(rain pattering)
(suspenseful music)
(storm raging)
(lightning crashing)
(suspenseful music)
(lightning crashing)
(eerie tense music)
(singing in Japanese)
(eerie tense music)
(whimsical upbeat music)
- Mio mi.
Is she that fat girl?
Or the slut?
(whimsical upbeat music)
- [Hajime] Come on, you know, she's that freak
who always sits in the corner of the classroom by herself.
You'd know her if you say her.
- Oh, her.
Oh.
You.
- Five years running,
the president of the Happy Paws Feather and Tails pet club.
- The Animal Planet freak.
- Mr. Sakata says he's gonna hold elections
for the president of the club this week.
There was a little bit of a problem
with the electoral college last year
but once again, Mio was elected to the post.
She greases more palms than you know who.
- We need more weirdos like her in this school.
She's like a Mexican doing all the jobs
white people don't want.
- [Leo] She has no friends,
but I think she's kinda hot.
- [Satsuki] Why don't the three of you get a room?
- [Hajime] Uh?
Yeah.
- Will you talk to me?
- Oh, hey there, Mio.
Didn't see you.
And I was this close.
So what's that?
Are you still playing with dolls?
- No.
Well, yeah kinda.
- That's so sweet.
In a you scare the crap out of me Emily Rose
kind of way.
Oh look.
Huh.
No wonder you're sitting here all alone.
Well, good talking to you.
Gotta go.
What?
- Here, you can take pooki poo.
He used to be my man but we broke up.
- Great, please don't hurt me.
Wow, look at the time.
Pooki and I gotta go.
- The V on my sweater stands for very big deal
but that's besides the point.
Now, any nomination--
- Hi!
Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi!
- Are you trying to tell me you want to run?
- Hell no, I don't want to run.
I'd like to nominate Satsuki Miyanoshita.
- Say what?
I don't want to go into politics.
- She can't!
She can't, I mean, the animals really want me to do it.
(chuckles nervously)
I mean, candidates take priority, right?
- Mio's right, candidates do take priority
and frankly, everyone who disagrees with Mio dies.
So I nominate her.
- She's been the animal caretaker
longer than I've been spanking my own monkey
but if Satsuki's afraid of doing it,
then fine, elect the incumbent.
- I can Jane Goodall as good as she can.
- I said she can't!
I mean, she could get rabies or ticks.
- What?
(chuckling nervously)
Sorry, forgot who I was dealing with here.
Jobs all yours.
- Well, let's hold on a minute.
I forget to mention.
We've got more bunnies.
There's no way Mio will be able
to do the job herself.
So, for the first time in our school's history,
we're going to have two, young sweet animal caretakers.
I mean girls.
(chuckling nervously)
- [Boy] I didn't approve that.
- [Satsuki] What the hell?
Is that the time?
Keiichirou, you're gonna have to Poptart it today.
- But there's a hole in my gym shirt
and there's a really weird sticky stain in my shorts.
- God, you're making me sick!
- I didn't do it on purpose.
- I wish Mom was still alive.
Then she'd deal with this crap.
(grunting)
I'm so late.
She's probably up to her eyes in rabbit crap by now.
Huh?
- [Satsuki Voiceover] God, she's so weird.
(eerie tense music)
Freak!
- I don't want to go in there.
Probably full of fleas or crabs or chlamydia or something.
(shouting)
Fluffy, come back.
(grunting)
Stupid rabbit.
- Come on, jump.
I said jump!
- Holy crap.
- All the little animals really like me.
They all tell me so.
And I'm really sorry I was late.
I feel bad you got here first.
- [Satsuki Voiceover] But she got here before me.
Oh my god.
(Satsuki screaming internally)
(eerie music)
(upbeat music)
- Ew!
He's too young to be having wet dreams.
- Hey.
(shouting)
- Don't do that.
What are you doing here?
Oh wait, you're feeling guilty
about putting me with little Miss Watership Down.
- Keiichirou told me was sick of eating Poptarts,
that you were too busy to fix him breakfast.
I thought I might help you out a little.
- You'll help out a little?
Do you know how much rabbits crap
in a 24 hour period?
- I said I was sorry.
Damn it woman, what do you want from me?
My lunch money?
- It's a start.
- Hey, you remember a couple episodes ago
you promised me some panties
if we went in that house?
Well, I'm still waiting for them
and I'm not getting any younger.
(grunting)
Hey, watch where you're going.
- Hush.
- She's weird but I'd still do her.
What's she doing?
- She did that yesterday.
Do we want to know?
- Maybe she's paying her respects
at the animal cemetery.
- The animal cemetery?
- Yes, the animal cemetery.
Hear the plot point bells going off?
- Of course.
Hope Stephen King never sees this.
(eerie tense music)
- [Sakata] So, what do you think?
Cute, huh.
Bend over and look at that one.
Hold still.
- One pill makes you larger.
- Let's see Hadley's cow club beat us now.
- And one pill makes you small.
And the ones that mother gives you.
- We didn't laugh the first time,
we're not laughing now.
- [Hajime] Not a Heart fan.
- [Sakata] Isn't he gay?
Oh no, that's the guy in Styx.
(wolf howling) (eerie music)
(roaring)
(birds chirping)
- One, two, three.
Stop moving, you little bastards.
One, two, three.
- Four comes after three.
- The laws of arithmetic didn't change
over night, did they?
- What happened, warden, did one get away again?
- I wish.
I knew we got more but somethings wrong.
- What are you talking about?
Didn't you go to Petco and get those little bunny rubbers?
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven.
Seven?
- See?
- I see.
The screwing like bunnies thing is true.
- Yeah. - Hold on.
I flunked math.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
Shirotabi?
- Huh?
(grunting nervously)
(eerie music)
- It looks just like him, that's weird.
- So you're telling me that Shirotabi died?
- God gave mankind dominion over the animals
and they all look alike, anyway.
- Maybe, maybe you just didn't close the gate
to the cage good enough.
- I locked their cell.
I've seen Oz.
- Oh, I used to love that show.
All those sweaty tattooed men
locked together in cells with guards
holding big clubs.
Did I say that out loud?
I mean, hey what a cute little pink bear
you got there.
- Oh that?
Mio made it and gave it to me.
I couldn't say no to her.
You never know what that freak would do.
(eerie violin music)
- [Satsuki Voiceover] Violins, oh no.
- [Satsuki As Kayako] Dad, no reading the paper
at the dinner table.
(clearing throat)
- [Satsuki] Excuse me.
- Wow, you sounded so much like your mom just now.
Say, Satsuki, Barney Frank Elementary School
is a school that's very near where you
and your brother go, isn't it?
- Isn't that the special school we were going
to send Keiichirou to?
- USA Today has an easy to read
color graphic showing how many
of their rabbits were killed last night.
Check it out.
- Wow, how gruesome.
And rabbits killed at Condaleeza Rice Elementary, too.
Jesus.
- I hope Jocelyn Elders Elementary's rabbits are okay.
- Instead of losing some,
ours are rapidly multiplying.
- Multiplying?
- Oh rabbit crap, I'm late.
Gotta go.
Hey, maybe we should arm the rabbits with little guns.
- Sometimes, I wish all people could marry the animals.
- Huh?
Me?
(shushing)
- Don't you?
- Yeah, if Siegfried and Roy can do it,
why can't everybody?
- I know, right?
- Well, I'm just gonna drop off the droppings.
BRB.
- Now, where were we?
- What do you want?
- Over here, this way.
I met BJ Bridget in the woods
for our Wednesday usual
and I found something even more interesting
in the animal graveyard.
- You're a rabbit necrophiliac?
- Look.
(gasping)
(eerie tense music)
Ever see The Serpent and the Rainbow?
- Wait, don't tell me the rabbit came back to life.
- I don't know.
What's that?
- A Nick Nolte voodoo doll.
(eerie tense music)
(roaring)
Oh my god.
- This is disgusting.
- It's like rabbit Jonestown.
(screaming)
Shirotabi.
All dead but you, it's a miracle.
- That's not Shirotabi.
Shirotabi's dead.
- What?
Don't listen to him.
He's just jealous.
- The sheds been destroyed and your favorite rabbit
is the only survivor.
- So what?
- The entire shack is blown to bits.
I'm smelling a rat or a fox in the henhouse
or something...
- [Satsuki] This isn't my fault.
I better still get an A.
(gasping)
- Blood.
- What? - Blood!
Don't look.
- Aunt Flow's timing is terrible.
- I'll just clean up the blood.
I mean carnage here.
(eerie music)
(booming footsteps)
(screaming)
- That was the best Asian massage parlor ever.
They gave me a little parting gift.
Such nice girls.
(screaming)
- They say the people were attacked
by some strange creature.
(eerie tense music)
- Found it.
If you chant the spell at the grave,
this doll actually resurrects the dead
but the bad news is the resurrected spirit
is really pissed off.
- So then Shirotabi really was resurrected
by that ceremony.
You think Shirotabi was the culprit?
- Does a duck fart underwater?
- You're saying he came back to life?
- Well Bugs didn't climb out on his own, Leo.
We need to find Gerdy Graverobber.
- Before we leap to conclusions,
we should make sure the Beelzebub bunny is Shirotabi.
- [All] Hai.
(tense music)
- No satanic activity yet.
- (yawning) I'm sleepy.
- This oughta wake you up.
- What?
- Maybe it isn't the rabbit.
- You guys.
She's looking straight at us.
I don't think we hid very well.
- Shirotabi, my friends over there
think you're a rabbit serial killer
and in the movies,
this would be the part where I foolishly trust you
not to kill me
and stick my hand in the cage--
You son of a bitch.
(tense music)
(screaming)
- Dumb ass. - Didn't see that one coming.
(roaring)
- Coming this way now.
- Time to go.
- Give us wings of angels.
(screaming)
(eerie tense music)
(screaming)
- Ew, ew.
Of all the places to run,
why did we end up here?
- Because it was the only place
and we're terminally stupid.
(sobbing)
- Oh god.
Get it together!
- That son of a bitch.
So I drag my happy ass out in the pouring rain,
come bring me back to life, he says,
I'll be good, I promise, he says.
I'm not gonna turn into a big red eyed
flesh eating monster rabbit.
He says!
(roaring)
(wet squishing)
- [Satsuki] What were you thinking?
- The dead can be resurrected.
You shouldn't play John Edwards.
- Yeah.
Hey, I got an idea.
How bout you guys rub it in, why don't you?
I suppose none of you ever resurrected a killer rabbit.
I mean, I have no friends.
No one talks to me.
- I feel evil.
- Come on, Leo.
(screaming)
(roaring)
- On three.
Three!
- I'm a genius.
- [Mio Voiceover] Oh, Shirotabi.
I brought you back from the dead.
Thought you'd be a little more grateful!
(grunting)
- Hey, what if we sacrifice the two boys?
(screaming)
- Satsuki, damn it.
Will you hurry up and put the thing to spiritual sleep?
- Oh yeah, that's right.
Okay, Mio, you're gonna have to gut up.
You've got one big do-over.
(roaring)
(screaming)
You did some little happy song
to bring this bunny back, so start singing.
Those three to four cardboard boxes
aren't gonna hold him for long.
- Lord, reveal your salvation
since I am your favorite among these heathens.
That wicked charm!
(sobbing)
- [Satsuki] Toss the arts and crafts, move it.
- [Mio] I can't do it!
- [Hajime] And why not?
- Because none of the other animals
would be my friend but Shirotabi.
Sometimes, when we were together,
I feel he would actually talk to me.
- You are pathetic.
- One he died, I was so sad
that I would never hear that voice again.
His laugh.
(deep laughter)
His funny little requests.
- [Shirotabi] Touch me.
- [Mio] His reprimands.
- [Shirotabi] Touch me harder.
- I had to bring him back to life!
(roaring)
- [Leo] Come on.
- You stupid selfish slut.
Does he look happy to be back?
Huh?
(screaming)
(roaring)
- Sentimental flashback time is over,
you stupid bunny loving bitch.
If you don't throw that thing,
I'm tossing you.
(sobbing) (somber music)
(roaring) (screaming)
- [All] Throw it!
- Shirotabi, please forgive me for bringing
you back to life.
I know now that it could never work between us.
As much as we want it to, it could never be.
(somber music)
Not because you're a rabbit
but because you're black.
(somber music)
(gasping)
Wow.
- [Satsuki] Ew.
(all laughing)
- My bunny.
My little dead bunny.
- It's no Frank Lloyd Wright for bunnies,
but it will do.
- Yeah, genius, but all the rabbits are dead.
We should get our best stationary and our pens
and ask Amy Grant for those three wishes.
- [Sakata] Look what I've got.
- Yo, Sensei, what's haps on the craps with snaps?
- Cracker.
Aren't they cute?
- Shirotabi.
- The biology teacher told me they're Shirotabi's children.
- Shirotabi's what?
- Children.
- Guess this as good a time as any.
You see, kids, the boy bunny has a thing called a penis
and he puts that into the girl bunny's vagina.
The girl bunny then starts acting
like she owns that penis.
Anyway, don't they look just like him?
- Yes, they do.
- This reminds me of a story.
You know how sometimes the man
totally screws the woman over?
- Yeah.
- Well this friend of mine doesn't want another kid
but her husband does.
They're not using any birth control 'cause they're married
and the guy actually finishes inside of her.
Needless to say, she was pissed.
Isn't that awful?
- Yes.
You two timing son of a bitch!
Who's gonna take care of these little bastards?
- Hey, I got an idea.
Let's end this episode with a happy moral.
- Like if you leave children behind,
pay your child support on time.
- Deadbeat dads are not cool.
(all laughing)
- [Leo] Yeah!
(singing in Japanese)
- [Announcer] Yo dude there's this dark tunnel
and once you get up in there,
you aint ever coming out.
Think I'm lying?
Hell no this nigga aint lying.
Think I'm messing with you?
(bleep) you, man.
What am I talking about?
(speaking Japanese)