And now on BBC2, it 's time to take our weekly look into the future,
as we join Peter, Jack, Pam and Pealy in London's Shepherd's Bush
for tonight 's edition of Look Around You.
Hello. Coming up on tonight 's programme...
we'll be unveiling a brand-new sport.
We'll also be hosting a unique sporting event,
right here in the studio, whoa!
And attempting to break a world record.
That 's all on tonight 's sporting edition of Look Around You.
Take it away, Brian.
# Look Around You #
(Commentator) Oh, would you look at this!
Charging through the competition with an incredible burst of energy,
Ros Lamb, the Southport Sparrow,
surges through to become the world 400,000 metres champion!
There she is, being congratulated by her husband and trainer, Ron Lamb,
Oh! She's overcome so much, this girl, to get here today,
and now, brave Ros Lamb is the pride of Roast Britain!
Wow!
Who can forget that incredible victory?
- So inspirational! - Fantastic!
And here she is to tell us about a remarkable breakthrough
in running technology - Ros Lamb.
- Ros, welcome to Look Around You. - Hello.
- Pleasure to meet you. - Hi, Ros, hello.
- It 's lovely to meet you. - Hello.
Now, Ros, first of all, congratulations once again.
Thanks.
You've brought your medal to show us.
I have, yeah.
(Gasps)
- It 's beautiful. - Well done.
Now, Ros has run some pretty impressive distances in her career,
but now she's able to run further, and much faster than ever before.
And it 's all thanks to this -
a serum, known as di-tutetamine brohohibe.
Ros, tell us a bit about it.
Well, di-tutetamine brohohibe is a new form of rocket fuel.
- Rocket fuel? - Yeah.
Which has been flavoured with caramel.
And there's also a savoury version, available soon.
- It 's been adapted for human use? - Yeah, that 's right, yeah
Now, Ros, tell us, what speed can an average runner achieve?
Well, er, an Olympic sprinter can reach about 20 miles an hour.
And how fast can you run using di-tutetamine brohohibe?
About three and a half thousand miles an hour, give or take.
Well, that 's a pretty big increase.
Well, we're really going to put Ros to the test now,
because we've devised a special Look Around You challenge for her.
Ros is going to attempt to run from here,
BBC Television Centre in London,
all the way to our studio in Aberdeen,
where she'll be met by BBC Scotland's Mario Abdullah-Levy.
- Hello Mario! - Hello Peter!
Mario, tell us, just how far away are you up there?
Well, we're 524 miles away from Shepherd's Bush,
so it 's a fair old distance.
And I have to tell you, Ros, that it 's absolutely freezing up here.
And although I'd love to see it myself,
I hope you're not wearing anything too skimpy!
(Laughs) Thanks Mario. Now, Ros reckons she can run the distance
in just under five minutes.
Five minutes, yeah.
Well, you might want a look at this first.
Thanks, I think I know the way.
Well, best of luck!
Ros is just taking her di-tutetamine brohohibe.
And now we'll just wait for the serum to take its effect.
(Heartbeat)
(Jet engine)
Ah! Oh!
Whoa!
Eddie! Eddie!
Mario! Thanks Eddie!
Mario, hopefully we'll see you and Ros in about five minutes.
I can't quite hear what you're saying,
but hopefully Ros and I will see you in about five minutes.
And it 's neck and neck for Grandma's Ghost and Victim of Circumstance,
but he's having none of it.
And it 's a mighty win for Victim of Circumstance.
Another 50 quid down the drain.
Most of us enjoy a good flutter every now and then,
but perhaps not the heartache of losing.
So a system that could predict the winner every time
would be a very attractive, not to mention lucrative, proposition.
There are a number of betting systems around at the moment,
the most famous being the Lombard system,
which is not particularly reliable,
and is also quite tricky to use.
But now, there's a new system
that 's said to be 100 per cent accurate at predicting the winner.
And to hear about it, we have to go straight to the horse's mouth.
That 's because its inventor is, in fact, a horse.
Please welcome Championess and her owner, Paul Alan.
Whoa! Hey.
- Welcome, both of you. - Hello.
Now, Paul,
Championess actually designed the betting system - how did she do it?
Well, erm, I first noticed that she was up to something when, er,
she locked herself away in her stable for about six months.
Erm, occasionally I'd hear the odd banging noise,
erm, but I just thought, "Best leave her to it, really".
One day the stable doors were flung open and there was her machine.
- And this is it. - Yes.
She made it from stuff she found lying around her stable.
And, as you can see, it 's all held together with her manure.
I see.
Sorry, animals and children, they say, don't they? There we go.
- Indeed. Yes. - And how does it work?
I tell her the names of the horses, don't I, darling? That 's right.
I tell her the names of the horses, and the odds, the form...
- Come forward a little bit. - ..maybe the size of the jockeys.
Then she types all the information into her machine with her hoof.
- I see. Right, yeah. - Yeah.
And then, a little bit later, she gets the result.
She's been doing pretty well from it, haven't you, darling?
Now, Championess has won 60,000 guineas this season alone.
And, Paul, may I ask, what does she spend her winnings on?
Oh, the usual things -
hay, a new saddle, carrots, sugar lumps.
I suppose the only luxury she's allowed herself was a Jacuzzi.
But she only got in it the once. I don't think she liked the bubbles!
Right.
Well, we're going to try out Championess's system,
right here on the programme.
(Laughs) Pongo!
Obviously there's not enough room in the studio for a live horse race,
is there, Championess? So, we've got the next best thing -
ants.
And we'll be holding our very own Look Around You Ant Derby later on,
which should give Championess just enough time to study the runners.
We can now go back to BBC Scotland and rejoin Mario Abdullah-Levy.
- Hello, Peter - Hello, Mario.
Any sign of Ros Lamb?
Not yet, Peter, but we're expecting her any second now.
- (Whooshing) - In fact I can just hear....
She's arrived! She's here! Stop the clock.
Four minutes and twenty-eight seconds.
And that smashes the previous record of 22 days, 3 hours and 15 minutes.
That 's a new world record. So Ros, how are you feeling?
Ros is understandably pretty well worn out after her 524-mile run.
And as you can see, she's quite a bit smaller than when she started.
That 's due to a massive increase in her body temperature
from travelling at such a great speed.
And now, back to Peter Packard at Television Centre.
Thanks, Mario. Yes, outstanding.
Hopefully we'll be hearing from Ros
once she's had a chance to catch her breath.
Now, question - what do these four footballers have in common?
Think you know?
Well, the obvious answer is that they're all deaf,
but you may not know that they all had footballs made for them
by one of soccer's unsung heroes -
the world's greatest football designer, Sebastian Jackson.
During his career, Sebastian Jackson produced some of the most innovative
and ingenious footballs ever,
including the controversial Invisiball.
Jackson himself was a flamboyant figure,
and was linked romantically to a string of glamorous women,
including Marilyn Monroe's sister, Margaret.
Unfortunately, Sebastian Jackson passed away last year,
after swallowing a pin. He was 62.
However, with typical flair,
he took the precaution of creating several copies,
or clones, of himself before he died.
And we're very lucky to be joined by one of them tonight -
please welcome Provastian Jackson.
- Hello, Jack. - Hello, welcome to Look Around You.
You're an exact copy of the original Sebastian Jackson, aren't you?
- Yes, I am. - And how many of you are there?
Well, there's Ninastian, Compastian,
Hairhastain, Fantastian, Clilthrastian,
and Torvartian, who's our leader in a way.
I understand Ninastian is with us tonight.
Yes, he is, he's over there.
- He's a little camera-shy. - Oh well. Now, Provastian,
there haven't been any Jackson footballs in the shops for a while.
No, but me and the other copycats
have been busy developing a new range.
Let 's take a look. Now, this first football here, I have to say -
I'm not the best at football by the way -
looks like any football I might find lying about my garage.
Yes, it does look pretty ordinary, I agree, but if you look at the top,
just press that button.
So, when you want to put it away,
it 'Il fit neatly on your shelf without rolling off.
We call it a footcube.
How does it work?
It 's a mixture of pistons, springs and Gary Bonds, very clever.
It is clever. Now, this one over here,
please don't take this the wrong way, but it does smell a bit.
- Pongo! - Pongo!
This is our meat-ball, made from meat scraps
which would otherwise just be thrown away.
It gently decomposes during the course of the match.
So it 's ecologically friendly.
Yes. Best not to use it in hot weather - gets covered in maggots.
And it 's all meat?
Well, there's a bit of cod in this one.
Now, this jolly chap over here, what is this?
- This is a piggyball. - Piggyball?
Piggyball. You can see the slit in the top.
- Mm-hm. - (Coins jingle)
Used mainly for charity matches.
Now, this last one looks extremely intriguing.
Just over here.
Well, this is our principal project at the moment.
Its, erm...
Well, we... We've...
Do you know? Ninastian knows more about this one than I do.
- OK. - Ninastian.
Ninny, come on, Ninny!
(Jack) Well, I think we're going to meet Ninastian Jackson now.
- Hello, Ninastian. - Hello.
Tell him about it.
Oh, in order to create a more aerdo...
aerodynamic football, we designed an object
which is about 250 times more round than a normal ball.
So what you're saying is you've managed to out-round the sphere.
Unfortunately, we can't show the football for legal reasons,
so I'll just have to describe it to you.
Just please be careful you don't pull the curtain back too far.
Don't worry.
Cor! That is extraordinary! That is just so...round.
Well, the only way I can attempt to describe it is,
if you can try to imagine a perfect circle, and then round it out,
so that it 's even rounder...
That is extraordinary. When can we expect to see this in the shops?
Oh, that 's a moot point actually,
because currently it 's illegal to sell it in this country,
as it does contain a working human heart.
(Both) So It 's only on sale in Germany at the moment, I'm afraid.
Well, best of luck, Provastian and Ninastian,
and thank you both for showing us your balls. Peter.
And I believe we can go to BBC Scotland
and rejoin Mario Abdullah-Levy,
who is now talking with Ros Lamb.
Ros, that was a terrific run,
London to Aberdeen in four and a half minutes, a new world record.
(Squeaky voice) Thanks, yeah.
What happened to your forehead?
I ran into a parking meter in Kilburn.
So after that I just stuck to motorways.
So, a smooth journey?
Well, I got pulled over a couple of times by the police.
- Oh really? - Nothing serious, just a caution.
But in general, it was a very good run, I'm very pleased.
Well, Maseltov once again.
And now Ros Lamb will be running back down to our studios in London,
so Ros, if you'd like to take your di-tutetamine brohohibe.
- And best of luck! - (Squeaky voice) Thanks!
(Jet engine rumbles)
(Heartbeat)
Dougal!
And back to you, Peter, at Shepherd's Bush.
When the Olympics take place next year in Swansea Industrial Park,
there'll be a record number of new events
which have been formally accepted
by the Olympic Committee and Swansea Council.
In fact there are a staggering 22 brand-new Olympic sports,
but there's one sport everyone wants to play.
So Look Around You sent Pealy Maghti off to our sister country, America,
to try it out.
(# Pounding rock music)
(Pealy) Pennsylvania, USA.
When you think of Pennsylvania, you probably think of pencils.
But in America, Pennsylvania is best known for its baseball team,
the Pennsylvania Pippins.
And every Monday and Wednesday,
thousands of fans flock to see such baseball legends as TJ Nottingham,
Sonny Thompson,
and Xythantiops.
But it 's not just baseball that 's put Pennsylvania on the map.
Jogging recently became compulsory here,
with stiff penalties for anyone who doesn't fulfil the weekly mileage.
But now, there's a new sport in town,
which may be about to take the state, and the world, by storm.
So I caught up with its inventor, Scott Nolan.
This sport you've created isn't completely new, is it?
Not exactly, Pealy, no.
You see, I wanted to combine key aspects of my two favourite sports,
into a new hybrid, or combo-sport,
which I believe has the potential
to become the most exciting spectator sport at the Olympics.
What are the two sports that you've combined?
Tennis and golf.
Well, I'm dying to try it out. Now, am I dressed for the occasion?
I hope so, let 's see, you've got the shoes and the socks,
the pants, the hat...
All you need is this... and you're all set!
Let 's play gonnis!
Gonnis is a perfect mixture of golf and tennis.
The rules are very simple -
get the ball over the net, onto the green and into your opponent 's hole,
whilst avoiding the bunkers and the water hazard.
The game was overseen by the world's only professional gonnis umpire,
Bunny Gnowles, who also happens to be Scott 's boyfriend.
- Go easy on me, Scott! - Not a chance!
With its classy blend of elegance and style,
gonnis has become the game of choice for the jet set,
with such players as Manhattan Dave and the Shah of Israel,
and Scott even had an order for 40,000 gonnis sets
from none other than Tony Curtis.
Quiet, please!
Birdie-love.
- I'm getting the hang of this! - We'll see about that.
Out! Quiet, please!
Eagle - 15.
(Softly) Come on, Scott, come on.
- Advantage, Miss Maghti. - Go on, Pealy!
- Quiet, please! - Go on, Pealy!
Tensions ran high, both on and off the court.
Ma'am, did you not hear me say "quiet" then?
It 's (bleep) off-putting to the players,
it 's (bleep) off-putting to the opponent who you're not rooting for,
it 's a (bleep) for him and for me!
And if you continue, I'm gonna (bleep) remove you from the court.
Do you understand? Thank you.
(Bleep)
Miss Maghti, you are four under par.
Finally, it was time for me to put my putting skills to the test.
- (Woman) Go on, Pealy! - (Bleep)
Hole, set and match, Pealy Maghti.
I'd done it! Against all odds, I'd beaten the American at his own game.
- That was fantastic! - Yes, beginner's luck.
Miss Maghti, congratulations. You played a good game.
Quiet, please.
Where now for Scott Nolan?
I'm developing another combo-sport at the moment.
Again, it 's a mixture of two other sports -
fencing and darts.
Gosh, you were really good at gonnis!
Thanks. And the funny thing is, I've never played golf or tennis before.
- And I was on my period. - Obviously a natural.
- Yes, well done, Pealy. - Yeah, well played.
- Thanks, chaps. - That is a beautiful trophy.
Well, we're just waiting for Ros Lamb to speed into the studio
all the way from Aberdeen,
and I believe she should be here any second now.
Well, while we're waiting for Ros, erm...
Oh, and I believe we're now seeing outside Television Centre,
where Ros Lamb should be speeding into view any second now.
Erm, Jack, I believe you used to go out with Ros Lamb, didn't you?
(Jack) Yes, it was several years ago
and I used to fool around with one of her sisters as well.
(Pealy) Not at the same time I hope!
(Peter) Here she is!
That 's four minutes and fifteen seconds.
That smashes her previous record,
by, I think, thirteen seconds, so that 's another world record.
- Erm, well done! - Wow!
- Congratulations! - Two in one show.
Well, let 's go and say hello.
Ros, a new world record - how do you feel?
(Panting)
(Peter) As you can see, the run has really taken its toll,
there's been some further miniaturisation.
Anyway, well done, Ros!
(Peter) What an athlete!
Well, now it 's time for our Look Around You Ant Derby.
And to tell us about the runners,
let 's hand over to BBC's racing commentator, Leslie Maxwell.
Thank you, in lane one at 5-1,
we have Beetleface, looking very confident today.
In lane two, one of our foremost racing ants, Mr Snips,
the favourite at 3-1.
Fancy Nancy is in lane three,
the going's a bit hard for her today, I fear, she's at 7-1.
And finally, the rank outsider, Nutmeg,
who looks like he's put on a bit of weight recently, he's at 600-1.
- Back to you, Pam - Thanks.
- Well, my money's on Beetleface. - I fancy... Fancy Nancy.
I'm going to take a chance on Nutmeg. How about you, Pete?
Yeah, me too. And Ros, who will you be backing?
(High-pitched squeaking)
One pound on Mr Snips, certainly Ros.
And there we are!
(Faint squeaking continues)
So, Paul, Championess has had time to make her calculations.
Can we have her prediction, please?
(Paul) Go on, girl!
(Mechanical whirring)
- Is she finished? - Yes.
So, which ant does Championess think is going to win?
(Deep voice) Beetleface.
Beetleface! Oh, that 's my ant, great!
So, let 's go back to Leslie for the race.
Thanks, Pam. You join us for the Look Around You Ant Derby,
all the ants are at the starter's gate.
(Trumpet fanfare)
And they're off! Mr Snips off to a good start, Nutmeg refuses,
Beetleface coming up, Fancy Nancy picking up speed,
But it 's Mr Snips and Beetleface, they're thorax to thorax,
but it 's Beetleface the winner!
- Yeah! - Oh!
- I win!
- Well done! - Bad luck, guys!
And well done and thank you very much to Paul Alan and Championess.
And Championess and Paul Alan go through to the final
of our Invention of the Year competition
at the end of the series,
where they could win this magnificent trophy,
presented by His Royal Highness Sir Prince Charles.
Well, that 's nearly all we've got time for tonight.
Thanks to all our guests for being such great sports.
- Thank you to Provastian and... - I'm Ninastian.
- Oh, I beg your pardon. - Provastian's dropped off.
Well, thank you to you both,
and also, of course, thanks to Ros Lamb.
(Squeaks)
Special thanks to BBC Scotland and Mario Abdullah-Levy.
And thanks to racing commentator, Leslie Maxwell.
My pleasure, Pam.
And a special thanks to Beetleface, Mr Snips, Fancy Nancy and Nutmeg.
Thanks, ants!
Thants.
Next week, we'll be taking a tantalising look
at the world, and the future, of food.
So make sure you make a reservation.
So, in the meantime, from all of us here at Shepherd's Bush,
take care of yourself, and remember, wherever you are, whatever you do...
(All) Look Around You!
(All chatter)
# Look Around You #