1 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,691 As you know, 2 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:53,196 the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the Ice Ages. 3 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:56,366 The cold stimulates ancient nerves. 4 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,476 It makes you feel a primal connection to the world. 5 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:04,063 We used over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel, 6 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,817 and guests are surprised to know how much snow. 7 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,045 Over 10,000 tons. 8 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,422 Wow, that's a lot. 9 00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:14,032 Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice. 10 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,221 These blocks were created 11 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:22,583 by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes, 12 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:26,837 then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave. 13 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,216 Everything you see melts in summer. 14 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:35,405 We have different artists and artisans help us build again each year, 15 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:39,516 so every stay is truly once in a lifetime. 16 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,602 And here we have your room. 17 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,982 The Koi Suite. 18 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,573 Wow. Oh, it's brisk. 19 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,911 Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel. 20 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,205 About three degrees below zero. 21 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,373 Not too, too cold. 22 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,686 It's quite invigorating once you get used to it. 23 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:12,442 As we say, you will feel... som plommen I egget. 24 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,027 Like a yolk in an egg. 25 00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:15,570 Okay, that's adorable. 26 00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,822 Som... Som plommen I eggen? Eggen? 27 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,325 That's very good. 28 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,952 These fish were hand-carved 29 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:26,289 by famous Norwegian ice sculptor, Anders Skjeggestad Ruud. 30 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,749 He won the Boreal Forest Prize 31 00:02:27,773 --> 00:02:30,168 at the Harbin Ice Sculpting Competition last year. 32 00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,669 Beautiful. Isn't that beautiful? 33 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,172 -The bed is made of ice? -Yes. Isn't that charming? 34 00:02:34,196 --> 00:02:37,967 And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy. 35 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,262 -The bed is made of ice. -It is distilled locally from ice wine, 36 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,890 and I assure you it is quite special. 37 00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:46,226 -These furs are very thick... -Ice. Helen, 38 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,335 we are sleeping on an ice bed. 39 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,856 I could've saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here, yolks and all. 40 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,257 Now, one more thing. 41 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:57,487 Your bathrooms are around the corner, in the hall to your left. 42 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,239 And if you keep going in that direction, 43 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:02,099 you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open. 44 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,579 As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year. 45 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,356 Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know. 46 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,608 Thank you, Bjorn. 47 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,694 Oh. Thank you very much. 48 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,506 I hope you both have an enjoyable stay. 49 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,674 God natt? 50 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:20,301 Excellent. God natt til deg også. 51 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:22,035 Okay. 52 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,503 This is amazing. 53 00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:35,215 How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice? 54 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,279 We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney. 55 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,281 Uh, Walt Disney wasn't frozen. That's a myth. 56 00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,806 And look at this place! 57 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,184 It was worth the trip. 58 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:49,831 I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends? 59 00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:54,586 I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience 60 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:56,838 but just a really nice hotel? 61 00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:58,923 Can't it be both? 62 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:01,009 Doesn't it feel... ...kind of nice? 63 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,928 I mean, my... my skin feels so awake. 64 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:07,247 Oh, my God. Seriously? 65 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,893 Who knew? Hell is in Norway. 66 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:12,479 Oh, come on. This is completely your bag. 67 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:13,962 You love feeling bad. 68 00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:17,591 Mmm. 69 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,080 -What you doing over there? -Looking for your cell phone. 70 00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:25,533 -Val should have numbers by now. -I already talked to Val at the airport. 71 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,076 Come over here. Get under these blankets, 72 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,852 -they're so soft. -You talked to Val? 73 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:30,854 What'd she say? 74 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,026 It's on the list! 75 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,171 Congratulations! 76 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,548 -Good. Great. -Yeah. 77 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:43,367 Now come over here. Have some brandy. It's so good. 78 00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:46,221 Where on the list? 79 00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:48,014 It's... Stop it. It's a best seller. 80 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:50,040 I know. I'm just... I'm just curious where. 81 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:51,959 Top 20. 82 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,312 -Top 20. -Yeah. 83 00:04:54,336 --> 00:04:56,839 But, like, closer to 11 or closer to 20? 84 00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:58,882 You're impossible. 85 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,885 You're the most impossible best-selling author I know. 86 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,739 -Come over here. -Why? 87 00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,348 Just come here. 88 00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,642 Look at this. 89 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,771 That is amazing. 90 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,401 Oh, God, I always wanted to see it. 91 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,128 One time in Canada I came close, 92 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:22,906 but this is so much better than I ever imagined. 93 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,386 It kinda looks like a screen saver. 94 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,745 Oh, my God. Stop, stop, stop. Sit. 95 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,142 Here you go. 96 00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,562 Yeah. Isn't that warmer? 97 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:38,672 Warmer than what? 98 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,217 You can almost hear it, can't you? 99 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,680 Ooh, ooh! It's turning purple. 100 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,185 Look at that. 101 00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:55,689 Hmm. Guess what? 102 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,088 Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee. 103 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:00,861 Okay, so pee. 104 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,488 Yeah, but is the toilet gonna be made out of ice? 105 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,617 -What if I stick to it? -Pee or don't pee, but... 106 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,679 Uh, this is your captain speaking. 107 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,575 Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air. 108 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,536 Should be smooth sailing for a while, 109 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,729 so we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seat belt sign. 110 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,692 Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol. 111 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,220 May we get you anything? 112 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:53,390 Nope. Uh, who's flying today? 113 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:57,954 Carol, on the flight deck is Captain John McConnell and also... 114 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,622 First Officer Tom Deegan. 115 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:03,817 These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time. 116 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,963 And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant 117 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,407 of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft. 118 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,326 You're in good hands. 119 00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:16,472 That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays. 120 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,183 You doing this because she freaked me out? 121 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,893 Uh, that's an affirmative, Carol. 122 00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,084 Please stop that. 123 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,814 It's much more spacious up in first class. 124 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,649 Sure you won't be more comfortable there? 125 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,343 It has lie-flat seats. You could get some rest. 126 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,844 I'm fine where I'm at. 127 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,907 Thank you. 128 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,597 Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right? 129 00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,016 Anyone with conversational ability, yes. 130 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,684 Tell me about the non-English speakers. 131 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,394 Certainly. What would you like to know? 132 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,128 Anything. Everything. 133 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:09,984 Well, let's see. Uh, there's Bora Colak, a 68-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul. 134 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:12,386 He speaks Turkish and loves cats. 135 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,698 In Bali, there's Ida Ayu Dewi. Twenty-three. 136 00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:20,495 Uh, speaks Indonesian Balinese. She's a contortionist and a dancer. 137 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:24,082 Performs the Barong, the Legong Jobog. It's all quite exquisite. 138 00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,416 I'm sure. Keep going. 139 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,545 Uh, Sidore Melis in Sardinia is a fisherman. 140 00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:31,321 Or he was, but he's 89 and retired. 141 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:35,593 There's Mary Kuksie Akintola. Lives in Maseru, Lesotho. 142 00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,136 What... What does she do? 143 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,557 Her family raises Basotho ponies, but she's only eight years old. 144 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:43,083 -She hasn't decided on a profession. -Next. 145 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:46,604 Abdul Kareem Alsharei lives in Aden, Yemen. 146 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,839 He's a 37-year-old muezzin. 147 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,384 Mu... Muezzin. That's a... What is that? 148 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,070 He sings the call to prayer. 149 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,888 He has a powerful tenor voice. 150 00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:57,639 He also loves cats. 151 00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:03,371 Okay. But are there any medical doctors? 152 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:06,565 Any... Any scientists or an expert of some kind? 153 00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,627 Oh, yes. According to Time Out Magazine, 154 00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:13,840 Takeo Kitanaka in Osaka makes the best udon noodles in the entire Keihanshin... 155 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,782 That's not what I meant. Nope. 156 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:19,328 All right, that makes... What? Um... 157 00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,431 Six. 158 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:25,768 So, you didn't say anything about the guy from, uh... 159 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,253 Where was it? Uh, Paraguay. What about him? 160 00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:30,440 Uh, his name is Manousos Oviedo. 161 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,799 We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours. 162 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,053 He manages a self-storage facility in Asunción. 163 00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:39,306 So far, he hasn't really communicated with us. 164 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:41,975 Huh. 165 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:44,228 I wanna talk to him. 166 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,231 He only speaks Spanish and a bit of Guarani. 167 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,775 -Do you want us to translate for you? -No. 168 00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:52,778 I'll manage. 169 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,965 First thing, once I get home. 170 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,991 We could try him right now, if you like. 171 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,343 He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact. 172 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,611 Try it again. 173 00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:59,094 Uh... Hola, señor. Me llamo C... 174 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:05,309 I think we got, uh, cut off or something. Try it again. 175 00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,554 Hola, yo soy Carol Sturka. 176 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:27,140 Uh, estoy de los... ...United States... 177 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:30,310 ¡No me jodan más! ¡Déjenme en paz, put as! 178 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,423 Get him back. 179 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,719 Get him back. 180 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,612 ¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón! 181 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:04,117 We're sorry, Carol. We don't think it was personal. 182 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:38,902 Bye, Carol. 183 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,446 Really, please let us know if there's... 184 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,867 Carol! One... One second. 185 00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,412 We have something for you. 186 00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:57,504 We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you. 187 00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,093 We think you're really gonna like what's in the box. 188 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:15,355 Anything else we can do for you, just... just let us know. 189 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:56,432 Hi, Carol. What can we do for you? 190 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,543 What exactly do you know about what's in this box in my mail? 191 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:04,214 Helen ordered it for you. You'd been so stressed out on the tour. 192 00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,633 You tried one in the Atlanta airport. 193 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:10,846 But you said it was too expensive, so Helen bought one online. 194 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,323 Did she? 195 00:16:12,347 --> 00:16:15,726 She thought it would make a nice gift to celebrate the end of the tour. 196 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:17,978 A homecoming present. 197 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:22,983 Carol? 198 00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:27,112 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 199 00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,574 You're gonna forget everything you know about Helen. 200 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,577 Every memory. Every thought she ever had. 201 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,306 Get her out of your head. Heads. 202 00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:39,559 -Carol, we apologize if it... -Never mention her again. 203 00:16:39,583 --> 00:16:41,519 Never think about her again. 204 00:16:41,543 --> 00:16:44,189 Only I get to remember her, you got that? Only me. 205 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,870 Then how come your name isn't Big Dummy? 206 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:07,361 Well, there were already three other people in town with that name. 207 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,340 But that's beside the point. 208 00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:14,385 {\an8}One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper 209 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:17,013 {\an8}and ask her why she always frowned. 210 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:21,100 Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. 211 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:27,798 I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down! 212 00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:33,947 So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave! 213 00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:02,165 What the hell? 214 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,265 -Good morning, Carol. -What's with the food? 215 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:47,252 It's the exact meal you had at that B and B you stayed at in Provincetown. 216 00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:51,048 2012? Remember? You were there to see the Indigo Girls. 217 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:55,945 You were very complimentary of the chef that morning. It really stuck with her. 218 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:59,032 -The sorghum flour pancakes... -So you took it upon yourself 219 00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:00,557 to make me breakfast? 220 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,821 Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare. 221 00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:06,915 You've only got tonic water, half a carton of oat milk, 222 00:19:06,939 --> 00:19:09,876 a jar of green olives, a jar of black olives, a jar of red olives... 223 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:13,213 -I told you Helen was off-limits. -Yes, of course, Carol. 224 00:19:13,237 --> 00:19:14,321 So how the f... 225 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,551 How do you know what is in my fridge? 226 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,595 Theresa from Merry Maids. 227 00:19:20,619 --> 00:19:23,723 You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour. 228 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:26,124 Is the food not to your liking? 229 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,478 Would you like us to make you something else instead? 230 00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,586 Nope. 231 00:19:32,673 --> 00:19:34,508 I want you to leave me alone. 232 00:19:52,276 --> 00:19:56,196 Shows what you know, fuckers. It's three quarters of a carton. 233 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:39,114 What... the... fuck? 234 00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:07,160 -Hello, Carol. -What happened to my Sprouts? 235 00:21:07,184 --> 00:21:09,329 Are you the Grinch who steals supermarkets? 236 00:21:09,353 --> 00:21:12,207 So sorry. We're consolidating resources 237 00:21:12,231 --> 00:21:15,210 to centralize useful items for distribution. 238 00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:18,671 Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses 239 00:21:18,695 --> 00:21:20,447 or what used to be private homes. 240 00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:22,699 It's just more efficient. 241 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:26,054 Fine. Fine. I get it. 242 00:21:26,078 --> 00:21:28,306 Is there something specific you need? 243 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,517 We can deliver to you anytime. Anywhere. 244 00:21:30,541 --> 00:21:33,603 I am not going to call you every time I need something. 245 00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,420 I don't want you waiting on me. 246 00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:39,692 I am a very independent person. Okay? 247 00:21:39,716 --> 00:21:42,261 I always have been. I fend for myself. 248 00:21:43,971 --> 00:21:45,347 I just want my Sprouts back. 249 00:21:45,848 --> 00:21:47,766 Absolutely. Will do. 250 00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,309 Okay. 251 00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,478 Great. 252 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:56,233 So, what? Um... 253 00:21:57,776 --> 00:21:59,629 Can we say Friday, maybe? 254 00:21:59,653 --> 00:22:02,865 I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back. 255 00:22:03,824 --> 00:22:05,200 We'll be there in a moment. 256 00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:02,877 Carol. 257 00:24:02,901 --> 00:24:04,403 May we sneak past you here? 258 00:25:15,432 --> 00:25:18,495 -All set, Carol. Call us if there's... -something you want that's not here. 259 00:25:18,519 --> 00:25:20,119 -We'll get it... -to you toot sweet. 260 00:26:08,902 --> 00:26:10,713 Luckily, there were some Druid priests 261 00:26:10,737 --> 00:26:12,966 who were in town for the opening of Stonehenge-land. 262 00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:16,302 They said they could stop it 263 00:26:16,326 --> 00:26:19,430 if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin. 264 00:26:23,834 --> 00:26:26,396 I don't know why I raised my hand. 265 00:26:32,551 --> 00:26:34,303 Damn it. 266 00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:07,753 You have got to be fucking kidding me. 267 00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:25,038 Hello, Carol. 268 00:27:25,062 --> 00:27:27,957 So sorry to startle you. We didn't mean to do that. 269 00:27:27,981 --> 00:27:29,584 Why are you turning off the lights? 270 00:27:29,608 --> 00:27:32,212 Yes, we know. It was a mistake. 271 00:27:32,236 --> 00:27:34,672 We had a little problem isolating your branch circuit. 272 00:27:34,696 --> 00:27:36,007 They're back on now, right? 273 00:27:36,031 --> 00:27:37,592 -The lights in your house? Okay. -Yes. 274 00:27:37,616 --> 00:27:40,386 Why are you turning them off everywhere else? 275 00:27:40,410 --> 00:27:41,679 For conservation. 276 00:27:41,703 --> 00:27:45,517 Just the ones that aren't necessary. Which are, well, most of them. 277 00:27:45,541 --> 00:27:48,102 What? Lights aren't necessary for you guys? You just see in the dark? 278 00:27:48,126 --> 00:27:50,146 Oh, no. Not at all. 279 00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:52,232 It's just that there's no crime to prevent, 280 00:27:52,256 --> 00:27:56,027 and we're not working at night. Except for essential operations. 281 00:27:56,051 --> 00:27:58,363 Water treatment, hospitals, things like that. 282 00:27:58,387 --> 00:28:00,156 Right, so it's more of your efficiency? 283 00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:04,828 Yes. You donated twice to the Sierra Club, so we felt you'd understand. 284 00:28:04,852 --> 00:28:07,247 If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights. 285 00:28:07,271 --> 00:28:10,416 No. Screw it. Leave them off. Who gives a shit? 286 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,628 Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up? 287 00:28:13,652 --> 00:28:15,320 Cheer me up? Why? 288 00:28:15,821 --> 00:28:19,050 I'm fine. I'm so happy. 289 00:28:19,074 --> 00:28:21,970 There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix. 290 00:28:21,994 --> 00:28:23,054 You got one of those? 291 00:28:23,078 --> 00:28:24,889 'Cause I think that would be the perfect topper 292 00:28:24,913 --> 00:28:27,058 for the greatest week in human history. 293 00:28:48,937 --> 00:28:50,522 Fuck it. 294 00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:29,496 It must've just been the excitement of the moment, 295 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,956 but they said the only way to prevent the eruption 296 00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:34,959 was for me to crawl through their legs, up the volcano, 297 00:29:34,983 --> 00:29:37,754 while they gave me my birthday whacks. 298 00:29:38,946 --> 00:29:41,346 Well... and you're not going to believe this... 299 00:30:17,901 --> 00:30:19,045 -Yeah? -Hi. 300 00:30:19,069 --> 00:30:20,571 Sorry it took so long. 301 00:30:23,824 --> 00:30:25,742 -A hand grenade. -Yes. 302 00:30:26,535 --> 00:30:28,513 We thought you were probably being sarcastic, 303 00:30:28,537 --> 00:30:30,497 but we didn't want to take the chance. 304 00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:34,751 W-Were you being sarcastic? 305 00:30:38,964 --> 00:30:40,724 Right. Of c... Of course you were. 306 00:30:41,466 --> 00:30:43,153 Do you want us to take... 307 00:30:43,177 --> 00:30:46,680 You know what? We're just gonna... We'll get rid of it. 308 00:30:50,184 --> 00:30:51,476 Feel better, Carol. 309 00:30:54,730 --> 00:30:55,731 Hey. 310 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,150 Do you maniacs drink? 311 00:31:00,819 --> 00:31:02,046 It's okay. 312 00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:04,656 You can bring the hand grenade. 313 00:31:18,337 --> 00:31:22,400 Does the whole world get drunk when you drink? 314 00:31:22,424 --> 00:31:27,155 Like, does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words when you knock one back? 315 00:31:27,179 --> 00:31:29,491 No, it... it doesn't work like that. 316 00:31:29,515 --> 00:31:30,599 Hmm. 317 00:31:31,350 --> 00:31:33,936 How do you say cheers in Sanskrit? 318 00:31:34,436 --> 00:31:37,397 Roughly it means, "May everyone be blessed." 319 00:31:38,690 --> 00:31:41,318 Well, then. Shoot... Shoo... 320 00:31:42,736 --> 00:31:45,030 Shoopy shoop shoop. 321 00:31:51,370 --> 00:31:54,831 You know the word "vodka" is a diminutive of voda, meaning "water." 322 00:31:55,499 --> 00:31:58,978 Very similar to the Latin aqua vitae, 323 00:31:59,002 --> 00:32:00,647 literally "water of life." 324 00:32:00,671 --> 00:32:03,024 That becomes the Scandinavian akvavit. 325 00:32:03,048 --> 00:32:06,152 Although the drinks are very different. 326 00:32:06,176 --> 00:32:08,905 Fun fact, whiskey has the same root meaning. 327 00:32:08,929 --> 00:32:11,699 It's Scots Gaelic from uisce beat ha. 328 00:32:11,723 --> 00:32:13,016 You don't say. 329 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:20,291 What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness, 330 00:32:20,315 --> 00:32:23,485 it's distilled from both potato and corn. 331 00:32:24,152 --> 00:32:26,339 It is slightly alkaline. Do you taste that? 332 00:32:27,656 --> 00:32:30,051 Lower-shelf alcohol tends to be acidic. 333 00:32:30,075 --> 00:32:32,804 The chief distiller learned the process from his grandfather. 334 00:32:32,828 --> 00:32:34,997 And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain. 335 00:32:41,628 --> 00:32:44,506 How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee? 336 00:32:45,090 --> 00:32:49,136 It's a hard thing to predict. 337 00:32:49,887 --> 00:32:51,906 Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow. 338 00:32:51,930 --> 00:32:54,391 That's not an answer. How long? 339 00:32:56,226 --> 00:32:57,769 We're working round the clock. 340 00:32:58,353 --> 00:33:03,400 It could be as soon as a couple weeks, or it could take months or longer. 341 00:33:04,276 --> 00:33:09,156 That's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know. 342 00:33:12,451 --> 00:33:15,954 Regardless, sooner or later, I'm fucked. 343 00:33:17,122 --> 00:33:20,667 Sorry, Carol. We have a biological imperative. 344 00:33:21,251 --> 00:33:23,855 You people make no goddamn sense. 345 00:33:23,879 --> 00:33:24,963 Do you know that? 346 00:33:25,756 --> 00:33:28,193 "We wanna make you happy," you say. 347 00:33:28,217 --> 00:33:30,862 "Your life is your own," you say. 348 00:33:30,886 --> 00:33:34,973 And "agency." I've got all this agency, b-but... 349 00:33:35,474 --> 00:33:39,228 I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't? 350 00:33:41,313 --> 00:33:42,314 Carol... 351 00:33:43,899 --> 00:33:47,086 if you were walking by a lake, and you saw somebody drowning, 352 00:33:47,110 --> 00:33:48,904 would you throw 'em a life preserver? 353 00:33:49,696 --> 00:33:50,965 Of course you would. 354 00:33:50,989 --> 00:33:55,470 You wouldn't think, you wouldn't wait, you wouldn't try to get consensus on it. 355 00:33:55,494 --> 00:33:57,579 You'd just throw it. 356 00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:02,000 So now I'm drowning? 357 00:34:03,544 --> 00:34:04,878 You just don't know it. 358 00:34:07,548 --> 00:34:12,511 Well, uh... ...you people are brainwashed, is what you are. 359 00:34:13,094 --> 00:34:18,809 I mean... ...what could possibly be so great about this mind meld of yours? 360 00:34:19,351 --> 00:34:23,164 Actually, let me guess. It's, uh... 361 00:34:23,188 --> 00:34:26,876 it's all beautiful scenery, and you feel nothing but contentment. 362 00:34:26,900 --> 00:34:33,072 Just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything is perfect. 363 00:34:33,574 --> 00:34:38,536 It's-It's like living inside a postcard, every second of every day. 364 00:34:39,161 --> 00:34:42,392 Basically, it's every Rick Steves special ever, right? 365 00:34:42,416 --> 00:34:43,476 That kind of bullshit? 366 00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:47,521 Like you're... you're, uh, taking a hike in the woods, and there's a warm rain, 367 00:34:47,545 --> 00:34:52,443 and the trees are so tall you-you can't even see the tops. 368 00:34:52,467 --> 00:34:56,114 Or you're having coffee on the canals in Amsterdam, 369 00:34:56,138 --> 00:34:59,200 and it's like you're in a coffee commercial. 370 00:34:59,224 --> 00:35:04,646 Or you're taking a walk at sunset on the most flawless beach in Croatia. 371 00:35:05,189 --> 00:35:08,984 Or you're in Norway, above the Arctic Circle in... 372 00:35:11,445 --> 00:35:13,447 In a hotel made of ice. 373 00:35:14,698 --> 00:35:16,783 Under a pile of furs. 374 00:35:28,754 --> 00:35:32,633 I told you that Helen was off-limits. 375 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,562 You are a bunch of mind-fuckers. 376 00:35:57,449 --> 00:36:00,661 Wow, you got this thing really jammed in there, don't you? 377 00:36:02,329 --> 00:36:04,849 Please, be careful with that. 378 00:36:04,873 --> 00:36:07,543 Right. Like you would give me a real hand grenade. 379 00:36:10,087 --> 00:36:11,421 Carol, if we may? 380 00:36:48,792 --> 00:36:50,085 You-You gave me... 381 00:36:58,468 --> 00:37:02,031 Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Fuck. 382 00:37:02,055 --> 00:37:03,140 Uh... 383 00:37:03,974 --> 00:37:06,202 Oh, fuck. 384 00:37:13,025 --> 00:37:14,502 Shit. 385 00:37:14,526 --> 00:37:17,422 Uh, okay. I-I-I'm gonna go get some help, okay? 386 00:37:17,446 --> 00:37:19,757 It's okay, Carol. 387 00:37:19,781 --> 00:37:21,617 Help is coming. 388 00:38:13,126 --> 00:38:14,378 May we join you? 389 00:38:20,676 --> 00:38:23,780 We're happy to say Zosia's doing much better. 390 00:38:23,804 --> 00:38:26,866 There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage. 391 00:38:26,890 --> 00:38:30,310 She did get a pretty severe concussion that we're gonna wanna keep an eye on. 392 00:38:31,144 --> 00:38:32,396 She's resting now. 393 00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:36,441 Can we get you a-a fresh change of clothes? 394 00:38:40,737 --> 00:38:44,032 Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day. 395 00:38:47,828 --> 00:38:50,581 Why would you give me a hand grenade? 396 00:38:51,373 --> 00:38:52,416 You asked for one. 397 00:38:53,375 --> 00:38:55,043 Why not give me a fake one? 398 00:38:56,628 --> 00:38:58,005 Oh. 399 00:38:58,505 --> 00:39:00,507 Sorry if we got that wrong, Carol. 400 00:39:04,803 --> 00:39:08,116 If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade? 401 00:39:08,140 --> 00:39:09,308 Yes. 402 00:39:10,058 --> 00:39:12,245 Even after last night, you would give me another? 403 00:39:12,269 --> 00:39:13,604 Oh, sure. 404 00:39:17,274 --> 00:39:19,026 Okay, what about a bazooka? 405 00:39:19,776 --> 00:39:22,905 And the thing a bazooka shoots? A rocket, or whatever. 406 00:39:24,072 --> 00:39:25,341 Yes. 407 00:39:25,365 --> 00:39:27,201 All right. 408 00:39:28,785 --> 00:39:29,786 All right. 409 00:39:30,787 --> 00:39:31,872 What about... 410 00:39:32,956 --> 00:39:35,375 I don't know, a tank? 411 00:39:37,127 --> 00:39:38,337 Mm-hmm. 412 00:39:40,631 --> 00:39:44,092 What about an atom bomb? 413 00:39:47,471 --> 00:39:48,722 Why would you want one? 414 00:39:49,306 --> 00:39:50,325 To blow shit up? 415 00:39:50,349 --> 00:39:52,243 For kicks. I mean, does it matter? 416 00:39:52,267 --> 00:39:54,937 You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake. 417 00:40:02,986 --> 00:40:05,197 It'd be okay to say no at this point. 418 00:40:05,822 --> 00:40:07,282 That would be sane. 419 00:40:07,908 --> 00:40:10,786 Not utterly batshit crazy. 420 00:40:12,996 --> 00:40:16,959 If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, 421 00:40:17,543 --> 00:40:21,731 we would weigh the pros and cons with you. 422 00:40:21,755 --> 00:40:25,109 Uh, we would explain that it would be very destructive, uh... 423 00:40:25,133 --> 00:40:26,718 Yes or no? 424 00:40:29,638 --> 00:40:30,639 Ultimately... 425 00:40:31,932 --> 00:40:32,933 yes. 426 00:40:34,226 --> 00:40:35,936 Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it. 427 00:40:37,646 --> 00:40:42,651 But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol. 428 00:40:45,988 --> 00:40:48,824 Would you like an atom bomb? 429 00:40:51,785 --> 00:40:53,745 I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. 430 00:40:56,999 --> 00:40:59,352 Okay. Okay. 431 00:40:59,376 --> 00:41:01,461 Oh, would you like a cup of coffee? 432 00:41:02,838 --> 00:41:05,132 Uh, one sugar, with oat milk, right? 433 00:41:05,632 --> 00:41:07,509 -And maybe a-a pinch of, uh... -You can go.