(rain pouring)
(yawning)
- Guess it's about time to head back.
(rain pouring)
(suspenseful music)
(screaming)
(tires screeching)
Oh man, is Geico gonna screw me now.
(seat belt clicks)
(door slams)
Huh?
That's weird.
No dent.
Maybe I hit Kate Moss.
(signal blaring)
(door slams)
(siren blaring)
(suspenseful music)
(screaming)
(train whooshing)
(singing in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
(singing in foreign language)
(upbeat music)
(singing in foreign language)
(suspenseful music)
(train rattling)
- What?
The ghost of a woman, what?
- Do, do I stutter?
Yes, I heard a cab driver saw a pale faced ghost
at this railroad crossing.
Why the supernatural evidence is directly in front of us.
Look, right there, even now.
A stain in the shape of a person.
(shouting)
- Oh good Lord, it's just a puddle.
You're even getting on my nerves.
- Geez, you know what a baby he is.
- Shut up!
I know what I'm talking about
and I'm going to prove it to you.
Oh, you'll see.
According to my investigation,
many reliable witnesses have testified
that they saw a ghost on this spot.
There are a lot of accidents here
and the residents in the area call this-
- You interrupted Girls Gone Wild Backwoods of Kentucky
for this?
- Hey, is that the limited incest edition?
- If you're going to do your physical research,
do it by yourself.
- Listen, this is our civic duty.
We have to stop it.
Are you telling me you don't care
if the people crossing here
are in danger of losing their lives?
When a ghost shows up,
we always rush there and dispel the spirit.
If you won't help,
I'm going to kick you out of the Psychical Research Club.
- Oh, damn anime.
Look what's happened to my eyes.
- Not to mention, ghosts don't come out in the afternoon,
do they? (chuckles)
I said, come out.
- Oh, you don't need to worry about waiting for them.
Ta da!
Here, here, here, here.
- What the hell are these?
- These specially designed cameras
capture images that the human eye can't see.
You guys just keep shooting everywhere and everything
and we're bound to snap a ghost.
All right everybody, aim and fire!
(camera clicking)
- You know, I got a better use for my camera.
- [Leo] Shut up.
- I got one word for you, photo shop.
- [Leo] You shut up too.
(camera clicks)
- Poor little thing.
- [Leo] You shut, what?
- The spirits here should be in Heaven right now
and I'm sorry,
it'd piss me off of kids were bothering my spiritual rest.
I think we should just leave them alone, okay?
- Okay.
Just my luck, the Greta Garbo ghost.
I want to be alone.
(laughter)
Oh!
(suspenseful music)
How'd she get her hand like that?
That's not easy to do.
Wait a minute, that's not her hand!
(suspenseful music)
(birds chirping)
(speaking foreign language)
Wait a minute, that's the Japanese.
There is a ghost at the railroad.
I knew it.
Wait till I show Hajime,
he's going to crap his pants.
(laughter)
- And then my mom walks in.
- Hajime!
- What?
- Hey, check this, - [Satsuki] You guys listen!
(shouting)
- Why don't you watch where you're going?
- Sorry.
Get up.
We gotta go see Momoko.
- [Hajime] What?
Momoko collapsed or did you say relapsed?
- What?
- Well, apparently she got sick all of a sudden last night
and was taken to the hospital.
- Why, why?
- I don't know,
even the doctors don't seem to understand what's going on.
Thorough examination, that's what she's getting.
- You know, I could give her a thorough examination.
- No you can't.
I'm going to the hospital and I'll check on her later.
- I'll go too.
Leo, I'll need my rubber gloves back.
- You don't want them back, but that's a long story,
but that's beside the point.
Momoko might be cursed from the photo I took, look.
(shouting)
- Oh, I'm fine, really,
just a little tightness in my chest.
I think I need a bigger bra.
Satsuki, do you have any?
Oh, what am I saying?
- [Leo] It could be supernatural paralysis.
- Huh?
- Hey!
- What, what are you not telling me?
- Well, Leo,
Leo thinks the reason you collapsed is that,
are you gonna tell her or not?
Well, they say a picture's worth a thousand words, so.
Hey, your hair looks really good though.
I'm sure no one will notice your third hand.
- This isn't going to show up on the internet
or anything, is it?
- No, only the ones of Satsuki in the locker room.
Praise God.
Well, if you think that's weird
wait 'til you see this.
Seriously, this ought to get a rise out of you.
(Leo screams)
- Excellent.
- Hey, what meds are you on?
- Don't panic, but you have to see this.
(Leo screams)
- Leo, you fag.
Two words, right breast left breast.
- Cover those puppies up,
I'll ask the nurse for some Creme De La Mer.
(door clicks)
(dramatic musical score)
(suspenseful music)
- It's the ghost of a woman.
For the life of me,
I can't figure out why I attract these types.
I mean, is it me, something I'm doing?
She came to my bed last night, just staring at me.
I can't tell my parents.
I wasn't going to tell the doctor.
Hey, wait a minute.
Why did you guys bring me any candy?
Or flowers, are you even my friends?
Get out.
(Leo panting)
(ominous music)
(dramatic musical score)
(Leo yelps)
(train whooshes)
(Leo screams)
(tires screech)
- Watch out, stupid Jew.
(bell rings)
- Stupid gentile.
- [Amanojaku] I'm betting it's a zip code spirit.
- 90210?
- A human soul that couldn't rest in peace.
So they stay in the place where they bit the big one,
causing all kinds of trouble.
You know, as in zip code.
- Are you sure?
I think the skin cream's going to help.
It's expensive.
You're telling me it's not a rash, it's a ghost?
- [Amanojaku] God, you are so smart.
- But that's not right.
She, Momoko hasn't done anything wrong.
- And you're retarded.
Life isn't fair, is it?
Zipcode spirits have a huge case
of sour grapes over how they died.
And they just love to share their misery with the living.
If you bother them, they'll curse you just for spite.
Poor little Cathy Christian.
(match strikes)
(ominous music)
- Hang in there, Sister Christian.
(sings softly)
Focus, Leo.
(sings) God that song is addictive.
Come on, Leo, you just have to save her.
Be gone imprinted shadow!
Yeah.
(ominous music)
- [Momoko] Whoa!
- I command you, imprinted shadow,
be gone in the name Kentax and Podak, be gone!
(table rattles)
Wow, I always knew photographic companies
were named after semi-satanic deities.
Good, let's see.
In the name of Nanon, in the name of Likon,
and Jupee and Fossilhad,
and that cheap one from Falgreens my mom buys me.
And, I don't know, Etch a Sketch.
(Momoko gasps)
Be gone in the name of crayons,
and number two pencils,
and Hell, number one pencils.
(ominous music)
- Jesus, help!
Lord, please!
(glass breaks)
(Leo screams)
(fire roars)
(Leo screams)
(glass shatters)
(wind blows)
(door clicks)
- God, dammit, Leo.
What the hell are you doing?
- Is she grabbing her boobies?
(dramatic musical beat)
What is it about that girl and lesbians?
Wait a minute.
Gasp, oh, no, Momoko.
- Leo, Leo, Leo, God dammit, God dammit, God dammit.
(Leo pants)
(dramatic music)
(muffled speech)
- [Nurse] What?
(muffled speech)
- [Nurse] I can't understand you.
(muffled speech)
- [Nurse] This girl's going to die.
- Momoko, darling.
- Ow!
- Darling.
- Darling, sorry, the meeting ran late.
- You never sleep with me, either.
That goddamn company!
(muffled speech)
- Oh, what?
(muffled speech)
- My poor little darling.
- I'm leaving you Harold.
(rapid footsteps clatter)
- [Leo] Momoko!
- Wait, are you a very close friend of hers?
- Yes, I am, what's happened to my chicken?
(bed rattles)
- Oh, you precious little lamb.
She's a goner.
- She is?
- [Momoko's Father] Darling, darling.
(dramatic musical beats)
- Samara?
(wind whistles)
(Leo whimpers)
(footsteps clack)
- Dumbass!
(Leo screams)
You think "I did the spell wrong,"
is going to work on me?
I'm a sexually frustrated fourth grader
and you've ruined my boob flash chances once already.
If Momoko dies, I'll kill you.
- [Keiichirou] Leave him alone!
- Stop it, Leo's only trying to help.
He's failing miserably, of course.
But he's trying to help.
- Sorry, Leo.
- [Amanojaku] Don't beat yourselves up.
That's my job.
(Leo gasps)
- I hate you!
- You kids did what you could.
The zip code spirit's curse is too strong.
- No, no, this is all my fault.
I was trying to take pictures of a ghost
and she's way too camera shy.
- [Satsuki] Suck it up.
- Amanojaku, you're a great spirit
who knows about things.
Please tell me what to do.
I'm begging you.
- Oh my heavens, I'm like the wailing wall.
Get up, I can't stand to see the Jews suffer anymore.
This curse isn't your fault.
This zip code spirit has a serious grudge against somebody.
- You mean like in the movie?
- Exactly, is Ms. Freddie Prinze Jr.
the worst actress or what?
But if you really want to help out the zip code chick
you just need to ask her what needs to be done
to soothe her feelings.
- How about cash?
(bird warbles)
Eggs, juice box, and three kinds of flowers,
and none of it on sale.
If Momoko lives, she's going to pay me back,
with interest.
Don't look at me like that.
Remember, I bought all those disposable cameras, too.
- Leo, might want to take a look at this.
- What?
(bowl rings)
- [Leo] Order up.
I'm just kidding.
- My daughter's dead and you're making food jokes?
Many people have said they've seen her there, you know?
- [Satsuki] She's busy.
- Very, it's been three years now.
Shizuko was a tragic hit and run victim
near that very railroad crossing.
She was engaged to be married.
I don't know why she was trolling
around the railroad tracks.
Shizuko was quite a little tramp.
Not my fault, I tried to raise her right.
I, guess once a slut, always a slut. (sobs)
We never found her engagement ring.
- Was it expensive?
- I don't think so, he got it at Jared's.
It never really fit right.
Her fiance was engaged once, before.
Probably, probably to some ugly fat girl, you know?
Wynonna Judd or Carnie Wilson, maybe Nell Carter.
Where's the justice?
Here this loser finally finds
an attractive, thin girl to marry
and she has to die.
She never got to do the things she wanted to do.
Cure cancer, win the Nobel peace prize,
have a four way with Jude Law, Clive Owen, and Denny Glover.
- [Satsuki] Why didn't you tell her about the photo?
We were there for hours listening
to that woman go on, and on, dead daughter.
- [Leo] what am I supposed to say?
Your daughter's being a little bitch
and is trying to kill our friend?
I don't want her comin' after me.
- [Satsuki] Yeah, I guess you can't say that.
- [Hajime] Sure he can.
- That does it, I'll find the ring.
- [Together] Huh?
- [Satsuki] Leo!
- [Hajime] Don't you think about pawning it
if you find it!
- [Satsuki] Leo!
(ominous music)
(dramatic music score)
(grass rustles)
- Leo, just give it up.
- It's been three years since the accident.
I'm sure some other Jews found it
and melted it down by now.
- You know, you're pissing me off.
You'd do the same thing and you're not Jewish.
- [Satsuki] He's right, you would.
- I have to find that ring to save Momoko's life.
You could get down here and help me, you know?
- I think you want it for yourself.
- Where do you think you're going?
- Are you going home?
- Good God his people wanted the desert for years.
I'm going home to get him my flashlight
if that's okay with you.
- Excellent.
- Oh!
(dramatic musical score)
Hey heads up.
- Huh?
(high pitched whistle)
What the hell are you doing?
- [Leo] Look at her pupils!
- [Hajime] K-hole!
- No way, but Momoko doesn't even own a cat.
Hold it.
(paper rustles)
(Leo gasps)
It's the Ring, I mean the Grudge,
what movie are we ripping off again?
- [Hajime] Grudge. - [Satsuki And Keii] Ring.
(train signal chimes)
(suspenseful music)
- Amtrak.
- She'll get run over.
- [Satsuki] Move, dammit!
- Samara, I mean Shizuko,
I'm sorry you never got married,
but that's no reason for this.
- Get out of the way, stupid.
- Light as a feather, stiff as a board.
- God, how much weight did you gain in that hospital?
(Hajime grunts)
(Satsuki yelps)
- Man down.
(suspenseful music)
- Momoko, stop!
(train rumbles)
My god, isn't that hurting your feet?
I'm sorry I took your picture,
and while were at it, I apologize for Jennifer Aniston, too.
(Leo grunts)
And while I'm apologizing for things,
let me say I'm sorry for this erection I have.
I know it's weird,
but it tends to happen a lot when I jog.
I'd be a natural for track,
but I experience terrible wind shear.
The baton relay's entirely out of the question.
(train whistles)
- Keiichirou has to pee!
- Hello!
- Oh my god, does this make me a necrophiliac?
Or am I a coma-philiac?
I mean, is there such a thing?
There hasn't been a talk show about this.
Oh, what do I know?
(suspenseful music)
(tires screech)
(wind blows)
- You all right?
Hey?
(heart beat thumps)
(man whistles)
(man gasps and screams)
(thunder crashes)
Not another one.
(ring clangs)
(man whistles)
(Momoko screams)
(train rumbles)
- [Satsuki] Momoko, you're all right!
(Leo sobs)
- Yeah.
- [Keiichirou] Nice to have you back.
You really want fast.
I don't have to pee anymore.
- Leo, shut up.
- Quit crying, big pussy.
- I'm confused!
- Thank you, thanks Leo.
You see everything's clear now.
- [Satsuki] Say what?
- I saw the ring.
I know where it is now.
(dramatic music)
- [Satsuki] You're telling me
we're going to find the ring in a place like this?
- [Momoko] Yes, Shizuko told me.
In that taxi.
- Right.
- [Satsuki] It's gonna be locked.
(lock clicks)
- [Hajime] What's there to steal, spare turban?
Told you so.
- [Momoko] Hajime, I want you to look
under the seat and see if you can find it.
- [Hajime] Yes, missus.
(cloth rustles)
- Well?
- Hello.
- That's it.
I know this is Shizuko's lost ring.
- But hey, Shizuko was a hit and run victim,
wasn't she?
Why was her lost ring in the bottom of a smelly cab?
- You're not that bright, are you?
Okay, the hit and run driver tried to put Shizuko
into the car to take her to the hospital.
But when he saw that he killed her,
he didn't repent on his knees to the Lord,
probably due to his half Pakistani bloodline,
those poor judged to hellbound heathens.
Her ring then fell into the cab.
- So then the Pakistani half-breed cabby
is Shizuko's murderer.
- Hey, I'm not Pakistani.
(all gasp)
What the hell do you think your kids are doing here?
- Turban hunting?
(all scream)
- [Driver] Why don't we get a lock on this lot?
For crying out loud, brats these days.
(lock clicks)
(rain pours)
(ominous music)
(tires screech)
- God!
(signal chimes)
Stupid trains.
- [Ghost] I found it.
(man yelps)
- My ring.
See?
(man screams)
(train rumbles)
(eerie music)
(singing in foreign language)
♪ I miss you, I miss you ♪
♪ I need you, I need you ♪
♪ Sexy, sexy ♪
(eerie music)
(singing in foreign language)
♪ Come back, come back, come back ♪
(singing in foreign language)
♪ Sexy, sexy ♪
(eerie music)
- What do you think you're doing?
Give my bitchy, witchy girlfriends back!
- You're the ones who said you wanted to use the spell
that makes wishes come true.
Now it's your turn to honor the contract of blood!
Moo ha ha ha ha, ha.