07,797 and then you can make dinner. 300 00:25:08,298 --> 00:25:09,132 Dinner? 301 00:25:10,759 --> 00:25:11,551 Dinner. 302 00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,473 I...erm... 303 00:25:16,598 --> 00:25:19,476 I should say that I'm a bit of a lousy cook. 304 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:21,853 But erm, you know, I can give it a go. 305 00:25:23,605 --> 00:25:25,357 Have you lived here long then, Ray? 306 00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:27,526 Pots and pans down there. 307 00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:31,404 And er, yeah... 308 00:25:33,156 --> 00:25:34,449 Something quick tonight. 309 00:25:35,408 --> 00:25:36,409 Pasta. 310 00:25:39,329 --> 00:25:40,622 Go easy on the cheese. 311 00:25:53,009 --> 00:25:53,885 Here we go. 312 00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:56,054 Are we eating here or...? 313 00:25:56,096 --> 00:25:57,055 Yeah, here's good. 314 00:25:59,266 --> 00:26:00,433 Right... 315 00:26:08,567 --> 00:26:09,859 Come... 316 00:26:11,903 --> 00:26:13,405 Down, down. 317 00:26:13,572 --> 00:26:14,406 It's not for you. 318 00:26:15,448 --> 00:26:16,449 Good girl. 319 00:26:47,147 --> 00:26:48,982 Right, come on. 320 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:53,570 Time for bed. 321 00:27:23,892 --> 00:27:24,934 You a snorer? 322 00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:27,270 Sorry? 323 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:29,898 Do you snore? 324 00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:33,151 Oh, no. No, no, not that I know of. 325 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:40,283 -How's your bladder? -My... 326 00:27:43,995 --> 00:27:45,246 my...my bladder? 327 00:27:46,247 --> 00:27:47,916 Are you gonna wake me up running to the bathroom 328 00:27:47,957 --> 00:27:49,250 in the middle of the night? 329 00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:52,462 Erm...oh, I see. No. No. 330 00:27:53,338 --> 00:27:54,339 I think my, erm... 331 00:27:54,964 --> 00:27:56,591 bladder's pretty good, actually. 332 00:27:57,509 --> 00:27:59,636 Well, if you're quiet, you can sleep on the rug. 333 00:27:59,969 --> 00:28:01,221 The rug? 334 00:28:01,221 --> 00:28:03,098 If not, you should go in the hallway. 335 00:30:17,315 --> 00:30:19,776 Sorry if this is not to your liking. 336 00:30:21,402 --> 00:30:22,612 I'm no barista. 337 00:30:33,957 --> 00:30:35,250 Do I pass then? 338 00:30:41,756 --> 00:30:44,259 What do I...get if I pass? 339 00:31:18,668 --> 00:31:19,586 Ugh... 340 00:31:23,381 --> 00:31:24,924 Yes, you can do it! 341 00:31:27,176 --> 00:31:28,511 -Do you give? -No! 342 00:31:28,595 --> 00:31:29,429 -Agh! -Give! 343 00:32:13,139 --> 00:32:15,475 -Give?! -I give! I give! 344 00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:17,894 -Come on! -I give! 345 00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:19,270 Uh... 346 00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:21,773 Don't move. 347 00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:35,912 On your front. 348 00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:14,385 Gah... 349 00:34:36,282 --> 00:34:38,618 Argh... 350 00:34:39,702 --> 00:34:40,995 Uh-uh... 351 00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:55,676 I'm sorry about that. 352 00:34:56,594 --> 00:34:58,638 I didn't think it was gonna hurt so much. 353 00:35:00,890 --> 00:35:01,891 Erm... 354 00:35:01,974 --> 00:35:03,476 shall I finish you off? 355 00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:06,187 Nah, I'm good. 356 00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:27,458 Oh... 357 00:35:28,876 --> 00:35:30,002 Thanks for having me. 358 00:35:32,088 --> 00:35:33,172 I had a lovely time. 359 00:35:37,176 --> 00:35:38,386 Here we are. 360 00:35:46,352 --> 00:35:47,979 Alright then, I'll be off. 361 00:35:50,815 --> 00:35:52,316 Don't come back before six. 362 00:35:54,652 --> 00:35:56,779 If you do, you'll have to wait outside. 363 00:35:57,864 --> 00:36:00,074 Erm...er... 364 00:36:01,284 --> 00:36:03,536 What, six today? 365 00:36:04,036 --> 00:36:06,622 Oh, sorry, are you busy tonight? 366 00:36:07,206 --> 00:36:09,208 Is there a booming market for Colin Smiths 367 00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:10,459 that I'm not aware of? 368 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:13,087 Well, no, but it's just... 369 00:36:13,671 --> 00:36:14,505 What? 370 00:36:15,214 --> 00:36:16,174 Yeah. Erm... 371 00:36:16,841 --> 00:36:17,967 see you at six. 372 00:36:19,635 --> 00:36:21,304 I need you to pick up some things. 373 00:36:22,597 --> 00:36:23,556 Here. 374 00:36:24,140 --> 00:36:25,391 I'll text you a shopping list. 375 00:36:25,766 --> 00:36:27,101 Yeah, okay. Yep. 376 00:36:29,103 --> 00:36:30,062 You can keep these. 377 00:36:30,354 --> 00:36:31,272 I don't eat chocolate. 378 00:36:31,314 --> 00:36:32,273 Well, no. 379 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:33,900 Of course you don't. I mean... 380 00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:35,693 And buy yourself a butt plug. 381 00:36:36,569 --> 00:36:37,570 You're too tight. 382 00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:39,363 Yeah! 383 00:36:39,780 --> 00:36:41,157 Yeah, yeah. Erm... 384 00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:44,243 Lovely, that sounds like a plan. 385 00:36:49,582 --> 00:36:50,833 Bye, then. 386 00:36:56,964 --> 00:36:57,965 Erm... 387 00:38:25,344 --> 00:38:26,887 -That's him? -Yeah. 388 00:38:27,972 --> 00:38:29,140 That's your boyfriend? 389 00:38:29,181 --> 00:38:30,975 Well, no, he's not my boyfriend. 390 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,728 We, er, we have an arrangement. 391 00:38:35,021 --> 00:38:36,647 How'd you get a man like that? 392 00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:42,445 Well, he says that I have an aptitude for devotion. 393 00:38:48,284 --> 00:38:49,618 See you tomorrow! 394 00:39:15,519 --> 00:39:16,604 Try these on. 395 00:39:19,065 --> 00:39:20,191 Try what on? 396 00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:38,709 Uh... 397 00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:39,835 Ray? 398 00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:59,271 It's, er... 399 00:40:00,648 --> 00:40:01,982 Ahh... 400 00:40:03,651 --> 00:40:04,985 Do you like it? 401 00:40:21,877 --> 00:40:24,004 Happy birthday to you 402 00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:27,716 Happy birthday to you 403 00:40:31,303 --> 00:40:36,100 Happy birthday, dear Colin 404 00:40:36,642 --> 00:40:40,563 Happy birthday to you 405 00:40:41,021 --> 00:40:42,273 Er, sorry. 406 00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:44,567 It's Ray. Hello? 407 00:40:46,235 --> 00:40:47,403 Yeah, sure. No problem. 408 00:40:50,781 --> 00:40:52,324 Er, yeah, sorry. One second. 409 00:40:58,539 --> 00:40:59,415 Ready. 410 00:41:02,168 --> 00:41:03,043 Yep. 411 00:41:07,506 --> 00:41:09,675 Alright, I'll see you in about an hour then. 412 00:41:14,263 --> 00:41:15,431 Sorry about that. 413 00:41:19,602 --> 00:41:20,728 Oh, yeah. 414 00:41:22,730 --> 00:41:23,772 -Yay. -Ay. 415 00:41:27,276 --> 00:41:28,652 Everything okay? 416 00:41:28,986 --> 00:41:29,778 Mm-hmm. 417 00:41:30,613 --> 00:41:31,655 So, erm... 418 00:41:32,156 --> 00:41:34,617 when are we gonna get to meet this Ray of yours, then? 419 00:41:34,783 --> 00:41:36,285 You have, haven't you? 420 00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:39,914 But for half a second in the dark three months ago. 421 00:41:41,248 --> 00:41:44,793 Your mum used to parade me around town like a prize cow. 422 00:41:44,919 --> 00:41:47,755 Mm. We're not that embarrassing, are we? 423 00:41:49,089 --> 00:41:50,424 -No, no, you're not. -Right. 424 00:41:50,466 --> 00:41:52,510 Well, let's get a date in the diary. 425 00:41:52,551 --> 00:41:54,553 Sooner rather than later. 426 00:41:57,765 --> 00:41:58,641 Oh... 427 00:41:59,266 --> 00:42:01,101 Having something nice for dinner? 428 00:42:01,185 --> 00:42:02,937 Yeah, potato dauphinoise. 429 00:42:02,978 --> 00:42:04,396 Ooh, fancy. 430 00:42:04,772 --> 00:42:06,190 Is Ray a good cook, then? 431 00:42:06,398 --> 00:42:08,692 Oh no, I'm cooking. Ray... Ray doesn't cook. 432 00:42:09,276 --> 00:42:10,653 Oh...oh... 433 00:42:10,736 --> 00:42:14,907 Right, so he's making you buy and cook your own birthday dinner? 434 00:42:14,949 --> 00:42:16,534 Yeah. I mean, I...I don't mind. 435 00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:19,245 -So, it's f... -Yeah, but it's your birthday, Colin. 436 00:42:19,745 --> 00:42:20,996 You should be spoilt rotten. 437 00:42:21,038 --> 00:42:24,291 If Ray can't cook, he could at least take you out somewhere nice. 438 00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:25,376 Some... 439 00:43:18,887 --> 00:43:20,222 Do you wanna say something? 440 00:43:23,142 --> 00:43:24,268 No. 441 00:43:26,812 --> 00:43:27,813 You sure? 442 00:43:28,772 --> 00:43:29,773 Yeah. 443 00:43:30,941 --> 00:43:31,984 Yeah. 444 00:43:37,323 --> 00:43:39,325 Well, actually there is... there is something. 445 00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:41,577 Erm, I was, er... 446 00:43:41,869 --> 00:43:45,372 wondering if maybe you might wanna come have dinner 447 00:43:45,372 --> 00:43:46,790 with my parents some time? 448 00:43:50,127 --> 00:43:51,253 Er... 449 00:43:52,921 --> 00:43:54,965 Er, dinner with your parents? 450 00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:55,966 Yeah. 451 00:43:58,927 --> 00:44:00,888 And you'd like that? 452 00:44:01,138 --> 00:44:03,641 Yeah. Nah, I mean, you know, they would. 453 00:44:06,393 --> 00:44:07,394 Er... 454 00:44:09,438 --> 00:44:11,690 Yeah, I don't think that's a very good idea. 455 00:44:15,778 --> 00:44:16,904 Okay. 456 00:44:23,619 --> 00:44:25,120 -Nope. -Sorry. 457 00:44:33,545 --> 00:44:35,381 Could you, er, maybe be persuaded? 458 00:44:35,381 --> 00:44:38,133 You know, could it, could it be, like, erm... 459 00:44:38,467 --> 00:44:40,219 a birthday present, maybe? 460 00:44:40,552 --> 00:44:42,638 I hope you're not expecting a birthday present, Colin. 461 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,683 No, no, I'm not. It's, it's just...Mum, 462 00:44:46,141 --> 00:44:47,601 she wants to meet you properly. 463 00:44:48,060 --> 00:44:48,977 And erm... 464 00:44:53,232 --> 00:44:55,401 well, she's quite ill, you know, she's... 465 00:44:56,026 --> 00:44:57,403 she's dying, actually. 466 00:44:57,444 --> 00:44:59,029 But I don't wanna force you to... 467 00:44:59,071 --> 00:45:00,197 -No? -No. 468 00:45:01,198 --> 00:45:03,575 Okay, well, it sounds like 469 00:45:03,617 --> 00:45:05,786 that is exactly what you're trying to do here. 470 00:45:05,869 --> 00:45:07,996 -No, I'm not. -You are. You are. 471 00:45:09,373 --> 00:45:11,333 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. 472 00:45:13,752 --> 00:45:16,088 Oh, you couldn't upset me if you tried. 473 00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:22,594 You seem pretty upset, so... 474 00:45:25,305 --> 00:45:26,557 So...what? 475 00:45:30,394 --> 00:45:31,186 Hm? 476 00:47:03,403 --> 00:47:04,696 No way! 477 00:47:06,573 --> 00:47:08,700 For he's a jolly good fellow 478 00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:11,161 For he's a jolly good fellow 479 00:47:11,203 --> 00:47:13,038 And so say all of us 480 00:47:13,622 --> 00:47:15,457 Light the candle, birthday boy! 481 00:48:39,333 --> 00:48:40,918 First one in buys a round of drinks! 482 00:48:44,004 --> 00:48:45,547 -Ooh! -Ooh! 483 00:48:45,756 --> 00:48:47,215 -Fuckin' hell... -Fuck me! 484 00:48:47,257 --> 00:48:48,675 Argh! Fuck! 485 00:49:01,355 --> 00:49:03,440 Now, bring him up. Get that net under him. 486 00:49:03,482 --> 00:49:04,608 Go on... 487 00:49:04,691 --> 00:49:06,068 Hey! 488 00:49:06,193 --> 00:49:08,612 Hey, hey, hey! -Go on, Colin, what you got? 489 00:49:12,449 --> 00:49:14,076 Grab his arm...come on! 490 00:49:15,619 --> 00:49:17,079 Keep your...push him! 491 00:49:17,162 --> 00:49:18,538 I'm trying, Ray. 492 00:49:22,751 --> 00:49:24,836 Sorry. I'm sorry. I... 493 00:49:28,715 --> 00:49:29,591 Steve! 494 00:49:30,300 --> 00:49:31,551 Can I borrow Kevin? 495 00:49:32,678 --> 00:49:33,887 You can have Colin. 496 00:49:35,263 --> 00:49:36,264 Fine! 497 00:49:40,477 --> 00:49:42,980 Oh, dear, Colin, you've been subbed out, mate. 498 00:49:45,565 --> 00:49:47,609 -Come on, Kevin! -Here he comes... 499 00:49:49,778 --> 00:49:50,779 Oh yeah! 500 00:49:52,531 --> 00:49:53,824 Champion. 501 00:49:54,074 --> 00:49:55,409 Go on, Kevin! 502 00:49:55,826 --> 00:49:57,703 Alright, bitches. Come on. 503 00:49:57,703 --> 00:49:58,787 Let's do it. Woo! 504 00:49:59,705 --> 00:50:01,331 Stop pouting, Colin! 505 00:50:04,668 --> 00:50:08,255 Come on! Yeah! Come on! 506 00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:10,465 -Come on! Pull him... -Yargh! 507 00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:13,051 Pull him. Oh, yes! 508 00:50:14,219 --> 00:50:18,098 Oh, yes! Yes! Nice one! -Woo! 509 00:50:18,557 --> 00:50:19,808 Yeah! 510 00:50:21,184 --> 00:50:22,185 Woo! 511 00:50:23,979 --> 00:50:25,063 Who's next? 512 00:50:34,573 --> 00:50:35,782 Oh, yeah. 513 00:50:36,950 --> 00:50:39,619 Right, need time out. Time out, time out, time out... 514 00:50:41,038 --> 00:50:42,414 Oh! 515 00:50:51,673 --> 00:50:53,550 So, how's it going with you and Ray? 516 00:50:54,342 --> 00:50:55,385 It's erm... 517 00:50:56,553 --> 00:50:58,555 it's going good. Yeah, it, it's great. 518 00:50:58,597 --> 00:51:00,432 -Mm? -Mm. 519 00:51:00,682 --> 00:51:02,476 You guys look really good together. 520 00:51:04,603 --> 00:51:06,271 -Thank you. -No, I mean it. 521 00:51:07,022 --> 00:51:09,858 He really is impossibly handsome. 522 00:51:10,859 --> 00:51:12,402 You sort of... 523 00:51:13,153 --> 00:51:15,030 bring his qualities into relief. 524 00:51:16,907 --> 00:51:18,200 Do you two never kiss? 525 00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:19,701 No. 526 00:51:22,537 --> 00:51:23,705 -Don't you miss it? -No. 527 00:51:28,543 --> 00:51:30,253 I couldn't put up with no kissing. 528 00:51:30,754 --> 00:51:32,214 It would drive me nuts. 529 00:52:20,220 --> 00:52:21,429 Nice bike, mate! 530 00:52:22,764 --> 00:52:23,765 Come on, then. 531 00:55:06,761 --> 00:55:07,762 On your back. 532 00:56:56,746 --> 00:56:58,248 Happy birthday, Colin. 533 00:58:19,579 --> 00:58:22,165 I hope you're not keeping your hair like that 534 00:58:22,207 --> 00:58:25,001 to make me feel better, because it doesn't. 535 00:58:26,294 --> 00:58:28,087 Your hair was your best feature. 536 00:58:29,214 --> 00:58:30,548 Well, Ray likes it like this. 537 00:58:30,590 --> 00:58:33,885 Mm, right. So, er, is Ray a hairdresser? 538 00:58:34,719 --> 00:58:35,720 I don't know. 539 00:58:36,429 --> 00:58:37,430 I told you, he's discreet. 540 00:58:37,472 --> 00:58:39,432 Yeah. But what does that actually mean? 541 00:58:39,474 --> 00:58:42,018 It just means, Mum, don't ask personal questions. 542 00:58:46,064 --> 00:58:47,732 Right, that's enough. Come on. 543 00:58:51,694 --> 00:58:53,863 Cheers, everyone. Thanks for coming, boys. 544 00:58:54,072 --> 00:58:57,200 -Cheers. -Cheers. 545 00:58:59,244 --> 00:59:01,454 Mm, tuck in. 546 00:59:03,498 --> 00:59:04,541 Oh, um... 547 00:59:07,585 --> 00:59:08,545 Mm. 548 00:59:09,128 --> 00:59:10,672 British summer we're having. 549 00:59:11,297 --> 00:59:12,757 Remember South Africa? 550 00:59:12,799 --> 00:59:15,134 -Mm. -Our honeymoon. 551 00:59:15,426 --> 00:59:17,428 Mm. Amazing place, though. 552 00:59:18,388 --> 00:59:19,806 Have you...do you mi...am I allow... 553 00:59:19,889 --> 00:59:21,516 Can I ask, have you ever been? 554 00:59:21,933 --> 00:59:22,892 No. 555 00:59:23,226 --> 00:59:24,227 Oh. 556 00:59:24,769 --> 00:59:26,437 Amazing place. 557 00:59:27,438 --> 00:59:31,234 Yeah, my er, my doctor's advised me to wear these socks. 558 00:59:31,276 --> 00:59:32,944 You know, he says they'll make a real difference. 559 00:59:32,986 --> 00:59:34,404 I mean, have you tried them? 560 00:59:34,445 --> 00:59:35,905 -Compression socks? -Yeah. 561 00:59:35,947 --> 00:59:37,574 Erm, er, no. -They... 562 00:59:37,740 --> 00:59:39,993 hold you apparently and stop you... anyway, 563 00:59:40,118 --> 00:59:42,245 Do you...do you fly a lot, Ray? 564 00:59:43,121 --> 00:59:44,247 Not really. 565 00:59:48,793 --> 00:59:51,462 Mm, this gravy is incredible. 566 00:59:52,422 --> 00:59:53,631 Best gravy in Bromley. 567 00:59:53,965 --> 00:59:55,049 What's your secret? 568 00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:56,801 If you don't mind... 569 00:59:57,468 --> 00:59:59,304 Er, oh, no. 570 00:59:59,512 --> 01:00:01,598 Erm, well, I erm... 571 01:00:02,432 --> 01:00:04,559 I er, put the chicken on a rack 572 01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:06,978 so that all of the juices... 573 01:00:12,191 --> 01:00:13,151 Sorry. 574 01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:14,569 Erm... 575 01:00:14,611 --> 01:00:18,948 I, erm, put the chicken on a rack and erm... 576 01:00:21,534 --> 01:00:24,412 let the juices from the chicken go onto the veg. 577 01:00:24,412 --> 01:00:26,414 And then once the chicken's done, I remove it, 578 01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:29,292 and then into those veg with all the chicken juices, 579 01:00:29,751 --> 01:00:33,796 I add a little bit of flour and a dash of hot sauce. 580 01:00:34,172 --> 01:00:36,382 Oh, hot sauce, huh? 581 01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:37,717 Yeah. 582 01:00:38,801 --> 01:00:40,511 Colin makes a good gravy. 583 01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:41,929 Mm... 584 01:00:42,180 --> 01:00:44,766 Colin makes a pretty good omelette, but that's about it. 585 01:00:52,774 --> 01:00:53,941 What's up with you? 586 01:00:56,277 --> 01:00:57,445 What's...up with me? 587 01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:59,030 -Yeah, what's up with you? -Mum, let's... 588 01:00:59,072 --> 01:00:59,989 let's talk about something else. 589 01:01:00,031 --> 01:01:01,616 Yeah, I agree. I think we can... 590 01:01:01,658 --> 01:01:03,201 we can talk about... -What...no, no, no, no, no. 591 01:01:03,242 --> 01:01:04,410 -Can't we change the... -'Cause, you know, Ray, 592 01:01:04,410 --> 01:01:05,578 'cause I'm not one to judge. 593 01:01:05,620 --> 01:01:07,163 I'm just interested. 594 01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:08,998 What's your secret? 595 01:01:09,374 --> 01:01:11,417 Have...have you got another life? 596 01:01:11,459 --> 01:01:15,088 Have you got...have you got a husband somewhere? 597 01:01:15,171 --> 01:01:17,298 -Peggy... -Or a...a wife? 598 01:01:17,382 --> 01:01:19,550 Is, is that what discreet actually means? 599 01:01:19,592 --> 01:01:22,887 Does it just mean that you've got two wives and ten kids? 600 01:01:22,929 --> 01:01:24,764 You...you don't have to say. Alright? 601 01:01:25,890 --> 01:01:27,600 Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. 602 01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:30,645 I'm sorry. 603 01:01:34,399 --> 01:01:36,859 I'm not sure I like the way you talk to my son. 604 01:01:38,319 --> 01:01:39,654 Well, that is fine. 605 01:01:40,655 --> 01:01:42,073 It's not for you to like. 606 01:01:43,574 --> 01:01:44,659 Excuse me? 607 01:01:50,498 --> 01:01:52,500 I can see that I make you uncomfortable. 608 01:01:54,711 --> 01:01:57,547 That...our relationship makes you uncomfortable. 609 01:02:00,174 --> 01:02:04,011 But...deciding that what makes you uncomfortable 610 01:02:04,512 --> 01:02:06,180 is bad for your son... 611 01:02:09,308 --> 01:02:12,729 Honestly, that's a pretty backwards way of thinking. 612 01:02:13,563 --> 01:02:14,814 I beg your pardon? 613 01:02:15,523 --> 01:02:17,316 I'm just saying you sound a little ignorant. 614 01:02:18,151 --> 01:02:20,653 Well, you sound like a cunt. 615 01:02:20,778 --> 01:02:23,322 -Mum! -No, I'm sorry, Col. 616 01:02:23,906 --> 01:02:26,242 I'd like to know, before I die, 617 01:02:26,284 --> 01:02:29,871 I'd like to know if my son is going out with a nutjob. 618 01:02:29,912 --> 01:02:31,330 Is that too much to ask? 619 01:02:31,414 --> 01:02:32,540 -Let's talk about something else. -Yeah, let's... 620 01:02:32,582 --> 01:02:34,417 Colin, you don't know who he is. 621 01:02:34,709 --> 01:02:35,793 You don't know what he does. 622 01:02:35,877 --> 01:02:37,920 You don't know if he's a hairdresser 623 01:02:37,962 --> 01:02:39,380 or a serial killer. 624 01:02:39,422 --> 01:02:40,506 He could be on the run! 625 01:02:41,424 --> 01:02:43,092 Well, he's too good looking to be on the run. 626 01:02:43,134 --> 01:02:45,011 He...he'd turn too many heads. 627 01:02:45,052 --> 01:02:46,387 He wouldn't get away with it. 628 01:02:46,512 --> 01:02:49,098 Well...he...he is very good looking. 629 01:02:49,182 --> 01:02:50,475 He's a creep! 630 01:02:50,933 --> 01:02:53,603 Our son is going out with a good-looking creep, 631 01:02:53,644 --> 01:02:56,731 and you, you're encouraging him. -Now then, stop it, you don't... 632 01:03:15,458 --> 01:03:17,084 Well...you... 633 01:03:17,960 --> 01:03:18,961 Colin... 634 01:03:19,045 --> 01:03:22,507 Colin come on, don't... don't be like that. Colin! 635 01:03:38,397 --> 01:03:41,400 Roses are red, violets are blue . 636 01:03:41,901 --> 01:03:44,445 Each day at your heel, brings me closer to you. 637 01:03:48,574 --> 01:03:51,494 Your hand on the throttle, your leathers so tight. 638 01:03:52,328 --> 01:03:54,664 I crave your command from morning to night. 639 01:03:59,919 --> 01:04:03,089 Your grip is a promise, your gaze a hot flame. 640 01:04:03,965 --> 01:04:06,509 Next to you I am nothing, but I'm yours all the same. 641 01:04:06,551 --> 01:04:07,635 Oh, yes. 642 01:04:08,970 --> 01:04:09,971 Open wide, baby. 643 01:04:12,974 --> 01:04:13,975 Aah! 644 01:04:18,479 --> 01:04:21,691 The pleasure you give, the pain that you bring. 645 01:04:22,567 --> 01:04:25,987 I'll take it all, Ray, for you are my king. 646 01:04:44,380 --> 01:04:46,048 In the village of Great Dunmow, 647 01:04:47,008 --> 01:04:49,051 there's a side of bacon 648 01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:51,554 given every year to the couple 649 01:04:51,596 --> 01:04:53,306 who haven't had a single quarrel. 650 01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:58,978 Well, me and Peggy could've won that bacon every year. 651 01:04:59,478 --> 01:05:02,148 We had every possible qualification. 652 01:05:04,233 --> 01:05:05,735 Apart from not living in Great Dunmow. 653 01:05:08,446 --> 01:05:09,530 Erm... 654 01:05:10,448 --> 01:05:13,284 As we gather, er, today, 655 01:05:14,076 --> 01:05:15,745 to say goodbye to Peggy, 656 01:05:17,872 --> 01:05:21,125 let's not...let's not focus on the sadness, 657 01:05:21,667 --> 01:05:23,002 let's, erm... 658 01:05:23,669 --> 01:05:26,631 let's celebrate a...a lovely life. 659 01:05:35,598 --> 01:05:36,724 Sorry. 660 01:06:34,740 --> 01:06:35,866 So, er... 661 01:06:38,411 --> 01:06:39,453 how was it? 662 01:06:40,121 --> 01:06:41,122 It was good. 663 01:06:43,958 --> 01:06:45,209 It was a good turnout. 664 01:06:45,668 --> 01:06:46,919 Oh, nice. 665 01:07:39,472 --> 01:07:40,598 Colin? 666 01:07:47,646 --> 01:07:49,273 Lemme see your hands. -It's fine. 667 01:07:49,607 --> 01:07:51,776 -Lemme see. -It's fine. 668 01:07:52,777 --> 01:07:54,153 Okay, we need to... 669 01:07:55,821 --> 01:07:57,406 get some cold water on them, okay. 670 01:08:04,038 --> 01:08:06,457 It's gonna sting a little. 671 01:08:07,666 --> 01:08:09,085 Yargh! Ah! 672 01:08:11,837 --> 01:08:12,922 Fuck! 673 01:08:15,508 --> 01:08:16,509 Argh. 674 01:08:20,554 --> 01:08:22,556 Try and hold your hands under the water. 675 01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:58,008 Thank you. 676 01:09:10,354 --> 01:09:11,188 Mm. 677 01:09:23,325 --> 01:09:26,036 Hey, erm, do you wanna hear a pizza joke? 678 01:09:31,792 --> 01:09:33,752 Nah, it's too cheesy. 679 01:09:41,552 --> 01:09:43,429 Are you gonna eat or do you want me to keep going? 680 01:09:43,429 --> 01:09:44,847 'Cause I've got plenty of pizza jokes here. 681 01:09:44,889 --> 01:09:47,391 -I'm gonna start eating. -I can go all night, baby. 682 01:10:00,362 --> 01:10:01,488 Sleep in the bed. 683 01:10:04,700 --> 01:10:07,244 It's fine, I'm feeling much better now. 684 01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:10,998 It wasn't a question. 685 01:10:51,372 --> 01:10:52,915 You know I love you, right? 686 01:10:58,128 --> 01:10:59,004 Yeah. 687 01:11:00,631 --> 01:11:01,507 But what... 688 01:11:03,008 --> 01:11:04,635 That's not what this is, Colin. 689 01:11:06,679 --> 01:11:07,805 That's not the point. 690 01:11:10,391 --> 01:11:11,267 Isn't... 691 01:11:12,142 --> 01:11:13,644 love the whole point? 692 01:11:14,520 --> 01:11:15,521 Of what? 693 01:11:18,440 --> 01:11:19,358 Everything. 694 01:13:51,969 --> 01:13:52,928 Erm... 695 01:13:53,762 --> 01:13:55,097 Could I ask you something? 696 01:13:57,099 --> 01:13:59,101 -Mm-hmm. -Err...it's I... 697 01:14:00,519 --> 01:14:01,645 I've been thinking... 698 01:14:02,521 --> 01:14:04,606 and er...you really, look, 699 01:14:04,648 --> 01:14:06,733 you don't have to say yes, I know it was a... 700 01:14:06,817 --> 01:14:08,485 it was a sort of one-off thing. 701 01:14:09,153 --> 01:14:10,195 But, erm... 702 01:14:11,238 --> 01:14:13,031 I was wondering if maybe I could... 703 01:14:13,615 --> 01:14:15,451 sleep in your bed a bit more often? 704 01:14:19,163 --> 01:14:21,457 Not, not all the time, obviously. Erm... 705 01:14:22,416 --> 01:14:23,834 but maybe... 706 01:14:25,294 --> 01:14:26,336 once a week? 707 01:14:31,091 --> 01:14:32,509 In fact, maybe, erm... 708 01:14:34,928 --> 01:14:37,181 once a week we could sort of have a, er... 709 01:14:38,307 --> 01:14:39,433 a day off? 710 01:14:40,893 --> 01:14:41,852 Hmm? 711 01:14:42,436 --> 01:14:43,896 You know, a day where we... 712 01:14:44,438 --> 01:14:46,190 wake up in bed together, 713 01:14:48,108 --> 01:14:49,568 eat breakfast at the table. 714 01:14:50,277 --> 01:14:51,278 Erm... 715 01:14:53,238 --> 01:14:54,740 I don't know, 716 01:14:54,781 --> 01:14:56,992 play a duet on the piano, that sort of thing. 717 01:15:00,704 --> 01:15:02,164 Not every day, I really... 718 01:15:02,873 --> 01:15:04,458 oh, I wouldn't want that. But... 719 01:15:06,668 --> 01:15:08,003 once a week...it could be nice. 720 01:15:08,086 --> 01:15:09,087 It could be fun. 721 01:15:09,630 --> 01:15:10,631 For both of us. 722 01:15:14,593 --> 01:15:15,594 No. 723 01:15:20,766 --> 01:15:21,642 No? 724 01:15:22,434 --> 01:15:23,310 No. 725 01:15:30,442 --> 01:15:31,443 Fair enough. 726 01:15:34,112 --> 01:15:35,906 How about once a month, then? -No. 727 01:15:36,281 --> 01:15:37,199 No? 728 01:15:43,580 --> 01:15:44,498 Have a think. 729 01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:49,086 -Excuse me? -Just have a think about it. 730 01:15:50,671 --> 01:15:52,923 -Colin, if you're not happy... -No, I am happy. 731 01:15:53,423 --> 01:15:55,133 Ray, I'm, I'm really happy. 732 01:15:58,428 --> 01:16:00,931 I could just maybe be a bit happier, that's all. 733 01:16:31,878 --> 01:16:32,879 Time for bed. 734 01:16:33,505 --> 01:16:35,674 I'm gonna stay up, finish this chapter. 735 01:18:24,616 --> 01:18:25,575 What are you doing? 736 01:18:25,617 --> 01:18:26,451 Nothing. 737 01:18:27,244 --> 01:18:28,120 Out. 738 01:19:19,671 --> 01:19:20,505 Oh... 739 01:19:20,672 --> 01:19:21,631 Fuck! 740 01:19:23,842 --> 01:19:25,302 Take off my t-shirt. 741 01:19:26,428 --> 01:19:27,345 Stop scowling. 742 01:19:28,180 --> 01:19:29,264 Take it off. 743 01:19:29,514 --> 01:19:30,348 Raymond... 744 01:19:31,683 --> 01:19:34,227 you look very small-mouthed and old. 745 01:19:37,022 --> 01:19:37,939 What did you say? 746 01:19:38,356 --> 01:19:40,442 I think you may have heard me. Raymond, please... 747 01:19:40,525 --> 01:19:41,860 -Huh? -Raymond... 748 01:19:41,902 --> 01:19:42,903 No... 749 01:19:42,986 --> 01:19:44,654 Ugh... GET OUT! 750 01:19:45,864 --> 01:19:47,365 -GO! -Uh! 751 01:19:48,825 --> 01:19:50,619 Ray! Raymond! 752 01:19:51,369 --> 01:19:52,662 Argh, argh! 753 01:19:52,746 --> 01:19:53,705 Argh! 754 01:19:53,747 --> 01:19:55,123 Fancy a wrestle? 755 01:19:55,165 --> 01:19:56,249 Huh? 756 01:19:56,500 --> 01:19:57,709 Fancy a wrestle? 757 01:19:57,793 --> 01:19:59,586 Ugh! Ugh! 758 01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:01,505 -Do you give? -Urgh! 759 01:20:01,671 --> 01:20:03,006 Do you? 760 01:20:03,048 --> 01:20:04,132 Urgh. 761 01:20:17,020 --> 01:20:18,396 Daaa-daaa-daaa... 762 01:20:49,261 --> 01:20:50,387 Colin! 763 01:20:54,599 --> 01:20:55,475 Hey! 764 01:21:21,334 --> 01:21:22,794 Wanker! 765 01:22:56,054 --> 01:22:56,930 Come on. 766 01:23:08,817 --> 01:23:09,818 Have a seat. 767 01:23:13,947 --> 01:23:14,948 Erm... 768 01:23:16,449 --> 01:23:17,784 What, what's this? 769 01:23:17,909 --> 01:23:18,868 Breakfast. 770 01:23:32,465 --> 01:23:33,550 I don't understand. 771 01:23:36,761 --> 01:23:38,430 I thought we could try a day off. 772 01:23:47,272 --> 01:23:48,356 Mm... 773 01:23:50,025 --> 01:23:51,192 So, erm... 774 01:23:52,819 --> 01:23:54,404 what would you like to do? 775 01:23:57,032 --> 01:23:58,074 What, today? 776 01:24:00,035 --> 01:24:00,910 Erm... 777 01:24:01,745 --> 01:24:02,871 What do you wanna do? 778 01:24:04,414 --> 01:24:05,206 No, no, no. 779 01:24:05,874 --> 01:24:07,959 You decide. It's your day off. 780 01:24:10,587 --> 01:24:13,548 Erm...well, it, er... 781 01:24:14,883 --> 01:24:17,427 Yeah...it looks like a nice enough day. 782 01:24:17,510 --> 01:24:18,511 We could... 783 01:24:19,929 --> 01:24:22,599 we could go for a bike somewhere...maybe? 784 01:24:24,225 --> 01:24:25,393 No biking today. 785 01:24:32,192 --> 01:24:33,777 But I'll pay for this later? 786 01:24:35,987 --> 01:24:36,946 No. 787 01:24:43,828 --> 01:24:44,746 Oh... 788 01:24:58,009 --> 01:24:58,802 Um... 789 01:25:01,054 --> 01:25:02,347 Do you like, er... 790 01:25:04,099 --> 01:25:05,183 Thai food? 791 01:25:05,892 --> 01:25:07,393 Er, sure, yeah. 792 01:25:08,186 --> 01:25:09,229 'Cause there's, erm, 793 01:25:09,312 --> 01:25:13,233 apparently there's quite a nice...place...nearby. 794 01:25:13,483 --> 01:25:14,484 Okay. 795 01:25:21,950 --> 01:25:23,076 Well, this was fun. 796 01:25:27,872 --> 01:25:29,249 What do you wanna do next? 797 01:25:30,416 --> 01:25:31,960 I...dunno. 798 01:25:36,548 --> 01:25:38,508 I'm sorry about the weather, really... 799 01:25:42,303 --> 01:25:43,513 Sing something for me. 800 01:25:47,934 --> 01:25:49,519 -What, here? -Or, actually... 801 01:25:49,686 --> 01:25:50,937 teach me how to sing. 802 01:25:54,983 --> 01:25:55,942 Are you serious? 803 01:25:56,025 --> 01:25:56,901 I'm very serious. 804 01:26:01,406 --> 01:26:02,282 Okay. 805 01:26:03,741 --> 01:26:06,494 Da, da, da, da 806 01:26:06,578 --> 01:26:08,746 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da 807 01:26:08,788 --> 01:26:10,999 Da, da, da, da 808 01:26:12,917 --> 01:26:14,294 Da... 809 01:26:15,003 --> 01:26:17,755 Da, da, da, da 810 01:26:17,922 --> 01:26:23,928 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da... 811 01:26:28,224 --> 01:26:29,267 Are you laughing? 812 01:26:29,309 --> 01:26:32,312 -No, it's good! You're very good! -You think you're better than me? 813 01:26:32,353 --> 01:26:34,314 -I didn't say that. -Is that what it is? 814 01:26:35,231 --> 01:26:37,525 Wow. Wow, that hurt. 815 01:26:38,151 --> 01:26:39,777 Er, you know what? 816 01:26:41,070 --> 01:26:42,363 -What are you doing? -Wait. 817 01:26:43,448 --> 01:26:44,991 -Ladies, pardon me. -Oh. 818 01:26:46,117 --> 01:26:47,327 Er...come on. 819 01:26:55,752 --> 01:26:56,669 Go ahead. 820 01:26:56,711 --> 01:26:57,503 Erm... 821 01:26:58,671 --> 01:26:59,464 ...sorry. 822 01:27:00,173 --> 01:27:00,965 Sorry. 823 01:27:03,384 --> 01:27:06,888 Da, da, da, da 824 01:27:06,971 --> 01:27:11,768 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da... 825 01:27:12,143 --> 01:27:14,562 -Oh, it's lovely. -Yeah. 826 01:27:19,108 --> 01:27:22,278 Da, da, da, da 827 01:27:22,320 --> 01:27:25,531 Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da... 828 01:27:28,159 --> 01:27:30,578 Ye-ye-yes, yes. 829 01:27:31,371 --> 01:27:32,830 You liked both, I can tell. 830 01:27:32,997 --> 01:27:34,165 Which one do you prefer? 831 01:27:34,332 --> 01:27:35,541 Oh, well, him. 832 01:27:35,875 --> 01:27:37,168 -Him? -Yeah. 833 01:27:37,627 --> 01:27:38,753 Are you serious? 834 01:27:39,629 --> 01:27:40,880 Unbelievable! 835 01:27:40,964 --> 01:27:41,965 I'm sorry about him. 836 01:27:42,131 --> 01:27:44,842 -He's, er... -You've paid off these two fine ladies? 837 01:27:44,884 --> 01:27:46,678 -I've never met these ladies, Ray. -Wow. 838 01:27:47,053 --> 01:27:47,762 Alright. 839 01:27:47,804 --> 01:27:49,055 -Congratulations. -Thank you. 840 01:27:49,555 --> 01:27:50,890 You're cocky now, huh? 841 01:28:07,865 --> 01:28:08,741 Oh... 842 01:29:07,675 --> 01:29:10,595 -Excuse me! -Oi, dickheads! 843 01:29:10,803 --> 01:29:12,138 Are you gonna clean those seats? 844 01:29:12,472 --> 01:29:13,514 Mind the popcorn! 845 01:29:13,556 --> 01:29:15,350 Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop! Pa-pa! 846 01:29:59,977 --> 01:30:01,312 -Gah! -Ja! 847 01:30:02,688 --> 01:30:03,731 I can't! 848 01:30:04,148 --> 01:30:06,025 -Not gonna make it! -Ooh! 849 01:30:06,067 --> 01:30:08,236 -Oh... -Go on without me... 850 01:30:11,864 --> 01:30:13,324 Go! I'm done. 851 01:30:17,578 --> 01:30:18,704 Come on! 852 01:30:18,955 --> 01:30:19,789 Come on! 853 01:30:20,206 --> 01:30:21,457 -Oh! -Up you get. 854 01:30:21,541 --> 01:30:24,127 -No, I'm done. -No, you're not. Come on, uh! 855 01:30:24,293 --> 01:30:25,503 -Leave me! -Come on! 856 01:30:25,545 --> 01:30:26,963 Leave me! Ugh! 857 01:30:30,174 --> 01:30:31,175 Ah... 858 01:30:33,344 --> 01:30:35,304 Argh, argh! 859 01:30:39,600 --> 01:30:42,770 -Yes, yes! Ahhh! -Ah. 860 01:33:33,149 --> 01:33:34,275 Ray! 861 01:33:37,612 --> 01:33:38,946 Are, are you in there? Ray... 862 01:33:59,008 --> 01:34:00,134 Still nothing? 863 01:34:07,266 --> 01:34:08,267 Alright, guys. 864 01:34:09,185 --> 01:34:10,394 How you doing, yeah? 865 01:34:21,489 --> 01:34:23,157 He can't just have disappeared off the Earth. 866 01:34:23,199 --> 01:34:24,283 He's gotta have been somewhere. 867 01:34:24,325 --> 01:34:25,159 Ray does his own thing. 868 01:34:25,201 --> 01:34:26,202 You know what, it's fine. 869 01:34:26,243 --> 01:34:27,787 Forget it, forget it. -Colin! 870 01:34:47,390 --> 01:34:49,642 Let's knock it on the head for today, shall we? 871 01:34:51,644 --> 01:34:52,603 Yeah. 872 01:34:54,772 --> 01:34:57,108 We can look somewhere else next weekend. Okay? 873 01:35:01,445 --> 01:35:02,655 Or not. 874 01:35:04,407 --> 01:35:05,408 Up to you. 875 01:37:09,156 --> 01:37:10,282 About me... 876 01:37:16,163 --> 01:37:20,584 I've been told I have an aptitude for devotion. 877 01:37:22,211 --> 01:37:24,839 I'm obedient, hard-working, 878 01:37:25,256 --> 01:37:27,633 and excellent at following instructions. 879 01:37:28,467 --> 01:37:29,844 I'm low maintenance, 880 01:37:30,052 --> 01:37:31,720 have a high pain threshold, 881 01:37:31,929 --> 01:37:33,681 and rarely fail to please. 882 01:37:34,265 --> 01:37:35,641 But I'm also very modest, 883 01:37:35,724 --> 01:37:37,268 so this is the only time that 884 01:37:37,309 --> 01:37:39,144 you'll hear me sing my own praises. 885 01:37:39,645 --> 01:37:40,896 Unless you ask. 886 01:37:42,898 --> 01:37:44,483 I won't cut my hair for no-one. 887 01:37:44,817 --> 01:37:46,652 And I do require one day off a week. 888 01:37:46,777 --> 01:37:48,195 That's not up for debate. 889 01:37:49,655 --> 01:37:50,906 The rest of the time, 890 01:37:51,490 --> 01:37:52,867 your wish is my command. 891 01:37:59,373 --> 01:38:00,207 Nice. 892 01:38:01,375 --> 01:38:06,922 When your world is turned around 893 01:38:06,964 --> 01:38:10,050 Why not smile? 894 01:38:10,426 --> 01:38:17,182 Don't wear a frown, smile 895 01:38:17,224 --> 01:38:19,977 Though your heart is aching 896 01:38:20,019 --> 01:38:22,354 Smile 897 01:38:22,438 --> 01:38:25,441 Even though it's breaking 898 01:38:25,524 --> 01:38:31,030 When there are clouds in the sky 899 01:38:31,113 --> 01:38:35,910 you'll get by if you smile 900 01:38:35,951 --> 01:38:38,787 through your fear and sorrow 901 01:38:38,829 --> 01:38:44,209 Smile and maybe tomorrow 902 01:38:44,251 --> 01:38:46,795 You'll...you'll see the sun 903 01:38:46,837 --> 01:38:49,632 Come shining through 904 01:38:49,757 --> 01:38:52,801 For you-u-u... 905 01:38:54,053 --> 01:38:56,388 What you playing at mate, make some space! 906 01:39:14,657 --> 01:39:15,574 Darren? 907 01:39:17,117 --> 01:39:18,327 It's Colin. 908 01:39:20,955 --> 01:39:22,164 You're early. 909 01:39:24,667 --> 01:39:25,834 Yeah, sorry. 910 01:39:28,963 --> 01:39:33,300 Light up your face with gladness 911 01:39:33,425 --> 01:39:37,304 Hide every trace of sadness 912 01:39:38,222 --> 01:39:40,391 Although a tear 913 01:39:40,474 --> 01:39:44,561 May be ever so near... 914 01:39:44,645 --> 01:39:48,816 That's the time you must keep on trying 915 01:39:48,857 --> 01:39:53,153 Smile, what's the use of crying? 916 01:39:53,195 --> 01:39:58,409 You'll...you'll find that life is still worthwhile 917 01:39:58,826 --> 01:40:02,830 If you just smile 918 01:40:02,955 --> 01:40:05,124 You must keep on trying 919 01:40:05,165 --> 01:40:10,921 Smile What's the use of...crying? 920 01:40:11,046 --> 01:40:13,465 You'll find that life... 921 01:40:13,507 --> 01:40:14,633 Can you cook? 922 01:40:15,134 --> 01:40:16,635 Yeah. Yeah, I can cook. 923 01:40:18,387 --> 01:40:19,263 What do you fancy? 924 01:40:19,304 --> 01:40:21,223 A smile is still worthwhile... 925 01:40:21,265 --> 01:40:23,183 Surprise me. No gluten. 926 01:40:24,143 --> 01:40:25,310 Can't be dealing with any gluten. 927 01:40:25,394 --> 01:40:27,062 -No gluten? -Yeah. 928 01:40:27,146 --> 01:40:30,649 Smile...