(howling)
(barking)
(feet clopping)
(panting)
(dog growls)
(barking frantically)
(suspenseful music)
(whines)
(feet clapping)
(whines)
(gasps)
(feet slapping)
(gasps)
(screams)
(splattering)
("Grow up" by Hysteric Blue)
(ominous music)
(lighthearted music)
(kids chattering)
- Joel Osteen's church wouldn't be
my first choice for vacation.
- If you prefer, we could go to Praise World in Topeka.
- I'll stick with Knott's Berry Farm, thanks.
(shouts in surprise)
(camera shutter snaps)
(moans)
(boys laughing)
- So much for Twyla Tharp calling your ass.
- I hate you.
(speaks foreign language)
Laugh it up.
I'd save the developing costs, if I were you.
Bam!
For the rest of the semester,
it's gonna be bike shorts from Nike.
- Damn it, she's on to me.
(sighs)
- It's times like this
that I support the Amish mode of dress.
It is on the plain side,
but it does curtail adolescent directions.
You do agree with me, right, Satsuki?
- Yeah, for once, I do.
- You know, you transferred to this school months ago
and you trip over that same damn step every damn day.
You're kinda like Madonna, on a sketchy horse,
on her birthday.
- According to my statistical research,
Satsuki seems to trip often
because of the different size ratio of her ears.
(chuckling) Either that, or it's cankles.
(boy shouts) - Just shut up, geek!
(crying)
- Don't look now, but it looks like the short bus
just dropped off its number one passenger.
(crying)
- Keiichirou, what happened to you now?
- Mama!
(wails loudly)
- Oh, come on, Keiichirou.
They just took your lunch money this time.
They didn't fold you up and put you in a locker again.
- You're such a crybaby, Keiichirou.
That's why they pick on you.
You gotta be like Cameron Diaz and the paparazzi.
Bam!
(sighs)
- It's not right to teach a child to respond with violence.
He should follow the example of our Lord and Savior,
Jesus Christ, and forgive his persecutors.
- Yeah, and take a look at what happened to him.
- You're not helping.
- Maybe Momoko is right and you should go Gandhi
and show kindness to your enemies,
and by doing so, turn them into friends.
- You're a fag and he should join the football team.
- That's it!
The school's sports festival is coming up soon.
You should try out for the relay race.
- But, but I'm not very coordinated.
- If you can't learn to fight the bullies,
you can at least learn to run away from 'em.
- I can?
- [Leo] Keiichirou, maybe you have a hidden talent
you don't know about, like Paris Hilton being an actress.
Oh, scratch that.
- Isaiah 63:1, "Stride forward in the greatness
"of His strength."
- You can do it, Keiichirou!
Screw this turning the other cheek crap.
Beef up and kick their asses.
- [Boys] Yeah!
(chains clank)
- Okay.
(comical music) (panting heavily)
- He's so slow.
Mentally and physically.
And don't get me started on her performance.
- They're both pretty pathetic.
I'll agree with you there.
Maybe cankles run in the family.
- At this rate, those bullies will make him
their bitch by noon.
I've got an idea.
(chains clank)
Time to go "Great Santini" on his ass!
♪ You wanna be an Air Force Ranger ♪
♪ You wanna live a life of danger ♪
♪ You don't wanna get raped by strangers ♪
Come on!
What are you?
Little sidekick?
Jonathan Brandis?
Ralph Macchio?
(yelling indistinctly) (suspenseful music)
Is that who you wanna be?
You wanna be a catcher or do you wanna be a pitcher?
You wanna be a pitcher!
A pitcher, a pitcher!
That's it.
That's what I'm talking about.
Pump, pump, pump.
(panting)
Think of a big black man chasing you.
(shouts)
(breathes heavily)
Well, he's not racist.
- I guess not.
He's only 0.2 seconds faster.
(groans in frustration)
- Failure's not an option.
Come on, Keiichirou.
Remember Carl Lewis.
- Who?
- [Hajime] On your mark, get set, go!
I said go!
(timer beeps)
- God's holy word is like water to a dehydrated soul.
- Yeah.
(feet slapping) (foreboding music)
Nice ass.
- Do not lust in your, Jesus, you're right.
(wind rushing)
(boy shouts in surprise)
- Who is that?
- Huh?
Wow, Jehovah!
All of a sudden, Keiichirou's two seconds faster.
- What?
(panting)
He was like a rabbit at the dog track.
- Where'd ass boy go?
- Get thee behind me, Satan.
Behind.
(breathing)
(bird chirps)
- All right, looking good.
Jock straps and sport bras in place.
The sports festival starts tomorrow.
Let's give it our best.
Now you kids make me proud; give me a race.
- [Kids] Okay.
- [Coach] Let's go check out our crappy PE equipment.
(door clanks)
(whooshes)
(ominous music)
- These flags would make really pretty decorations.
- What's that?
- What's what?
(ominous music)
(scythe gleams)
Sharpest jai alai thingy I've ever seen.
(hisses)
(boy screams)
(students gasp)
Now quit playing around, Timmy.
(choking)
Whoa, hey!
That's the ahoga sign!
(shouts)
(students wailing)
(grunting)
Come on, Kelly.
I've seen you-- (kids screaming)
Untie it!
Put your backs into it!
(screams)
(feet clopping)
- Oh, my god, what the hell's happening here?
These are the fastest lip stops I've ever had to sink!
I mean, have you heard about the sports festival?
- Yes, the sports festival.
That's what this whole episode's about.
- Okay, let's stop breaking the third wall.
They're thinking about canceling the sports festival.
- They're what?
(gasps)
(door slams)
- [Principal] What do you think you're doing,
barging in here like this?
- I'm sorry, sir.
Is it true you're going to cancel the sports festival?
- You're not competing.
What do you care?
- So it's true, then?
You're gonna cancel?
- Some stupid kid always gets hurt at that damn thing.
And I thought blind saber-tossing was such a good idea, too.
- What do we do?
- I know who's really behind this.
- Yeah.
Amanojaku. (groans)
- It's not like you kids have any athletic ability, anyway.
Besides, the insurance premiums are killing me.
- But-- - But what?
(hand slams)
- You can't cancel the festival.
One little retarded boy has his heart set on this thing!
Not to mention all the hours
and hours his very handsome personal trainer
has spent helping the little dweeb.
If you won't think of him,
then consider all the Halo-playing
and monkey-spanking I've sacrificed.
(dithers)
- Smooth.
(reflective music) (feet clopping)
(wind rushing)
(feet slapping)
(reflective music)
- Huh?
(suspenseful music)
- [Amanojaku] I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Liar.
You're the only one I know
who would think of strangling people with national flags
and then tying them up with tug-of-war rope.
You're like the Marquis de Sade in black fur.
And thanks to you, the sports festival almost got canceled.
- But it didn't, did it?
- Not for your lack of trying.
- Exactly.
You can go now.
(groans)
(leaves rustle)
- Thank you.
So if the cat is telling the truth,
I guess I better look for other suspects.
(pages rustling)
Right before a school sports festival.
(gasps in surprise)
Datto, a ghost who only cares about running really fast.
Because of that, he has a habit
of collecting many runners' feet.
Collecting feet?
What the hell is she talking about.
- All that running and now I'm going to have to walk home?
Huh?
(ominous music)
(feet clopping)
Pardon me?
I really enjoyed running with you today.
Don't you have any money for shoes?
Did the Crips beat you up and take yours too?
They took mine and now my dad
only buys me cheap ones from Payless.
But enough about me.
Are you a student here too?
I haven't seen you.
Must be night classes.
You're kinda pale.
- My friend.
- Who?
- A long time ago, I had a friend.
He was at the elementary school.
- Must be nice to have a friend.
Everyone here hates me.
- He died, though.
- Oh, sorry.
Suicide?
- In a traffic accident.
It was on the news.
- Fox, I bet.
- But the sad part isn't that he was killed.
- No?
- It's that he couldn't run in the sports festival.
Actually, he wasn't a very good runner, kinda like you.
(introspective music)
But he gave it everything he had
until he got blisters on his feet and corns,
fallen arches, disgusting, really.
And still he kept practicing, running faster.
And then, on the morning of the sports festival--
(engine roaring)
(tires squeal)
Bam! (metal crunching)
All he wanted to do was run.
- Bummer.
Hey!
Not a very motivational speech.
(fireworks booming)
(audience applauding) (regal music)
- [Announcer] The morning's events have now concluded.
Following a lunch break,
we'll begin the afternoon program at one o'clock.
- [Satsuki] Here.
The malt liquor mascot.
- Datto?
- From what mom says, he's a bull with a foot fetish.
- Oh, dear Lord.
- So that's what happened this morning,
with the crazy PE equipment.
- Yeah, probably.
But get this:
"On the day of the sports festival,
"at 4:44 p.m., the person running
"in lane four will have his feet chopped off
"at the fourth corner."
- Oh, dear Lord.
- But the sports festival ends at three o'clock.
Can't the ghost tell time?
- You're right.
But if there is a ghost here,
I need to catch it and put it to spiritual sleep.
- Yeah, but we don't even know what the ghost looks like.
(foreboding music)
- Something about that boy
from the other day is bugging me.
- You mean that he was pale, almost transparent,
with red eyes?
- What do you think?
- What does bootylicious mean?
(water pouring)
- You leave my friend alone.
He's not a ghost; he's got vitiligo.
- I do have to say he looked a lot better
in a track uniform than this dude.
- [Keiichirou] That's what I'm telling you.
(thunder rumbling)
It's not him.
(foreboding music) (water dripping)
(thunder rumbles)
- Of course.
- Not rain.
(water sprinkling)
- [Announcer] Because of the rain,
will all children please go with their parents
and guardians to the gymnasium for the time being?
(thunder cracks) (foreboding music)
- Looks like the sports festival's over.
(grunts)
- At this rate, everything's gonna get pushed back.
- To 4:44.
- Hey, principal.
- Oh, god, not you again.
Leave me alone.
If the rain stops, your little brother can fulfill
his Bruce Jenner dreams.
Now go away.
- Change of plans, chief.
You have to cancel the festival.
- What?
You're the one who nagged me for this.
- Hold on.
Gimme a sec.
But this hurricane!
What are we gonna--?
- Do you know what these parents would do to me
if we canceled?
I'd have to hear about little Billy and Suzy,
and there's not enough booze in my office.
- Billy and Suzy are not in lane four!
You have to cancel this damn thing now.
(ominous whooshing)
- Hey look, it stopped.
- What?
(students cheer)
- [Coach] Oh good, the sun's come out.
♪ The sun's come out tomorrow ♪
- It's been pushed back 30 minutes.
It'll end by 3:30, so it looks like
your brother's gonna live, after all.
- Mm-hmm.
(whistle blows)
- [Announcer] Will all participants
in the first years' foot race please gather
at the entrance gate?
(crowd chattering)
- All right, Keiichirou, you're on.
Make me proud.
- Remember, you're a pitcher.
- Right!
(foreshadowing music)
(girl screams)
- Hey, Satsuki!
(eerie music)
(wind howls)
- Hello?
- What are you doing?
- Satsuki. - What's happening?
- I saw him come in here.
- You're hallucinating; the place is empty.
- He's right.
- (gasps) Keiichirou's big race is just about to start.
- Oh, yeah.
(metal screeches) (door slams)
- No!
It won't open!
- [Leo] What the hell?
- [Momoko] When God closes a door--
(students shout)
(grunting) (banging on door)
- How could I have been so blind?
This must've been Datto's evil lair the whole time.
(screams) (gasping)
Look, by the box with sporting balls.
- I'm going to take that boy's feet?
(retches)
- So you are Datto.
You're an ass!
(laughs ominously)
Let us out, you ass!
- Why are you trapping us in here, anyway?
- Because you're in my way.
Duh.
- He's got a point.
- He does.
- [Announcer] Program number 20 is
the first years' foot race.
- Keiichirou!
- Don't worry.
We've got a long way to go until curse time.
- Yeah, you're right.
- [Amanojaku] Oh, is he?
- [Satsuki] Amano-jack-off!
- Got the time?
(screaming)
- Oh, for the love of Pete.
4:44 meant the clock at the old schoolhouse.
- Get set.
Is this thing loaded?
(students cheering)
- (grunts) Keiichirou, stop!
(screaming) (pounding)
(frantic music)
- It's no use.
- Leave him alone, ass.
Leave him be!
Keiichirou believes in you.
Doesn't it mean anything to you
that one lonely little retarded boy looks up to you?
I suggested Jesse Owens, but did he listen to me?
No!
(laughs wickedly)
- I'll take his feet.
- Set.
- Keiichirou!
(gun fires) (crowd cheers wildly)
(panting)
Open the door!
- Why do you need me, Hebrew?
Can't you read any faster?
- I'm not choosing people.
(crowd cheering)
(whooshing)
- (shouts) Please open!
Open! (shouting)
- [Hajime] Satsuki, stand back!
- What?
- We'll use my big pole.
- Good one.
- What?
(groans)
(crashes) (grunts)
(crowd cheering) (panting)
(whooshing)
(panting) (dramatic music)
(gasps)
- It's the fourth corner!
- I hate those who run.
I hate those who run.
I hate those who run!
(panting)
(feet clopping)
- Hey, I didn't know you were entered in this race.
Or did you come just to cheer me on?
- [Datto] No.
- Oh, okay.
Well, it doesn't matter,
'cause I'm gonna win first place
just for your dead friend.
- [Satsuki] Keiichirou believes in you.
Nice ass.
Keiichirou believes in you. (shouts in pain)
Nice ass.
(metal screeching)
(grunting)
(gasps)
- I just, I just wanted to run.
(whooshing)
(crowd cheers)
(gun fires)
(upbeat music)
- A car accident.
Must've been hit by an old Chinaman.
I don't mean to be racist, but those people cannot drive.
- I know.
But that's beside the point.
I think he was lonely.
- After all that training,
you're still such a little bitch.
- But for a ghost, Datto wasn't such a bad guy.
- Yeah.
Weren't you the one checking out
his butt at the track the other day?
- You can shut up, narc.
- [Leo] No, it's okay.
I mean, he had a nice butt.
Even I noticed.
It's okay.
- [Satsuki] Just drop it!
- [Leo] I don't know why you're ashamed about it.
You're a butt chick.
I don't mind.
- What are you doing?
- Datto can have it.
The pin keeps sticking my nipple.
Here!
(whooshes)
(twinkles)
- [Kids] Aw!
Little bitch.
("sexy sexy" by CASCADE)
(eerie music)
- [Ghost] Children shouldn't go outside on nights
when they're all alone.
Children shouldn't open the door
on nights when they're all alone.
On nights when children are all alone, I come.